You’ve seen my eyes naked
and my lips sore,
I swear nobody else had seen that before.
You’d held my crooked self between your loving arms,
before this reality had done you any harm.
You knew I was drunk with pity and pain,
but nihilism is every wise man’s *******.
Forget all the human you’ve seen on my face,
remember the mud running through my veins.

I needed you
so horribly badly that my soul began unstitching fragments of the reality we had, looking for you.
So madly, my ribcage was barely able to keep my lungs from breaking out, in search of your breath.
Will you forgive me when I choose the most utter simplicity in order to stay alive?
I swear I will return,
but in the meantime,
bear in mind that a drunken heart is way too heavy for a butterfly to carry.

I needed you I guess.
I needed the touch of your soul to warm my lonely hands.
I needed your insanely simplistic sanity to the insanity of my lucidity awake.
I needed you.
But I need you no longer.
So leave if you will,
I can finish ending myself on my own now.
But thank you.

You think I’m selfish right?
I hate myself but I will break your hands if they’re the ones holding my shackles.
I’m not afraid of leaving myself if I’m the one doing it.
I’m helping you build my own scaffold because I don’t want you to see that my wrists are already bleeding.
I’m dead, mom.
But I’d rather lose you than watch you lose me.
So yes, I am selfish.

maybe I've been so lost
that I no longer have a home.
if this is my new sanity
i might as well go mad all the way.
better die in pain
than live a lie.
shoot me already,
I'm not built for battle.
I'm just trying to be.

she existed in a different dimension.
too sweet, too tender for this reality.
her blurred out image kept sliding in and out of existence so many times we got used to her instability.
i kept telling myself that it was normal, that dissolving into affection's oblivion was only natural
but it wasn't.
she doesn't exist,
she never did.
her eyes widened as if to show me the panic behind them, but i knew
i always knew.
i smiled, tears burning down my cheeks, and said
"it's ok. you exist. just not here"
and she faded
dying.

How strange... I love the sound of us even when you are not. I love how you are not.
Maybe the fact that you are not is what hurts me the most but I still love it.
Because when you are not,
I am not.
And oh, how marvellous it feels to drift into non existance before my heart starts beating.