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He sees her body
Not her sore tears
Or her forced smile
She's afraid and crying out
But he only sees her flushed pink lips
Not her unhealed scars
Or her numb heart
He's blinded by her beautiful appearance
He doesn't hear her screams
He's too focused on what her hands might do in the dark
He'd be disappointed to know they only turn on lights
Because the dark scares her
Just like happy faces and crowded places do
Moral of the story she's broken
Like shattered tempered glass
And she has an excellent disguise
Like chameleons in the trees
So to the world she's completely fine
I loathe that word
It's such a lonely word
Makes me feel empty
You know?
Sorry, got lost in the idea that people might actually care about me

It's so excruciating knowing you're unloved
Knowing all you got is yourself
I guess it's safe to say it'll always be that way
This world is unbearably cruel to think otherwise
So I'll just be isolated like every other pathetic and depressed being
  Sep 2016 Rare but Relevant
found a home in a tiny wine cellar
off the coast of malibu
drank and drank till i could drink no more,
yet it couldn't fill the hollow inside.

took a one-way ticket out of malibu;
flew through the clouds till i
reached this little hole in denver;
made a home, lost a house.

took a one-way ticket out of you
blessed my long dark hair,
smelt the apple blossoms in your chest
kissed you goodbye and never came back.

twenty, twenty,*
what's there left for me to do?
found a home in a little wine cellar
in a big city
killed myself with alcohol

but forgot about the me i left behind.
It's the worst when you can't cry anymore
You're breaking and everything is gone
You're in a so much pain
Your heart races and the oxygen feels low
But you have no tears
So you just sit there staring blankly at the wall
It's like you're slowly dying and you can't scream for help
So you just sit there until you take your last breath
I have feelings
I have feelings
I have feelings*

Why don't you care?
How do I explain to people that when I say I'm tired I don't mean I'm sleepy
I mean living is exhausting and I need a break
But that's just it isn't it?
I can't explain it to anyone
No one will understand
The darkness I lost myself in has me chained and I will not fight for freedom
I'm weak and fragile
My demons refuse to let me baptize myself in the happiness that everyone seems to be drenched in
And the worst part of it all is my peers think I'm happy
They see my smile and hear my laughter
They are blinded from my trembling lips and deaf from my screams
And don't get me wrong I know I'm not the only one
But those who suffer as I am fail to realize it's not just sadness
It's so much more
It's like I'm burning alive with no one to save me
The struggle is unnoticed
And even though I have so many people who care about me I feel as if I have no one because the person I want to be here for me isn't
This battle to live when I want to die is breaking me
I only live so the one I love most won't feel alone
But that loved one fails to realize I'm suffering most
I just need the drugs and the pills
I'll spend my days smelling of ciggerates and sleep
But forever isn't promised and the bridge is sketchy
If I fall just know I held on as long as my insanity let me
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