I remember the first time he called me beautiful.

I laughed because I thought he was joking.

How innocent we were,

so naïve, not knowing that one kiss can change a whole relationship.

I remember as the months turned to years,

And the beautifuls became more persistent,

Yet I still laughed because I knew nothing could happen.

I remember that fateful night when fear paralyzed me

And he brought me back to life.

I was frozen in my fear

And he came to my rescue with one passionate kiss.

I remember the weeks that followed

And the fun we had as our new romance began.

I remember the thrill as we fought to keep our romance a secret,

Sneaking from the kitchen to the hallway

And from the bedroom to the car.

I remember how my heart leaped to my throat when the first person called me out on us.

I was so scared to hear the disappointment, but it never came.

I remember the joy I felt with every look and touch from him.

The passion we had for one another was overwhelming.

I was living in a blissful state of naïveté.

I remember the day my ignorance turned into mistrust

because of a person I thought was my friend.

Then I scream and shut down my mind because I can't handle the pain.

So again I remember the first time you called me beautiful.

I've been here before
sitting, waiting, wishing,
but for what, love from another
or just a longing for a real love
do I really need you in my life
or is it just a want
am I thinking too hard over this
or am I on the right path
should I be waiting here
waiting for some sign
a sign to tell me where to go
or what to see
or who to love
is it right for me to wish that you were here
to wish that for once you could see me
is it right to wish for you to truly show me how you feel
to show me that you'll be here for me
be here when I slip up
to show me that you'll be here to tell me its ok
to tell me you love me
as I sit here longing for comfort
the comfort I know I'm suppose to receive from you
I can't think of one time you've been here for me
you were always around but you never lived up to your title
you are suppose to carry me when I'm hurt
you are suppose to rescue me from the situations I get myself into
you are suppose to be the one guy I can trust
but I can't, I can't depend on you
I can't be sure you'll be here when I'm in trouble
I don't know if you'll always be here for me
my one wish more than anything is for you
for you to wake up and see what your missing
for you to realize why you are losing us
for you to see the pain you cause us
the pain that happens because of your action
it's not a physical pain that you cause it's emotional
it's the kind of pain that lingers there for years and years
the kind of pain that cause us to lash out at you
the kind of pain that makes us wish you weren't here
where in turn we truly want you to be here
but to be here in a completely different mind set to be here in love
to be here with a caring and trustworthy attitude
to show us not tell us you care
to use your actions to let us see you changed
your word means nothing if there is no difference in your actions
I say all this just to be left here
left here sitting, waiting, and wishing.

I said Hello as you walked by hoping that you would hear me, but you didn't
I cried and wondered why you didn't even flinch at the sound of my voice
How could you walk past me with out a simple notion that I was there
Then I saw some one else I knew and again I called out but nothing
I kept calling out to people but no one answered
Why had everyone turned against me
why doesn't anyone acknowledge me
So I began to talk to myself and much to my surprise I heard nothing.
What was going on I can hear everyone else.
Why can't you hear me! I scream as a multitude of people pass by me
All of them seeing me but not hearing me
How can a person live like this!
How can I express this disparity with no sound.
I begin to panic!
And right as I feel a scream pierce my ears I wake up

This dream has haunted me for years now
Ever since the day I shut my mouth instead of telling you the truth
Some say silence is golden,
but I know the truth Silence is the enemy.

As he began to play his song I was transported into another dimension
A place where all of his hopes and all of his pain came together to form a beautiful tapestry
The tapestry told a story of deceit and betrayal with colors of dark red and black
But as the song continued the story began to change and the colors began to adapt
Splashes of pink and blue entered the tapestry as his faith was sung
Soon Yellow and Green began to intertwine with the tapestry as sparks of joy entered his words.
This tapestry that was once dull and uninviting had transformed into a complex depiction of the trial and triumphs of his life.
Who knew that eight simple notes could form into the tapestry of life?

My mind wandered as he walked in,
Wandered into the undetermined future of this thing they called "us"
Was it a lifetime of undeniable affection for one another?
Or was it a longing that would only lead to years of jealousy and rage?
Either way it goes it would definitely lead to an unrelenting passion,
Unrelenting huh?
A never ceasing, always wanting, continuously pursuing, passion for one another.
Sound like a lot of trouble to me.
Maybe I should sit back and reevaluate my wanderings,
What if this attraction is only felt by me?
Then will I want all of this?
Am I okay watching from the sidelines as my other half of "us" creates "us" after "us"
What I want to say is NO!!! And run away
What I will probably do is sit and watch,
Watch as the other half of my "us" turns into a quarter than an eighth and then a sixteenth and so on and so forth until the number behind the decimal is too long to count.
And even then I'll be sitting here waiting for him to return
Cause even in my singleness I am loyal.

