We are always the victim of our own story
We fashion wings of innocence for ourselves
accessorized by a halo of compassion and charity
Then we paint a mask on others
using colors such as greed and hatefulness
to show how truly evil they were
never wanting to admit our own fault
for fear of realizing our lingering evil inside

The disappointment of your own mistakes
Is greater than any let down from a friend
It is a cruel reminder that sometimes
you aren't capable of accomplishing
everything you set out to do
and that sometimes its yourself that gets in the way
and the worst part is you have no one to blame

I quietly listen in
as they talk about home
about their lives outside of this office
I got lonely and drank ***** till I fell asleep
and wonder how such educated, well off people
could live such lonely lives
I am working on making a bed frame for my twin size bed
why don't these people have anything
and everything they have ever wanted
I think this weekend I will just watch movies alone
they worked so hard and accomplished so much
in their efforts toward education

did they put that before friendship, before love?

There was no peace
There was no decency
No soul or heart
it was neither home nor house
it was cold and dim
the metal trapping me in
isolated but never truly alone
it was all I had
no where to go

The social media craze
of being just a little bit in on the latest gossip
of everyone you have ever known in life
always has me comparing
my work to theirs
trying to compare success
as though it could be measured on a scale
how much weight does
my degree carry
What about their degree
Am I better because I went to school longer
Or am I worse off, drowning in loans
Does pay matter
Are they doing what they love
More importantly, Am I doing what I love?

I can never imagine us being
after having not been for so long
the rift in time
pulled us apart
and there is no way to cross the gap
no bridge you can build
leaving my memories
floating down the stream
underneath your feet
it does not work like that
I can not
I will not
be a retrograde version
of myself
and
who I am now
Is not who you would want
I have come to realize time has ruined
anything we could have had

I've found that my balance
is dependent on light
at night
I begin to waiver
to and fro
Not knowing which way is right
I tend to fall
on the nights
when the moon has no presence
the stars
never seem to be enough
to keep me up
and there I wait till morning light
small tears gliding over my cheeks
my mind running in circles