my friend,
you belong to the sun, I say.
come to the light,
and bask in the goodness of life
in all its beauty and colors.

but you stay in your corner,
and tell me,
but I cannot outgrow my suffering

you could not hold love
without destroying it,
piece by piece
attacking it at its wake .

you tell me you are nothing without your despair
you are at home in the wreckage
and that perhaps,
you belong in all the messes you have made.

your peace only comes when your memory starts to fade,
and the ghosts of your past return to their graves.

you've never seen yourself as someone that could be saved,
for you have surrendered yourself
and have fallen on your knees, arms to your side
begging to be taken away.

you tell me to understand when you say,
there is nothing worth fighting for left in me

and i do, my friend.

i know you struggle to tell yourself that you belong in the sun,
in the light, and deserve all the good things in life

but i also know you do not feel at home in the garden.
you are their loss,
you belong in the wilting.

if there's one thing i'm sure of
it is that
i will always be waiting,
and
if there's one thing everyone around me is sure of
is that
you will never come,
but that has never stopped me,
no one has ever stopped me,
and i fear i'll never be able to stop myself.

i am a running wraith,
your unwanted apparition,
the phantom that relentlessly
walks the lonely road,
and you are the home,
I killed myself to haunt.

only you can make someone as logical and smart as i,
believe in a futile scenario.
the probability of you,
running towards me,
giving us a chance,
is as much odds i have of being in space
during my lifetime.

you see,
i've never dreamt of being an astronaut,
or had a fleeting thought unto seeing the wonders of the galaxy.
however, that changed with you.
now, all i can think of
are all the infinite ways i can swear
the universe,
the stars and all its might,
are playing a role in this
and how i want to see what's beyond this world,
to justify how i feel like you are a wonder,
more than the moon, stars and the sun combined.

i can probably describe to you how the moon shined
so much brighter during the nights i spent up speaking to you or
i could explain to you why the stars feel like they're finally aligning,
and on the day i finally see you,
it will have aligned to lock us in an embrace
that will cause any stars and cosmos to pale in comparison
to the explosions in the sky we will produce.

the stars,
that which i mocked, saying
"i'll never believe in something predestined,"
and indeed it was something i never quite believed in,
until you.
it had to be you.

You tell me your fears,
and i tell you i'll be here.
I thought it would make me weaker than I already am
but it made me want to pick
up my
sword
and lash through
all the challenges
that might
come on our way
because I want nothing more
than to prove you wrong
and be
with you
until you ask me to go.

the heart stops for sunset
the mind during sunrise,
my soul for yours
with no measure,
just an infinite loop
to stop at your smile,
voice
and
sighs.

i might tell you,
during the small hours,
or perhaps, at midnight
when the clock strikes 12.

maybe during the day,
i'm not sure.
maybe not really,
but i could occasionally.

maybe during the afternoon,
when my mind is busy,
and you're busy.
you might not need it,
but i want to tell you anyway.

but at night,
as we are serenaded by distant white noises,
and the sound of a sleeping house,
under the influence of the nearing twilight,
i just might get romantic
and tell you that i love you.

the sun has been kind to you,
it never burns,
just shines right through your face
enough to radiate the beauty that you've always held from within.


the winds has always admired you
for they never blew you away,
just enough to breeze you in and remind you that
you will not be swayed.
everything will change and yet you will remain rooted to the ground,
resolute.

the rain has always been tender to you,
for it has never poured more than necessary
to drown you.
its always just rained enough to
to wash away your sorrow and remind you to slow down
for tomorrow is a promise of sunshine.

and i have and will always love you,
more than you'll see
and more than you'll know,
overflowing but never
overpowering.

you'll know,
you'll see.

our exchanges have been magical,
you and i.

i'd like to gather all the moments we've had so far --
even the ones we shared in silence  
and lay it out for us to be wrapped in them.
the feeling of being surrounded by even just the sound of your voice soothes me,
and that is enchanting for me.

perhaps i'm caught in a spell,
the incantation, however is nonexistent as i
simply see you for what you are
and i am truly delighted,
ecstatic,
and overflowing.

perhaps its not a trick,
not an allure,
and definitely not a spell.
perhaps its me finally falling for the magic,
the hearth,  
not the witch.

darling, crossing paths with you was like seeing fire for the first time --
ablaze and ardent and truly unprecedented.

