More.
War.
It's all I've ever known.
Out here struggling on my own.
Each day is a fight to survive.
Each hour passing with this gift of life.

Tears.
Appear.
Falling to my shirt.
Uncover my face to expose the hurt.
Done begging for your approval.
I'm here to instate your removal.

You.
Threw.
Everything you had at me.
Both figurative and literally.
Now I'll try to say this pleasantly.
Get the hell out, I'll count to three.

It’s been a week - things have been happening - I’m going through it. I’ve become nostalgic for two weeks ago. I got screamed at, I lost my AirPods case and I cracked my iPhone screen, so I’m several levels worse - I’m a sad human. I’m writing this at the Apple Store while a friendly Apple person renders me whole.

The Ukraine situation has everyone unnerved. Draw a card - Pandemic or WWIII? Please, protect my peace. So there’s a level of “*****-it” now.

Friday night, I’m in a bad mood and when someone says “Come-on let's go clubbing!”
I’m - “Let’s GET THIS.” Later, we’re at a club, and it’s INSANELY crowded, like a moshpit. It was ABBA night. It did not escape me that this is exactly the type of milieu I’ve been avoiding for years. Did I mention the WWIII level of “*****-it”?

Ok, moshpit, you could hardly move, you definitely couldn’t hear, and Anna dropped her phone - we were sure that it was gone forever but 30 minutes later a hole opens up and there it is - like it’s just been sitting there waiting - so, there ARE miracles.  

The list of life’s demands grow by the moment - reading, homework, laundry, dinner, upcoming midterms. I had a rock solid plan for a Saturday night of fun but assignments and necessities destroyed its integrity.

After a heroic effort and completing everything, I felt a fast-metastasizing boredom, so I wandered outside my room, hoping for company and distraction - it was 00:30 AM  - and for for once - no one else was there! Where was everyone? Hello zombie apocalypse.

So I did what anyone would do in that beat - I cued-up ”Miraculous,” because Ladybug’s always there for me.

Empathy is a disease.
It's a mirror that you  always look into.
It is the situation that you are inherently bound to.
Empathy is asking for spare change on the corner of a street.

Empathy keeps you dedicated
Like a nun in it for the pearly gates.
It stamps a scar on your heart that can turn to hate.
Empathy is the cheapest coffin in the whole place.

Empathy encourages that charitable sorrow
That plagues the psyche with a bittersweet notion
Of unbearable understanding and sympathy.
Empathy is all alone, drinking wine and watching WWIII on the t. v.

Remember when you told me you forgot your middle name.
And that you didn't remember if you even had one.
That your parents weren't particularly religious; that they forgot God.
And that you've been forgetful lately.
You couldn't
remember
the last time you picked flowers.
Or a president.
Or shot a gun.
Or put a flower in a gun.
And that Vietnam was like Iraq.
And France would bring WWIII.
"What's my middle name?"
You asked.
"Where's the Middle East?"

"Didn't the nukes dropped in the Nevada desert sand create glass?"

"How many windows does this room have? Can you see?"

"The eyes are the windows to the soul."

My eyes feel old
Is what my grandmother would say
when she was tired.
She would play solitaire.
After each game she would
shuffle the deck three ways.
I would always mix them up
scattered on the tabletop.
That's what I remember
from the sixties.

We are never at peace
Although thats how it seems
And the weight I've been carrying
Has finally been lifted off my shoulders
But i've kept my walls up and they are closley gaured
As I will find my lover
And he shall find me
But until then I prepare for WWIII

Welcome to America, in 2016.
Where "all lives matter"
Except Syrian refugees
Where you can't even breathe
Without offending somebody.
Where parents are taken from their children,
Because of the color of their skin.
Where we normalize police brutality.
Where you can be a racist,
And still run for president.
Where injustice is served, with a side of GMOs.
Where the citizens of Flint have been without clean water for how long?
Who knows.
Our minds are diluted by capitalism and celebrities.
Where people will look at you crazy for saying,
"Save the bees"
Meanwhile they're out there, planning WWIII.
When you're told "your vote counts!"
But we're stuck with Trump & Hillary.
Where women on the red carpet are glamorous and sexualized,
But if you're ***** they'll ask,
"Well what were you wearing that night?"
A guy selling marijuana will serve his whole life.
Whereas Brock Turner was released in what felt like overnight.
Where white privilege has never been more real.
And our generation is learning that
"You're weak if you feel."
People being told we have nothing to fear,
Meanwhile the media is controlling what we hear.
People fighting for clean water, as if that wasn't our God-given right.
Our women are afraid to walk home alone at night.
You can work 40 hours a week, and still not make enough to live.
But if you ask for government assistance, you're a "lazy *******."
When in reality, it's just enough to feed your kids.
The Elite have created this illusion of seperation.
They have torn us apart as a world, and as a nation.
The color of our skin doesn't make us any different.
I promise you can love someone who practices a clashing religion.
Underneath it all, we're all the same.
All this person on person violence just makes us pawns in their game.
We should be coming together as humans, who have lost their humanity.
Maybe this all makes my "liberal."
But in all honesty, the current state of the world has me questioning my sanity.
Love thy neighbor, respect their spirit.
Or we won't be around much longer to experience it.

