Nothing could've prepared me for the geared up beauty on the other side of the door. " Oh good, Theon you finally decided to show up. Now before you start yelling about how you don't need a partner, I'd like you to meet Quorra. She just transferred from another guild for some personal reasons, and she's very excited to become partners," Rowan was talking but I couldn't take my eyes from her.
     She was absolutely beautiful. Long, sleek black hair with red tips, full pink lips. And haunting green eyes. This partnership was going to **** me.
No way could I consentrate on killing monsters while she was in action. I could just imagine how her hair would spin as she swung a sword. Realizing she'd been talking to me I decided I should probably stop drooling like a twelve year old boy, and listen.
    " When they told me I could be partnered with Theon the great legend I was shocked as much as I was ecstatic . I'm sorry if I sound lame but I grew up hearing stories about you," Quorra's smile was so wide I was surprised her face hadn't cracked.
"Ah yes, I'm not quite as exciting as the stories convey," I was doing my best to look her in the eye. I wasn't the social butterfly that I used to be.
Maybe it was my growing age, while my physical appearance didn't look a year older than twenty five, my soul grew old with the battle wounds acquired by many years of this life. I was a soldier in need of a break but would no doubt be drafted as soon as my feet hit fresh soil. Abelia was the one who loved being surronded by people, I would let her drag me to her dinners and social outings but she was the one who enjoyed them. I only enjoyed seeing her happy. Her eyes used to twinkle with excitement.
   I averted my eyes, in fear Quorra might pick up on my suppressed emotions. " Hardly believable," she smiled softly. Rowan lounged against the wall with a mocking smirk on his face. When Quorra turned her back to me to sift through her bag I flicked Rowan off, not just for that look on his face, but for the future hell I was about to endure.
    Rowan then decided to drop the biggest bomb on me then, while I was already suffering.
"By the way, Theon, Quorra is going to need a place to stay. And since you have that giant apartment all to yourself , I told her she could stay at your place. Is that cool?" even though he put it as a question , there was only one answer he would take. " Ah, ya sure," I said quickly, wishing I could run out the door and not come back.  Rowan took pleasure in my obvious displeasure.
"Thank you Theon, it's only temporar. Untill I get my own place, then I'll be out of your hair ," Quorra said smiling at me tenitivly, looks like I wasn't the only one feeling uncomfortable.
     Grabbing her bag that sat by the door, I turned to go outside. " I have a car that you can put that in, ah , do you need a ride?" Quorra stammered out quickly. It was amazing how fast things could get awkward. "No, you can follow me to the apartment, it's not far from here, " I said briskly .
Outside I noticed a black SUV parked in the darkest corner of the parking lot. Smart, I hadn't noticed the car going in.  She clicked a button that was on her keychain and the lights on the car flickered. "Is the motorcycle yours?" she asked going to the back of the car to pop open the door .
"Yeah, she's mine," I replied loading her bag into the back. She didn't have much on her. So either she came in a hurry , or she didn't keep much on her.  Rowan had said she'd transferred for personal reasons. "It's beautiful, does It go fast?"
She crossed her arms and leaned against the side of the car. Great she planned on talking for a while.
     "Yeah, that's why I got her. I like to go fast it's exhilarating , the feeling," I smiled at her , and my eyes caught a change in her eyes before she looked down. I could've been mistaken but it looked as if she were blushing. " Well we might as well get going," she mumbled and opened the car door.
I chuckled to myself as I walked back to Racer.
I was going to hell, might as well have some fun before I get there.

There they were
Just the two of them
Surronded by many
Yet in their own world
She laid her head on his shoulder
And he held her tight
Because he wanted her forever
She drifted into the happiest sleep of her life
He saw her and he just smiled
Because he knew
She was happy

Is it wrong to be happy for others
To smile when I see others happy
I saw them
I was happy for them
Maybe because I want to be happy

Is it wrong to want to be happy
I want to be so happy
I feel high
Because I'm so low
Hell seems like a high

Is it wrong to want to be happy
Even after everything I've done
Something in me wants to be happy
But I don't deserve it
So I deny myself the experience of happiness

Instead I intrude on others happiness
Because all I want in life
Is to know how happy feels

like an island,
i sit here surronded by water;
you are my global warming,
the reason i will be swallowed by the surronding ocean;

of my tears.