despite every circumstance that works against us,
i still choose you,
and that's the only conversation important to me.
every line,
every word,
every thought that leads me back to you,
is the only thing i can hear.

because i said, when i finally meet a girl like you,
one unlike no other,
special because of all the things she chooses to be --  
i will be there, to choose you every day.
my feelings will run deep,
and you will be soaked with all that i can and will be.

despite everything, i will stay.
despite everything, i will be yours.

everything you do is every bit unconventional,
unique, and full of life.
so i decided to write a poem about it.
one different from the style i usually take,
because that's the kind of effect you have on me.
you make me want to take the leap,
compel a change i've been meaning to do over the years,
a positive impact, if you will.
you're a catalyst to a series of realizations,
and a smile i didn't know i had,
a laughter i didn't know i could conjure.
but its not what you make me feel that makes me want to write about you.
its not about how devastatingly beautiful i find you,
or how annoyingly charming you are to me.

its about how you are, by far,
the most emotionally intelligent person i know.
what's more is that you are wise and knowledgeable,
far more than you let on,
and yet you have no desire or need to have other people know.
you understand the cause and effect in life,
the necessity for suffering,
and how patience is humbling.

you may meet dozens, hundreds of people more in this lifetime than i ever will,
all of which i hope can see your beauty and your grace.
the hope you carry within, and the light that shines around you.
i hope they see you the way i see you,
because i know if they did,
they'd believe in you no matter what,
and they'd be there to stay through it all.

i hope one day you see yourself the way i see you,
and know why i believe in you.

it means take care or to take care,
in a foreign language.

you will, won't you?
you are far too beautiful to fall,
and even if you do,
i'll be there.

cuida,
take care.

there are so many secrets,
so many things still hidden,
underneath the skin from which you hide.
that even after you revealed so many details
about yourself,
your past, present,
and future,
i still clamor for more.

i hope to unravel,
every part of you,
in time.

i hope to know you more,
because i am drawn,
to every piece you divulge,
even the ones that you hate.

i like what you show me,
and i love even that which you hide.

so confess,
impart,
unfold.

i'm sorry if you're burdened by what i feel.
this is not your fault.
you didn't ask to be cared for,
and you didn't need anyone to be mindful of you.

but,
here i am --
for you,
and there you are --
for me,
for now.

i'm sorry for the weight i've put in your hands.
i promise to take it away, as soon as i can.
i know you don't need what i have for you,
and i know you won't ever want, what i can be for you.

but,
here i will still be for you,
and one day, you won't.

and that's okay,
that's okay.

i am falling for a future that isn't mine.
i wish things were simpler.
i wish i could discard and rearrange my thoughts
and not have you at the beginning
and at the end of it all.
i wish it could be that simple.

i know, no matter how hard i tried to envision it,
its a trap.
but, its nice to imagine once in a while, that it could be me.
and that maybe, the Universe, said yes to it all.
wouldn't that be nice?
but its a future, i know i can never have.
its a future that isn't mine.

i'm tired of thinking of you,
and i'm tired of everything you've done and said.
they're all still playing in my head
but i want you anyway still.

please stop running through my mind,
i know it isnt you anymore,
just a ghost of you.
nevertheless, maybe you can command it to stop.
just this once,
so i can hear your voice again.

i've lost you,
and it isnt my fault,
thats what they all say
yet here i am reeling at this particular loss.

and though it was all too fast,
from wanting to know every side of you,
to trying to omit every trace of you in my head,
you were wonderful.

how can you be both
the demon and the angel
inside of my head?
the very thought of you
starts a cascade of emotions,
both the good and the bad,
and an endless stream of memory,
that seems to replay from
beginning to the end with no form of escape.
what am i to do?
my mind seems to enjoy the demons you inspire,
and my heart misses the angel you were.
what am i to do?
the demon that i hope to finally see you as,
just led me to a deeper understanding that
all my thoughts and emotions point to you.

i never fell for the angel,
it was when you showed me
your darkness,
the demon inside of you,
and all around you,
that's where i fell.

its the break of dawn
and the colors of the sky,
reminds me of our time together.
it was when you captured
my heart,
and my soul.

its the break of dawn
and there is stillness in everything.
the light slowly creeping in,
taking over the darkness,
reminds me of the time,
you put your head on my shoulder
and i felt the happiest.
it was a moment i was positive,
time moved slowly.
my lack of movement
was not because i was frozen
but because time stood still for me.
you willingly closed the distance between us,
making me yours, unknowingly.