Welcome to America in 2017.
We forgot how to love one another so we were wiped out, mercilessly.
If only we had come together before we tore ourselves apart.
If we remember who we are,
We can be our own light in the dark.

Its bound to come sooner or later.
As scary as can be, this is reality.
I have a feeling this time round it will be more gruesomer.
For there was a one and two,eventually there will a come three.

Even when we bring peace there is destruction.
Can we not all get along?
Blame this on the forces of deception.
And why is there always war and competition about who is more mighty and strong ?

One thing all of us ,humans need to do is care a little bit more.
And one thing all of us humans,need to ignore, is the bitter temptation of gore......

Words spoken
to paint a picture
Of a life so grand
the perfect mixture
Of love, joy, peace
and happiness
The freedom to pursue
a measure of success

A life with no dissention
but only tranquility
To walk hand in hand
in a spirit of humility
To work together
to reach our goals
No longer two halfs
but finally a whole

Freedom to exercise gifts
through self expression
Never tearing down
or have bad intentions
Building up
in the spirit of love
One that's so pure
and sent from above

The ideal life
portrayed through words
But time will tell
what'll really unfurl
A simple disagreement
turns into WWIII
I got question for you
is the grass really green?

You forget me so easily.
I don't exist in the plains of busy workdays,
I am lost when your cellphone begins it's cheerful singing,
the overlooked missing page in a thousand pages needed signing

It's as if i don't exist at all.
I barely cross your mind in front of your friends
I blur so easily in the corner of your eye you refuse to see
I fade; a shadow in your immaculate spotlight

To catch your attention means a nuclear bomb, a WWIII
It's not enough That I give you everything, all I am
Despite all that, It compares in comparison to see you SHINE
I all pays off when I see you smile just for me.

War torn Aleppo
Is featured
In the news today

Bombings **** the innocent

The people hope and pray

We are far
From Aleppo
A bomb not falling
On your head

And like most Americans
I had my daily bread

Even in America
Peace is no guarantee

Will North Korea
Start WWIII?

It’s hard to imagine almost three months of unencumbered fun. My Grandmère says it’s my first summer as an “adult.” Is it funny that I don’t yet see myself as an adult?

Her “frosh-end” gift to me is a summer of anything I want (chaperoned, of course, to counterbalance the nefarious strategic significance of our femaleness) with her secretarial minions coordinating tickets, booking travel, airfare and hotels. ***, we have SO much planned.

There’ll be travel, plisse bikini-covers, gas-station sunglasses, marathon-beach-walks, bright-dense-tangerine sunsets, Yamazaki flavored snow-cones, moonlight swangin, ***-positivity and righteous gratitude to my Grandmère for all this.

And there won’t be any deterministic nonlinear systems analysis or multicellular biology quizzes.

Leong isn’t going back to Macau (China) over summer break so I’m stealing her. She’s spending her entire summer with me. In June, my parents are off, for the rest of the summer, to Poland with “Doctors without borders,” so we become untethered. Of course, all of our plans are covid or WWIII dependent and thus subject to cancellation without prior notice.

In May, I’m going to show Leong life in America, well, Georgia anyway. I’ll introduce her to my old high school crew, show her life on the lake, and teach her how to play frisbee golf and of course, how to waterski. We’re going to Braves games, to see Bonnie Raitt, Barenaked Ladies, and Indigo Girls concerts - and that’s just May.

In June, when my folks leave for Poland, Lisa, Anna, and Sunny will join us for the rest of the summer. First, we’re off to Dublin, Ireland for a few days where we’ll see Duran Duran in concert. Then we’ll go to London and shop for day three of the Royal Ascot.

Day three, at Ascot, is “Ladies Day,” when they parade those hats “My Fair Lady” made famous. We’ll table in the Windsor Enclosure (the “cheap seats”) where you don’t have to wear a silly hat (Americans don’t DO that, do we?) and the dress code is slightly more relaxed. Don’t fret though, the royal family will carriage right by us (an unobstructed 30 feet away) at 2PM sharp and we’ll enjoy champagne, strawberries and 5-star cuisine as horses run for their lives.

In January, all we could talk about were Florida beaches - but that’s not the situation now - the Florida atmosphere just seems too straight-white toxic. So we’re staying euro-side and will drop to Saint-Tropez until we go see Olivia Rodrigo, in Paris, on June 22nd.

As you can see, it’s a lot - and I can’t wait!
I hope you have big plans - make big plans - life's too short!