Some people only open the door
to slam it harder.

I didn't see it coming
but I felt it in every ounce of my being
an impact so heavy that fragments of my fragile self was scattered throughout the street

dizzily I tried to piece myself together
resulting in such a mess

inanimate reflection of distress

so I tore myself a part again and figured I'd lay there in the world
on the pavement
pieces of me in cement
floating away like rainwater, caught in the flood of duress

susceptible to the elements

but I couldn't stay scattered about
being walked upon and forgotten
sweet apathy I didn't care
but care came back all a'sudden
so I tried to sweep me back together this time
more patient
more diligent

armed with scissors and tape and glue
some pieces gone forever to the deep
some pieces too withered to renew
but there I stood

all askew
no more the one I thought I knew
But the one I chose to keep

I wanted to fall asleep immediately
So I could hold on to the sound of your voice
Float on its timbre
And let your english envelop me like a foreign language

This aberrant dialect.

Every letter wrapping me in its cursive like a warm blanket as I try to commit these strange sounds to memory, because a sentence has NEVER made my face soo flush
OR made me feel the way my soul feels barefoot center stage.

That last breath before blackout.
The feeling in my chest as the curtains rise...

Honest
Childish
Your word choice

I wanted to fall asleep immediately when we got off the phone so I wouldnt miss that flight to you in my dreams!
Where the night doesn't end...

I hadn't taken off my earrings
Or my necklace or my glasses
I hadn't tied my hair
Or brushed my teeth

I didnt say my prayers!! I, I wanted to fall asleep immediately so I could pretend that you were
THERE.
Ya know?

Holding me at heart-beat's length
Telling me to keep talking cause
my voice is so mellifluous.
my silly rambling is a lullaby.

Sweet, melodic
Pleasant, soothing
Too much of a good thing

I wanted to fall asleep immediately so I could land on our conversing and allow the reverberating echo of my collision to torment every
Stage.
Of.
REM.
A reflection of him
And me. And time. Delayed gratification.
The ever-waaaaning night!
Tomorrow
but a slow
creep...
sigh
I wanted to fall asleep immediately
'Lest this moment
forgo my keep.

3.18am 7.25.14

it comes and goes they say. Bringing life to awkard ways. Stimulating awkard minds on lonely days. wastes away in intrinsic minds,repressed.
hapless beautiful thoughts used as insipid grumblings in a harvest without seed.
It is a must.a need.a gift
times' vacation, times' digress.

I keep running, running, running
A young girl trying to find her place in the world
A grown woman trying to be respected for who she really is
I look back at the past and
Down on the present
And hope to God that the future gives me something to look up to
Family curses trink’ling trails of hate in my blood
Reminders of loved ones who were hurt by ones they loved once
Inspirations inspiring me to keep chasing my dreams but reality is …reality
I wake up and wonder what proactive thing I can do today
But reality is reality.
And reality smacks me down and says “nothing”
I’m not a pessimist but I bear a weight with the wield of the world as its stamp
Its not on my back but its on my sisters’ back. It not in my home but its in my brothers’ home
Reverberating in my mind the terrible wonders of the world
Feeling ignorant, not knowing how to help
I read the world news to find out what to do
And lo’and behold a “disabled puppy can only walk in circles”
WHAT?!
Darfur must be a myth and I guess AIDS isn’t “in” anymore
I keep thinking..wait till I’m established
Wait till I’m out of this rut
My life will be holy and pure and intelligent. giving and tithing and..happy and busy…and.. **** and rich?
Cause that’s how it should be right?
Confusing
Why cant I be a soul sistah with locs that likes to listen to rock and give spoken word wearing knit hats and demanding answers? Then go home and maybe watch some anime.
I’m conflicted
I’m disdainful
I’m selfish
I’m vehemently out to get what I want because my forefathers died trying to get it for me
And you know what? I’m gonna get it, because while all this crap goes on in my brain and in my heart , in my family and in the world. Its going to stay at my heels because I keep running, running, running

I back track my steps until once again i feel cold pavement on my heels and the dewy grass has retreated to once again stretching to receive the sun. I bump into the same glass door, the *** still warm as though i had just let go if it, it jabs me in my side forcing me to acknowledge my collision as I face the transparent barrier to what I once thought was home. Its so smoky in there that I can hardly recognize the countenances of my old friends; greed, lust, hate, ******, drugs, envy. I shake my head squinting to read their name tags but the air is too thick for oil stone to sharpen and they're so busy till I realize they don't see me right there. staring. I want to say hi, tell em' the world is cool they shoulda' wisened up like me. All I did was tell a lil white lie but if you're like me, and you wisen' up, you too my dear friend may smell the crisp scent of the greener side. And boom there I was back with my crew. Formerly known as lies, my tag clearly now says pride.