You think I’m selfish right?
I hate myself but I will break your hands if they’re the ones holding my shackles.
I’m not afraid of leaving myself if I’m the one doing it.
I’m helping you build my own scaffold because I don’t want you to see that my wrists are already bleeding.
I’m dead, mom.
But I’d rather lose you than watch you lose me.
So yes, I am selfish.

maybe I've been so lost
that I no longer have a home.
if this is my new sanity
i might as well go mad all the way.
better die in pain
than live a lie.
shoot me already,
I'm not built for battle.
I'm just trying to be.

she existed in a different dimension.
too sweet, too tender for this reality.
her blurred out image kept sliding in and out of existence so many times we got used to her instability.
i kept telling myself that it was normal, that dissolving into affection's oblivion was only natural
but it wasn't.
she doesn't exist,
she never did.
her eyes widened as if to show me the panic behind them, but i knew
i always knew.
i smiled, tears burning down my cheeks, and said
"it's ok. you exist. just not here"
and she faded
dying.

How strange... I love the sound of us even when you are not. I love how you are not.
Maybe the fact that you are not is what hurts me the most but I still love it.
Because when you are not,
I am not.
And oh, how marvellous it feels to drift into non existance before my heart starts beating.

You say silence,
the most beautiful kind.
You touch fiction,
soft as a lover's mind.
You hear hiatus,
strong and clear everytime.
I feel you,
and it's like all of it combined.

i dreamt my eyes reflected your pain,
and turned it into lust.
i dreamt i no longer had to water my art with tears, for your soul flooded me with passion,
siezing the last bit of sanity your lips hadn't consumed.
i dreamt of your papery skin cuting through me, begging for my blood to write love songs on your edges.
i dreamt of you.
and i couldn't help but curse reality when i woke up,
because no matter how hard i shut my eyes,
you,
disolved in my pillow,
like the memory of happiness.