How can I call this my home,
When all I feel here is alone.
I am the maid, the cleaner,
Your vacuum, your partner?
How can I say I am content,
When 24/7 my effort is spent.
I can't, I am drowning,
Water of life is surrounding,
And down I am heading,
Into darkness unwedding.
God forbid they find out,
Silent screams and shouts,
As I slowly fall into my own web of doubts.
How can I fly,
Reach my dreams, and the sky,
When this land isn't dry.
Much like my eyes.
I fall, I descend,
Shadows my only friend.
And nobody knows,
Outside does it show?
That inside,
I'm on the bottom of the ocean...
*Of my own mind.

We were beautiful children
And we grew up so brave,
We were touched by death and heartbreaks but we stayed just the same.

We listen to jazz all night and drink red wine,
Find ourselves adventure to pass the time,
We don't talk much about the pain we've felt inside,
No more bumps in the road,
Just enjoying the ride.

Our love is too strong to carry weight of what's gone,
We find peace in the sun,
And the belief of being young.

Love of mine in the world,
We are one in the same,
You can laugh while you're crying and be childish when you lose games,
We are fine, we are okay,
We are in love,
And our children someday will be just like us.

You come and you go,
repetitive dream motions
driving a picture of
your face
into my little mouse heart.

Apparition of sleepless nights,
you smile- drop your bags
on my bedroom floor.
I nursed your broken bones
and kissed your fingertips,
crushing the passage of
time in my small hands
like so many impatiens.

And then came the storm clouds,
and you traveling north-
leaving no trace
of what once was;

only memories
like ashes
dissolving
in the rain.

Tuesday September 8
11:59 pm ~ virtual mind

And maybe I could sleep forever
Until my feet turn to clouds
My souls to dust
I sleep as my limbs grow light
Inching toward a numbness
Like never before

Maybe if I could sleep at all
I'd realize that my dreams are real
The only thing that's make believe
is this life we're all pretending
We're so ******* small
in the scheme of things
Don't you ******* forget that

And my dear,
Don't let your big head get in the way of your beautiful mind
Confine in me, what you never could
I've always counted on a pinkie finger
For a trust as strong as redwood

It's true, the sun will rise
This galaxy is hidden in your eyes
A perfect paradox we saw
Exchanging vows in a funeral hall

With a world so vast and mesmerizing
I tipped the flask that you were hiding
Stream of consciousness, waters rising
Broke the dam,
the lake is stagnant
I've always attracted your sadness
like a magnet

I cant tell you the amount of times
Ive cried for you and drowned
in my tears and regrets

I cant tell you the amount of times
Ive dreamt of you and woken up
missing you more than I ever have

I cant tell you the amount of times
Ive looked for you at the bottom of a bottle just to realize I lost you forever