Well
  I'm broken

        It's complicated
It always is
            
                      And well...

Something very special is happening to the world right now.  I will do my best to describe it.
Not only are we nearing the peak of suffering, darkenss, and evil in the world, we are also
nearing a complete unfolding of the purest, truest, beauty, peace, and love that is greater
than humanity has ever experienced.  This is truely a cathartic time.  Savor it, treasure it, and learn from it.

On a personal level, since January 1st, 2015, I feel like my soul is on the brink of simulatenously bursting with
joy and love as well as sobbing in old hurts.  Sometimes when the pain and love in our hearts reaches a critical
level, a major emotional release is made and that is called a catharsis.  I have been riding along one giant,
prolonged catharsis since Jan 1st.  It is somewhat like a fantastic ****** that never ends.  How bad can that be?

The best part of my life right now is not knowing what will happen next; whom I will meet tomorrow; and what
crazy, amazing situation I will find myself in.  I have this unshakeable and deep feeling that 2015 will be a pivotal
year in my life.  It is like passing through the eye of a needle, and on the other side is the unventured, the unknowable,
the great mystery.  This is both a terror and also completley thrilling.  I sense that 2015 will be a year to remember
for humanity.  Whatever happens, will have some measurable mark on all of us.

So what do I do with this?

Enjoy it. :-)

I have voices in my head.
sometimes they are mine and sometimes they are that girl walking down the street without a hat or a home address and I know this because I know things without knowing them.
there is hurt here, in this car full of silver and new and no smoking or I'll rip your fingers off.
my mother knows how to say amen like she's still dedicated to the Catholic Church I tell her, you should have given that up the day they refused to baptize me.
everyone sees dark in me where there is none.
I was a baby and I was a baby and I'm still a baby, or I wish I was.
I'm a baby who cries and says good morning every day even if it's not.
I say good morning when I wake up after missing dinner
I refuse to touch China now
my hands don't listen to the voices in my head all they think is break break break and the break break break sounds itself like cracking open and I need to lobotomize the dishes in here before she gets sentimental about handing them down to me when I finally find someone who isn't scared of waking up beside me to find my throat slashed
here it is. truth, because there is no right or wrong there is truth.
and truth sets you free.
it sets you free and it has you without a hat or a home address and you still wonder why nobody sends you letters back.
you say they forget your name. Or your middle name but it doesn't matter.
I only answer to "baby girl, do you want me to call the doctor for you?"

I press my lips against your forehead as you sleep and dream and once again I evade sleep for I cannot face the thought of it taking me away from these moments, the moments I capture tightly with both hands and cram into the moving photographs of my heart.
Your hot skin tangled up in mine feels as cold as steel compared to the forest fires that dart through our veins, erupting in each other's hearts.
Amongst the debris, the ash, the embers, lies the very foundation of who we are apart and the inferno we are together.
You pull my body into your arms ablaze I free fall deeper and deeper into you, into me, for we, are as one.
The honesty and irrefutable truth of what we share and who we are together, brings sanctuary that could never be corrupted, comfort that distance could never waiver and a security that shall withstand any obstacle and endure strongly, the sifting sands of time.

met a girl
who tried save the world
and made me need a savior of my own.
says i remind her of someone
she's never met,
yet still knows just the same.
says she's looking for a girl who
loves her darkness and her pain.

and we smoke cigarettes in her car
while the indie music that she loves
plays to the only two people
who will ever listen
and both of us still mean it
when we say we'll never leave
until the night ends
and she's no longer caught up in me.
and her laugh reminds me of a sun
that never comes
and she calls me "dear,"
but it's not enough--
still inside the rush of another love
and the things that she expects:
that the one girl who hurt her
is more perfect than the rest.

and i thought
'i think this could be something -
she holds my hand just right,'
and I am a fool
because I believed her
when she lied.
-aprilxcv

She shows me oceans
Where the desert lays

There's something comforting about crying yourself to sleep with a storm raging outside your window.

The rain, your tears.
The howling wind, your sobs.
The thunder, your pounding heart.

Almost as if you're crying, so the world is crying with you.