the years     slip     by
& i don’t know
how it happened
but there you were
and there we were
in a world
that makes no sense without
your laughter
and your silence
and your eyes (they always
make me forget time)
we’ve lived
in moments that fall
like raindrops,
softly,
quietly,
but they are ours—
and in this life,
i think we made something
that’s too big
for years
or clocks or words
to hold.

ten years & still
there’s only you
there’s only me
there’s only us
and what comes next
is whatever we make of it
(we always do,
don’t we?)

Our love is different, our love is a purity that cannot be ruined by sharing it with others.
Our love is you and me pretending to know what we're doing.
Our love is fighting over silly things and making out to make up.
Our love is questions we can't find answers to.
Our love is doing things searching for a connection, and spending the rest of the time disconnecting.
Our love is buying followers bigger than our mistakes.
But our love has survived the seven-year mark, we must be soulmates.

I wreck my mind, searching for the worst parts of you to write about
I want so bad to feel nothing but resentment towards you
To erase everything good you have ever done
To pretend that you were anything but good to me
To convince myself that you are the antagonist in the story that is my life
To say it was you who broke my heart, despite how incomplete it was when you found it
I fail to think of anything unpleasant to write about you
For your presence was the most divine gift life had given me
So I come up with lies, in hopes of convincing myself (if not everyone else)
In hopes of restoring my desire to continue to exist without you
In hopes of averting an impending calamity

My mind, an ocean of thoughts
You, a voyager, courageous and patient

A lot has happened lately
I've had my heart broken
Torn
Sewn back together by unfamiliar hands
Torn and worn out
But the moment I saw you
My heart healed itself
I let out a sigh of relief
As if I've been holding my breath this whole time
I felt safe and secure after feeling vacant and misplaced
I saw you and I couldn't hold back
I saw you and an ocean of tears streamed down my face
You will always feel like home to me

I managed to look away every time our paths crossed.
You were running late that day, and your friend had saved you a spot one seat away from me.
One seat closer to me.
My heart an overheated chamber, my mind a chaotic library of thoughts, I panicked and got up.
Anywhere, but here.
Anywhere, but next to you.

I want to talk to you. Tell you how I feel, blurt it all out.
And I know you’d understand, but I am bereft of courage.
I feel a sudden wave of sadness, one that requires no medium.
One that is impulsive and violent.
I don’t want to talk to you, I want you to see right through me.