agape
i give you my hands
do what you please
just don't forget
i also have dreams

Words flow for hours into the late night
I grow a little tired but it's all right,
for I'm not ready to depart.

As our words dance around one another
as we exchange ideas between each other,
I begin to see your heart.

You and I are not that different
even though there is some distance,
we are not that far apart.

My thoughts are very fond of yours
talking to you is not a chore,
I enjoyed you from the start.

You might wonder if I'm blind
but I assure you, I see just fine,
you're a beautiful piece of art.

<3

Baby, let me die a classic,
pull those curtains down;
give me one last dream,
don't hurt me now,
I won't hurt you ever.*


Fifteen years on board and sail,
then Life hit the breaks too fast;
I saw you grow so old, so weak,
and in your hospital ward blues.
I was trying too hard
not to cry, not to shame.

could you be my equilibrium
that harmony of flux and flow that reaches
a peaceful equality to swirl
in indescribable complex patterns
spirals which drill into my bones
and anchor me to this world.

you hammer your nails into my hull
next to the mermaid whose home on the bow
of my sky-faring ship
watches that horizon always retreating
devouring the evening sun’s final rays
before being bathed in the night
the thick blanket held over me
protecting me from the liquid shards
the razor sharp realizations that
batter me onto the rocks when the waves
are too high to even see
and annihilation seems inevitable
so i welcome it.

i don’t know this serene scene before me
this water that stretches out like
a vitreous road
shimmering glass cobbles that threaten
to break if i even touch
a single toe to its transparent doorway into
a world laying through a looking glass
accelerating to infinity eternally beyond my grasp
as my fingers fumble
and my nails dig into your supple skin
as i grasp handfuls of your back
trying to pull pieces of you away
so perhaps i can return to them on a
day when the world is mist and i am Away
and only the tatters of you
shredded ribbons of your presence remain
disjointed memories
of me
unsure how to breathe
pressing myself ever closer to your body
as if to fuse myself to the natural rhythm
the rise and fall of your chest
your radiating warmth visibly distorting your features.

and i’m screaming.

you say it to me all the time
so quotidian
it simply falls off your
carefree laugh
and do i see the remnants
of a fear
clouded by memories of another
woman you loved
who brandished knives on your bed
carving the evidence of her inadequacy
into the skin your fingers caressed
the body whose every crevice you had
explored for eight years

you must see some of me
in her
a peppering of her in me
like the seasoning that the creator added
as a dash of spice
to the primordial broth from which
we both crawled
spoon to his lips and a
contented smile turning all his features
up up up

you blow it off
but she must come to mind
every time you hear
the diagnosis
the label

"Oh, she's bipolar?"

the explanation for every
single
*******
aberration in our behavior

but you know it's not just
a "Hello, My Name is _" badge
it is days without sleep
paranoia-fueled delusions as we
diverge from your reality
and exist on a plane that
you cannot access

we go to Away.

but you know
that somehow we are eerily present
at least to you
from your perspective
when inky black voices
scream terrifying bile
and a bloodlust builds in the center in our chest
and we can smell the metallic whiff
of every single knife
each nectar-sweet blade
in the entire world
and you want to be there

you want me to call you
so you can see me
writhing on the floor
unable to rise from bed even fueled
by that insatiable hunger for
my blood
to die
to not die
to not be

can you live with a ghost again