losing you was the beginning of finding myself
the prodigal me had finally returned home but i had been
divided equally in two
you threw your half away
you squandered your wealth in wild living
and women that were not me
i longed to fill my heart with
happiness that had once overwhelmed me
i couldn’t find healing in your hands anymore
i spent months searching for arms
i could trust again

but i couldn’t find those either

the first time i realized
i had taken half of you with me too
i was standing in the bathroom looking in a mirror
describing body parts with your name
this was the first night i took a blood red pen to my skin
and started labeling my arms as madi
my legs as madi
my stomach, my thighs, my neck
madi madi madi
mine.

its hard putting shattered pieces back together
and healing does involve hurting
it also involves recovery

if you would have asked me 12 months ago
which direction i saw my life leading
i would have never pointed you here
sometimes life has a nonsensical way of working out
you always end up where you are meant to be
you will figure this out the hardest way possible

but loving yourself will become the easiest thing that you do
eventually
time will heal all wounds
eventually
you will come home to yourself and not be disappointed
eventually
this version of me was dead and is alive again
she was lost and but i have found her

and im so happy i did

at first glance she does not seem to have a care
it might be the way she flips her hair
but look a little deeper, pick her apart
and suddenly she has a heart

behind glass eyes and tough skin
the apathy runs thin
through her blood that rushes through
her veins like me and you
but she’s different
a little indifferent

broken bones and
a broken home
worked together to create a blissful
hurt creature full
of pain but mostly love
hidden above
the ideas that vulnerability makes you weak
and weakness does not build strength rather it’s a slap on the cheek
so you turn the other cheek and build another wall
to hide from it all
because

no one really cares
or maybe it’s just the way they’ve been flipping their hair
I don’t know
but what I do know
is that she cares
and she is there
for me whenever i’m down
she wipes away my frown

at second glance i see the way she cares

genuinity, something i have only found
in the most broken of people washed up on the ground
trying to fix those around them
because they don’t dare see what is coming from within

Madison* GRACE

Her Cello sings of beauty and earnest rays surene
Such a lovely Graceful Daffodil sitting atop the smiling Moon
Her beauty winks at the Moon which admires her beautiful face
Which brings such sunrays slanting and dancing through the world
And singing to it at Night and hushes the world to sleep
With her beautiful voice which matches her enchanting face
Everyone stops to smile at my Emerald gem sparkling
All day and all Night long bringing hope and bringing all the other lovely things
Snowflakes lacy and lovely kiss her smiling face. . .No she is the Snow
Which dances gracefully from the grey sky
And waltzing on the pine trees
My oh my such beauty she bears and such lovely Grace
She is the sun and it's rays dancing down from above
Sweetly she fills the world with love
Such gracefulness and peace comes from her
Flows from her like a sparkling creek dazzling my eyes
Shimmers like a lake and dazzling like a river
Like a gazelle she is graceful in every way
She is my old fashioned Victorian Princess
Of The Dew Kissed Hibiscus
And we walk through the Enchanted Hibicus Mountain
Full of peaceful solitude and beauty
Such extreme beauty matches that of my Madi's face
Full of tenderness, kindness, and love
As she flys upon wings of a dove
Bringing peace to all her see her
As she bestows them with gemstone leis
And Moonstone kisses--so enchanting on this
Romantic Night where Jades kiss her own
Emerald face of beauty and care!

*~Marian~

MAMA, I am left speechless, I don’t know where the road leads from this point onwards. I am left hanging on a jungle in great struggle trying to save myself from falling ******* the surface.
At all times as I was about to fall from the ninth floor you saved me by holding my hand real tight and gave me enough reason to continue climbing the ladder towards success.
MAMA, during thy existence on Earth, I never received diamonds nor Golds but the tender, love and care you offered indeed became my greatest treasure and shall not be forgotten in any day.
The lessons thy offered me shall certainly build me into a better daughter, an improved friend a good wife to he who will be God sent and certainly a good parent to thy grandchildren.

MAMA, thy removal in this Earth by those whom we always thought were a shoulder to cry on when we are in pain has certainly taught me that we never had friends, pity I had to realise this without you.
I remain on Earth with heartless creatures who will do absolutely anything to knock me down to the ground but because of your emotional existence I know I will overcome anything coming my way.
Mama, thy physical absence certainly does not mean I am left alone, thy love exists in all ends of the atmosphere and I will forever feel your presence everywhere I go.
Death stepped foot between a mother and a daughter in hopes that it will separate the two but the special bond between you and I MAMA is so strong that not even death can separate us.

MAMA, I am in tears, I seem to find no reason to continue living because my soul repairer has been removed next to me for reasons of which are unknown.
It breaks my heart when I think of all that is happening, my future endeavours has been ruined because physically you won’t witness me graduating or going shopping with me in my car.
So many things will change, I can never distinguish daylight to night-time. The mouth-watering food you used to prepare for us daily will never be tasted anymore unless I think of the past.
Nonetheless, thy special recipe will forever be in my mind and I know that in one of the good days I will prepare it and let your grandchildren taste thy teachings.

Empa MAMA, kalelingwe lamatsatsi gotla loka ebile ketla kgona go amogela gore otlogile lefaseng. Madi awe asenang molato kasolofela gore magodimong odutsi stulong sa kgauta ekganyago jwale ka lerato leo ne ompha lona kamehla le matsatsi
ROBALA KA KGOTSO , MAMA YOU PLAYED YOUR ROLE.

i use social media as an outlet for my emotions
the only problem is that
most of my mixed feelings develop because
of subtweets and
photos of girls who are not me
isnt it funny?
how the apps on our phones are
both the sickness and the cure
no
you will not go to heaven,
you will eternally reside in
your saved drafts on twitter
i dare you to post your most embarrassing
mine?
"do you ever look at the man you used to love
and wonder why on earth he doesnt cut his hair
and why he started wearing bermuda jorts"
its more embarrassing for him
my love life is now at my finger tips
do you know how many guys want to love
the girl they met on tinder who
hides behind her poetry
and uses harry potter as an escape mechanism?
none
i dared one to text me at midnght
between mispelled words and shots
he completed the phrase
i love .... euphamisms
like when your former self dies you call it
growing up instead of suicide
not my type
i cant stand when people cough in class
it reminds me of choking on
words
my words - the ones i say when i'm not supposed to
or the ones i should've said but never did
all of my pictures are captioned with
phrases and song lyrics that
i read in your voice
i wish that record wasn't broken
i wish i was a wizard
truly i do
with spells like
impedimenta (to slow down your attackers)
i wonder if it would slow down the voices in my head
i wonder if it could slow down you leaving
or my breathing (or lack thereof)
this wasn't meant to be emotional,
but with the world like this
how could you NOT cry
ive spent more nights in the bar bathroom
than i have in my own bed
its true how they say big events are
the most intimate
madi hahn - party of 1
or party of 761
if you count the followers who favorite my
tweets about dying
no one relates to happy poetry
why?
because no one is happy
because. no. one. is. happy.
its a facade - a mask, we hide behind
but then the clock strikes midnight
we're back daring stupid guys
to tell us **** about ourselves that we already know
we burn holes into screens trying to be relatable
we lose the best versions of ourselves
and
we are fine with it as long as
we recieve our fair share of attention

we deserve it