A few days ago I felt
I was at one

I don't really know why I was
all down in the dump

But now I took out the trash
without me in the bag

Cause I said and seen a lot
to know now what's good and
what not

So I was at 1 feeling like my life
was down
It took awhile but I am at a 10
and this time I will not give in

To the darkness with in me
you can't control  me

I feel my old burns heal over again
The restlessness of withdrawals still here
Just one more cut to quiet thoughts within
Just one more burn to calm the constant fear
Just one more viewing to feel less alone
Though I have endless private tabs lined up
Just one more drink while I scroll through my phone
A new shopping spree to feel like enough
But my demons will never go away
I cut, drink, and ******* to drown it out
Who cares if I lose touch, I love the pain
I've already far outlived my planned day
My plans keep shattering, I've no set route
But I can't have you see me like that again

The day you left
I remember it like it was yesterday
The day that you left
My world was torn apart
From the inside out
I no longer had you
A day felt like a month
A month felt like a year
A year felt like a lifetime
Waking up each day
Knowing you were gone
Knowing that the person I looked up to
Was gone forever

I traced the texture of your words
Like my heart was blind
And your voice was braille

i want to love you
like a lazy sunday morning
staying in bed
taking our time
sipping coffee
memorising every freckle
like the constellations in the sky
white sheets
and tangled limbs
with the scent of a memory
fresh on our lips.