His Scent lingered on my shirt hours after our last embrace,
the moment before I decided to say goodbye,
With each breeze tears filled my eyes as his sweet fragrance kissed my nose.
I knew saying goodbye was impossible but it was the only way to protect my heart.
My body ached for just one last taste of his enchanting aroma.
His tantalizing aura was all I craved, although I knew His mouthwatering perfume was just there to disguise the poison of his kiss.
His venom had already spread throughout my body and paralyzed my mind.
I could no longer think apart from him.
He was a toxin specifically designed to rip apart my ambition for love .
His infection had almost completely taken root when suddenly I saw a glimpse of hope
The antidote lay inches from my grasp,
It was a tiny vial labeled freedom
This was it , I had finally found the cure for my disease and yet I hesitated,
Was I ready to become my own person?
Could I stand on my own two feet or would I come crashing down paralyzed by my fear of being alone.
I as desperately searched for the courage to drink the remedy of my illness I was overwhelmed by a sweet and familiar fragrance.
I begin to get lost in the memories of the tantalizing aroma,
but as I hear him call my name I snap to my senses and drink the formula.
How delightful it was to taste the overwhelming sweetness of Freedom!

The day you told me you were free I found myself in captivity again
My mind and heart had finally become comfortable out of the cage that was you
And now they are right back in it, desperately fighting to be free again
When you were taken my mind didn't linger in the prison of possibilities
My thoughts were free to explore change,
My heart still ached from your scars,but it was healing.
Then you came and reopened every wound
With one look my walls fell to pieces
Everything I had built to keep me safe was destroyed in one embrace
With one "I missed you" I willingly walked back in
I knew the door would shut behind me never to open again
And yet I still walked in.
The prison of you had become my resting place
It was my identity,
It has been the only thing I've known for the last three years
Its where I've laughed and cried,
This place know my deepest fear,my biggest regret and my one true love...you
My fear is that you will never love me and that I will never love anyone else
My regret is falling for you to soon and maybe even wishing I hadn't fell at all
And my love is you
Everything about you
Your eyes, your smile, your laugh, your passions, your mistakes, your failures everything that makes you, you
You have my heart
And you know what they say home is where the heart is
So it looks like I'll be staying in this prison, with no hope of escape
And maybe someday my prince will come, but until then all I can do is love you

Tears of blood falls from your face as everyone turns away
Even your Father who has been with you every step of the way turns his head
As they drag you to the cross you reflect on everything that has brought you to this day
from your first miracle, to your first time in the temple to the wise men and the manger bed

You who lived with out sin now has to face a punishment that only the worst criminals bear
A crown of thorns they placed on your head and they nailed you to a cross until you died
You who healed the sick, made blind men see, cast out demons, and helped the deaf hear
The very same people who once loved you now scream for you to be crucified

Why would you give your life for a sinner like me?
With every day I'm given I seem to ride a roller coaster of fear
And even though I mess up day after day you forgive me
And when I'm full of guilt and despair you come and wipe away every tear

Love is the reason why you gave your life to save us all
From your death all may live eternally in you
And as we live our lives for you your love is what catches us when we fall
And now you prepare a place for us to live with the Father too

One Day we will rise to meet you in the sky
And every knee shall bow and every tongue confess you are Lord
Then a great battle shall commence and Satan shall die
And we will live together without a tear and everyone in one accord

Praise the Father, Lord and king we all will bow at your feet
We will sing of your triumph and you power
When sin is washed away and sinner and God meet
And we'll live in peace with our father forever!

Just sitting here with you laughing
Us against the world
Singing and dancing to the beat of our hearts
Telling each other our deepest darkest secrets

Feelings swarm all around us
Ripping us apart
I love you
Everything stops
Never to be the same again
Dreams of you and I
Shattered with a simple phrase

We're just friends.

He paused realizing that I could have been hurt by his words and to a degree I was, but the real hurt lay within the truth, that although he may love me, he was never in love with me.