its the break of dawn again,
and here i am, still awake at this very hour,
trying to forget,
trying to disassociate you from everything.
because when the light finally touches my face,
i remember that you're gone and
it won't ever be like it was before the light.

its the break of dawn,
and my heart is broken.

there's nothing i can do more but write,
hoping i'll eventually run dry
and have no more to say for you
and for all that we had.
i'm hoping i'll get tired of looking at you from afar,
and wishing we had more time.
i'm hoping i'll villanize you enough
to hate what you've done to me,
and what you've succeeded, unknowingly.

you really hurt me this time,
deeply.
all your words came crashing down,
like a bomb that deployed into a million missiles.
the target was one,
me,
but the casualty was millions --
millions of pieces of my heart breaking,
the first time i've ever felt it do so.
your words pierced like a hundred arrows
that werent aimed at me,
yet i bled,
because i was in the way,
and it got me anyway.

one day i'll get over you,
and i'll walk away from all this mess,
with a smile.
but for now, i'm drowning,
unable to breathe,
or swim away from the destruction.
and even though you've set me free,
and that i should look at the bigger picture,
my mind can't help but be in the details.
one day,
i'll forget.
one day,
you won't be here in me.
one day,
i'll be okay.

forgive me,
you are too beautiful to be this burdened.
i'm sorry you carry so much on your shoulder.
and none that passes could take it away from you.
for the key to unlocking you,
breaking you free from your voluntary shackles,
lies not within me but on someone else.

forgive me,
for a second i thought, i could liberate you.
i believed in my patience
and the warmth i bring.
i thought i could light you up
like fireworks,
instead i'm the one that ended up in flames,
while you continue to seek that which you have lost,
her spark.

forgive me for my delusions,
and ideas of grandeur.
i was wrong to think,
that we could've had something wonderful,
that i could've changed your mind,
and that i could've made the one to make you stay.

for a second i thought i had you there,
some of you,
most of you,
perhaps all of you,
and then none of you at all.

i'm done trying to get you.
every unresolved question
needs no further answer
when you chose to retaliate in anger.

i'm done trying to ask why,
knowing you will never try.
i won't ever come close
to a realization,
a full circle with you.

i'm done playing these games
i should have never started.
i anticipated losing,
yet i never expected it to feel this,
defeated.

i'm done letting myself burn for you.
you set me free
with a flaming tongue
and for that i will be grateful,
and disappointed.

i saw something in you,
and i still do,
but i'm done trying to get you.

perhaps i will always just be a supporting character
to everyone's story.
never the protagonist,
nor the antagonist,
not even the deuteragonist.
i'm just a minor character,
a passerby,
someone to fill in the show.
because when a damsel like you called for the hero,
and i came running,
tending to your wounds,
you kissed me thanks,
and bid me goodbye.
and then you sat there and waited
again,
and tore out the already healing scar.

there and then i realized,
i'm not a hero,
not in your story anyway.
i could never be,
for you chose not to see me.

if i could sum up all the parts,
all the scenes that happened,
and the role i played in your life,
i don't think i would it would amount
to anything at all.
i would still come up short,
or perhaps,
it would still feel like it was all for nothing,
because it was a all a lie,
an illusion.
the only thing that was real was what i felt.
but you couldn't need it.
so when you looked around,
asking if anyone out there loved you,
begged for someone to care about you,
you couldnt see me,
you only saw her,
from far away,
and what you wanted from her.
all while i held you closely.

i didn't really quantify to anything,
did i?
i was just a tool,
an object,
a ship that passed by,
eventually harboring affections for you,
a bridge to help you cross the stream of your tears.

somewhere along the way,
you realized,
you liked drowning.
the lines everywhere blurred.
you liked where the tears were coming from,
never mind the sturdiness
and stability i offered,
you still wanted to drown.
you didn't take my hand,
and you don't want to be saved.


not by me anyway.

As we grow, we come to realize,
there is no wrong time.
The people we meet are those that come
based on the choices we make in our life
and the people we come to love
and receive love from
happen to have the same circumstance revolving around them.

Timing is always our excuse.
That’s always been my excuse.
For the longest time,
I believed I had everything but the timing.
Timing was always off,
until one day,
I woke up and realized it was I,
that ultimately sabotaged everything.
It wasn’t time that ******* us up,
it was me,
and in that moment I realized,
time will never be an illusion to me again.
I will never use time to barricade myself
and fortify my pride and my guilt.