There she was
lying still on the couch
posing the best she could
with her gaze transfixed
deep into his eyes
basking in the thick silence
that surronded them
the only sound of his charcoal lead
stroking the paper could be heard
His every stroke defined her curve
a little better
His rough hands blending the lines
staining her soul a beautiful shade of charcoal
She could feel him
making sure strokes
thus bringing the woman on paper
to life
she felt her heart slipping ...
slipping from her hand
and on to the paper
the color of her skin fading
and reappearing on his masterpiece
the fullness of her lips
was nothing
as the beauty on his canvas
now owned it
the last thing she felt
was the twinkle of her eyes leaving
adding the final touch
to his creation
and it was when
he broke the eye contact
taking with him
the beauty he sketched  
he left ...
not knowing that
He left the masterpiece behind
on the couch .... !!

Sometimes I find myself waiting
Waiting for the old times
The good times, to come back
Im stuck here in slow motion
Surronded by this constant commotion
Sometimes I break and I have no strength left
No im flooded by the pain
Left to fight this war by myself
I don't know who I am
I barely know whats real
I barely feel

nebious rubber skinned demons
haunting my dreams
eldritch casters of my fate
shape undefined
and vaguely human
they surronded me
and I knew I was asleep
And I couldnt wake up
and I couldn't fall asleep

We've stood togther at the crossroads
I've always been ready at the fork in the road
With my boots strapped tight and a map in hand
Trying to help lessen the weight of the load

We are never there alone though
So my offered guidance you refuse
You hand half the load to stubbornness
And one of you two choose

My choice is to follow along cautiously
Or head down a different road alone
Leaving you and your friend stubbornness
To venture off with all I own

Before I know whats happening
I'm following in the rear
Lead down the path you've taken
On a dark road to despair

It's the same story everytime
You eventually regret the choice
It's always here, in the middle of no where
You start to hear my voice

Miles back, in the light of day
I stood to block the way
But it wasn't my decision then
So you chose to ignore what I had to say

Here in the darkness, surronded by danger
Huddled next to me, your friend stubborness becomes a stranger
Suddenly you depend on me
I'm looked at as the game changer

Thats when the tables turn
Now I'm handed all the gear
The strength you both had earlier
Has crumbled into fear

I get us to the otherside
We are grateful to be alive
For a short time I'm the hero
I'm the reason we survived

But like a circle goes around
The cycle starts anew
At the beginning of another crossroad
I'm left following stubborness and you

It's in the time when you're surronded
By nothing but air
And no one to talk to that the
Pain becomes too much to bear.

It's when you need it most,
That no one is near,
You bottle everything up,
The pain, emotions, and fear.

Starting a new life,
In a place with no one you know,
Can be one of the hardest things,
But it's a fear you can't show.

You have to protect your brother,
He can't know that you're scared,
As if moving across the country wasn't enough,
Then your mom's health - you weren't prepared.

You suit up to take life head on,
Act as your baby brother's second mom,
Take care of your mom, the house,
And family, while trying to remain calm.

It's a lot to deal with,
A lot of pain to bear,
But you're stronger than you know,
And by this, I swear.

Your support stretches across the country,
You've got people who care and love you,
Life hands us things that aren't easy or a choice,
But we know you're strong enough to push through.

May God bless you and your family,
With whatever life may bring you to,
You are always in my prayers,
I put my faith in Him to take care of you.

Dad, I hope you're not in your head,
Hating who you are.
It was an accident, I would still try to.
I hope you have peace, quiet for now.
The heartache that surronded your life.
Easing up, floating away until you feel none.
I don't want you to see yourself right now.
I don't want you to think that all you are was a chronic illness, a brokedown body.
That flames have now kissed.
Know that your intelligence still intimidates me.
Your humour quick, smart.
Even as I watched your body attack itself.
Slowly taking your life away.
As your anger and hate for what your body did to you.
Became all consuming, I still know who you are.
You are the amazing cook, terrible math tutor, lunch at home, you were my picture of strength.
You were the one when I was little to cuddle me.
You were the very proud man, who in a few calls could get it done
Dad,  I can still see your face.
I can still see the fright, the knowledge.
The forfeit.
I want you to know I loved you.
I want you to know I respect you more then any other person in this world.
I was with till the end,
and I know you will be with me.
I almost am excited for it to be my time.
To feel those arms that were so strong when I was little hug me once more.
To hear you say, welcome partner, we are home.
Until then, watch me close and yell at me loud enough for me to hear.
Help me with my choices, get me through this tough life.