I see you Staggering Your breath smells like a bar
I rush to your side You push me away You don’t want help
Your wasted lips Clumsily dumping words “I’m fine... I’m good... I’m great...” They slur You stumble
I steady you gently I sit you down I gaze into your drooping eyes
“I know you’re in pain But, my darling, This’ll only make it worse I see you I see your suffering You’re not alone Don’t run from your grief You’ll never outrun yourself No matter how many Memories you drown”
You stare me dead in the eyes
“I’m not running.
I’m just numbing the pain
Until it puts me in the grave.”
And then I fear I’ve lost you, My love.
I seem to have some destructive and suicidal fantasies. Perhaps writing them will help ease their grasp on me.
Awaking from my self-induced daze I wasn’t careful Too much wine Not enough food Not enough water And to my stupid surprise My head aches I feel ill I just want to lay in bed Part of me is begging not to do it again But another is begging for more
Nouns we have too many new verbs we need to find beyond the obscurity of feeling thoughts that outweigh the mind-
objects are easily named certain states of being we couldn't define language is a lacuna and lacks clarity left in the limbo, our thinking tools we have to refine.
Here a pump,there a pump, Everywhere pump, pump, pump Touch and pump, A gentle pump, a hard pump, Swipe and wipe, Oh!Corona what a life, OCD of sanitizer. 17/3/2020