There is no wrong time --
wrong choices, yes but never the wrong time
for anything, or everything to happen.

I try to get mad but she still has my heart.
I can’t cast fire onto it.
Though I’ve burned the bridges between us,
I still wade to get to her.
I still drown in my attempts to get to her.

And though she watches from the shore
and eventually walks away,
the view was enough for me to stay.

you weren't satisfied with my smile,
and the way i liked to laugh and grin
at every little thing you do,
so you took it with you.

you weren't satisfied with my eyes,
the ones that always found a way to stare into your face,
and most importantly to your own brown eyes,
so you took my gaze with you as well.

you weren't satisfied with my kisses,
the ones that were always hungry,
but needed spaces in between,
so i can kiss you in places you didn't need,
so you took that to hell with you as well.

you weren't satisfied with my words,
the ones that assured you that i will be here
no matter the cost,
no matter the pain,
because you didn't really hear it.
its not from who you need it.
so you threw that away, and didn't really take it with you.

you weren't satisfied with my actions,
the ones that screamed of love
and defied all rules and enclosures.
everything i did,
it was not for me to be loved back,
but for you to feel that someone out there cared.
you took all that anyway,
and decided it was time to leave, halfway.

what do i call you?
you were between a lover and a friend.
you called me a potential
and it was foolish of me to think,
it amounted to anything.
maybe that is the exact moment where everything convoluted.
everything got twisted in my mind,
and i believed, dangerously,
for more than a split second,
you wanted to be mine.

i never believed in wrong timing,
just wrong people
but with you,
i found myself saying -- "i wish i met you earlier,"
or "i wish i met you later,".
i' m now convinced that timing really is a tragic thing,
and oh how it destroys what could have been.

in another timeline perhaps i made it past your walls --
the ones you've built around yourself,
preventing anything and anyone
from going in and out of your heart.
maybe, at that moment,
one far different from this version we both traverse through,
you and i were unscathed,
untarnished,
undamaged.

in a separate dimension,
my heart hopes,
there exists a you and i.

i asked into the oblivion,
"when will the pain subside?"
i suppose it was foolish of me to think
an answer would present itself,
that a voice will come out and say,
"soon, after you've felt all that is there to feel,"
i want to shout into the void how tired i am,
how much i want the very memory of you to go away.
but i know myself,
i know that even if i wanted to,
i couldn't.
i can't.
and i won't forget about you.

i had a good day,
and in some, nay, most of those moments,
i couldn't help but think of how we used to be,
and how we would be,
if you were there walking beside me.

how do i escape what's in my head?
how do i free myself from the voluntary shackles i've put in my hands?
how do i retrieve the keys that i've allowed you to swallow unknowingly?

tell me,
how exactly do i walk away from all that's been said and done between the two of us?

i want to destroy this part of me
that yearns for you,
that aches for you,
because it mourns your absence.
i wake up to each new day in torment.
my mind says no,
but my heart pleads for you.
logic tells me you'll never come back
and that i should pack it up and move forward.
but you've opened the irrational part of me,
the one that believes in feelings and humanity,
and it asks for me to be patient,
to go on and carry whatever i feel for you,
in blind faith.

its a terrible thing,
to have hope
and something you hold dear.
i'm hoping i can eradicate every part of me
that feels for you
and hopes for your eventual return.
nevermind what my heart wants,
you don't want any part of it anyway.

at the end of the day,
i can't blame you.
i told you i knew i would get hurt.
you told me this would end badly.
your friends told you to stop hurting me.
but i ignored all of it,
i told you to go on,
and hurt me anyway.
you are not the perfect girl,
nor was this the perfect situation,
but i wanted it anyway.
no matter the cost.
i wouldn't have it any other way.

we embarked on our journey together with a kiss --
a kiss with tears embedded in that memory.
a kiss with tears still forming in your eyes
as you remembered a former lover,
your almost.
ultimately, we ended our journey together with a kiss --
a kiss with tears swimming from our eyes,
trickling down to our lips.
a kiss that meant the end of me for you,
as you did the same thing your former lover did,
and became my almost.

is this what you want?
is this who you truly are?
sometimes it feels easier to think that
i met someone else.
perhaps a ghost,
or a mirage of you.
eventually, i come to the conclusion that,
it was still you.
i met a side of you that i instantly loved,
and even the version of you that left,
still have my heart with it.

last night,
there were tears in my eyes and i chuckled for a moment.
after so many days,
i finally have the time to think about what just transpired.
i finally have the time to remember you,
to think about the chaos,
the storm you brought in me.
i'm left feeling distraught, not with you but with myself for allowing it.
why didn't i fight the urge to go near you?
logic never saved me, it only made matters worse.
i tried to rationalize every part of you that didn't make any sense.
i tried to explain why every moment we part,
everything burns.
i'm still burning, only the flames are bigger.
and you're still the catalyst.

the past few days have been nothing but haunting,
its as if every memory that i once cherished --
every detail of your face,
comes back to me,
mocking me,
taunting me to keep going.
i'm looking for the answer, but the question is
all but a mystery to me.
what is it i'm trying to ask?
am i asking for you?
am i asking what went wrong?
or am i asking for what the meaning of everything was?
nothing makes sense even if i was so sure,
i was ready to get lost in you.
to lose for you.
nothing could have prepared me for everything that stands
before me -- between you and i.
and i know, even if you tried,
you couldn't care for me,
the way i care for you.

i don't blame you,
i'm not an easy fire to hold on to,
the fire i exude is one that burns
to the core.
if its too much, i apologize just this once.
i didn't mean to be too much,
i only wanted to give you warmth,
to set fire in your dying heart,
to help light the path that was dimming ahead of you.
perhaps i can't help you, and that's okay.
perhaps, the only way for you to come back to me,
is to realize the fire that you've started in me,
wasn't something you should be afraid of.

i'm on hold for you,
my body,
my mind
and even if you're against it,
my heart is here for you.
its too late to be careful,
too late,
for i am already hurt,
already feeling,
already yours.

knowing the flame would burn,
did not stop me from reaching out,
hoping it would only sting a little.
the flame did not burn,
as painful as i thought it would,
but it spread within me,
and it is coursing through my veins.
the flame,
that is...you,
even this confusing part of you,
has already made it under my skin.
its futile to tell me to go,
to stop,
for i have already begun to feel
dangerous things for you,
even if the odds are against
the favor of this.

These past few weeks, I've been trying to figure out
What exactly am I apologetic for?
Was it because I lost you?
or was it because I lost myself in you?

I am sorry I could not be the light in your darkness.
I am truly sorry.

I will not be sorry for anything more, for you.

she is so lucky to have had you,
and to still have you
the you before you were hurt,
the you that
loved
and
trusted like nobody's business.
will you trust me too?
or will you believe me to be a fool?

there are so many questions that i need answers to.
questions that i cannot ask you,
nor anyone but myself.
why do you shed tears?
you let out more than a sob that night as i stayed by your side
when she acknowledged how beautiful you loved her.
you, a wonderful being when loved and when you love.
why must you suffer?
you let out another wail, and i wished i could take away the pain.
i wished, with all my might that you will believe me as i whispered,
"you'll be okay, it's okay"
tell me, did you believe it?
i meant it, dearly.

...and I like you anyway.
What is it about you that attracts me anyway?
I try to dissect it,
to cross-examine my attraction towards you.

You --
you are the exact definition
of what a dangerous path in love looks like --
complicated,
unsure,
relentless,
a storm and I want it.
I want to walk in it.
I want to feel the catastrophe you will bring,
the agony I might suffer,
the pain, you might inflict.
I'd like to be weathered by it all.

There's no stopping me now,
I'm driving with full acceleration,
hurtling towards you.
You are unaware of it all,
and though you may never find out,
just how much I'd like to get to know you.
I'm hoping.
Just, hoping you'll somehow see me through.

"where is your happy place?"
you asked,
and from then on i knew,
i was going to war
your mind functions like no other,
for the first time,
i find myself challenged.
"who are you?" my mind bellows,
I knew I wanted to know you,
I knew it in me,
that I will lose all my rationality again,
my mind will be blank,
a canvas to be filled with whatever art
your mind,
your thoughts has to offer.

11 p.m. shaky
"Please tell me what went wrong," I asked.
I never thought I'd get overlooked again.
Even when I've given my best, I still come second.
Truly it is hard to compete with desires and memories.
I laughed with tears, and then those tears turned to real sadness.
I've been let down before.
So why does it still hurt me as first love would?
Why does it hurt so much more than just the sting of a bee?

12 a.m. endure
"I can't keep doing this to you," you said.
I thought, "No!" almost immediately. "How dare you turn weak on me?"
What have I not done to be unable to deserve you, to keep you?
How is it possible for me to lose someone even when I've done everything I could to keep her?
How can I lose you over your interest in making me stop enduring?

1 a.m. nowhere
Silence.
You said almost nothing.
The sounds came mostly from tears escaping your eyes and me forming words, begging you to please stay.
I almost lost you there.
I remember it hurting so much.
I had to punch the wall next to me.
I wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare.
Would you have given up on our next fight had I not brought this one up?
What would my feelings bring this time?
Shall I hide for good?

2 a.m. confession
"I did things and I don't know why."
I had to cover my mouth with pillows so you wouldn't hear me at my worst weep for pain.
The worst part was, deep down, I knew.
I felt it.
I felt your best-kept secrets before you even confessed to me.
I wanted to shout but who would listen to me?
I knew that I just had to keep trusting even if you have shot me a million times.
Truth is, I'd rather be hurting than be happy without you.
That's not happiness. Not to me anyway.
I don't even want to hurt you.
I just want you to love me.
Fully.
But I guess that is not meant for me now.

3 a.m. respite
"I love you."
I love you even if you bleed my heart out.
I will see this through.
The question isn't how much I love you but how much you're willing to do to see it through.
The answer to our problem isn't out there but here.
I wish you would realize just how happy I am with you and that these minor roadblocks are here to test your endurance.
How much are you willing to put me through?
The solution is not to give up.
Every day is a new chance and without asking for it, I've given you so many and I'm only asking for a little bit of chance to be loved in return.
Will you still love me even if my heart's in pieces already?
I promise nothing will be missing.
Do I need to hurt you to be unforgettable too?
Does my heart need to be in pieces before you start remembering about my feelings?

if you have any words left for me,
let me have them,
let me have them one last time.

i fear that
i cannot walk further without hearing you say
you love me, one last time.
please.
foolish, i know.
why would i voluntarily put myself through the heartache
of hearing you say you love me?
loved me.

if you have anything left for me at all,
let me have it.
let me hear it,
let me see.

even just for a moment.

I’ve been having nightmares and mostly about you – the you in the future, the one who’s bound to un-love me anyways, regardless of how well our love story turns out. It pains me to have nightmares about those because I know at one point it will become a reality. In those dreams, its always one and the same, the moment where I lose you, the moment where I have to let you go and the moment where I have to give you up because you’re bound for better things and I am just a moment that passed by.

I’ve been trying not to count the moments I have with you but I can’t help it at times. I feel like every day could be the last and I cannot begin to think of when that day comes. I know I’ll never be ready. I know that these dreams will never get me to be prepared for the biggest nightmare, that is, the day that I lose you.

you'd break the curse
you wouldn't leave
you and i will always be together
we'd make it
you'll see the end of it
you love me.



loved me.

the last few days have felt like a lifetime
i never thought we would come to this point.
but then again, when had we ever come to face regret if not the end?
so while i sit here,
wondering how i can turn back time,
i also think,
to when will turn it back to?
i don't know the exact moment when i lost you,
i don't know how long you have felt the agony,
how long you have allowed yourself to drift from,
how long ago did you decide to start unloving me?
it seems a bit unfair,
to have such a head start.
perhaps you are nearly there,
to the point where you wanted to be.
and i am still stuck on this road,
unable to see,
carrying my own weight,
and all the excess and the very love i had for you,
that which you chose to part with.
tell me, my love.
was it easy?
because it honestly felt like it.
i felt like it was all too easy for you to just cast me aside,
like a match you no longer want to hold.
like a candle that no longer served its purpose,
and like a fire that no longer incinerated you.
and all the while,
i thought we could make it.
all this time,
i thought our love could take it.
how foolish was i to believe that once again,
perhaps,
this one would be different.
that i will not be left in the dust,
the minute things get hard.
that i will not stand in the darkness once again,
alone and lost
because i've shed every bit of light that i had for you.
and now i walk alone again,
wondering,
where do i run back to?

in your eyes
and
in your smile
i saw a flash of hope
that i could be redeemed
from this hole that i jumped into.
a living hell.
i am hoping that one day
you'll reach out,
take my arms and pull me back to the surface
so I can --
we can,
begin again.