You know.
It's true what they say.
That once you fall asleep in the arms of your lover,
You can't sleep alone anymore.
Something doesn't feel right.
Something is always off.
The feel of her body,
Her warmth,
Her breath,
As she lays behind me,
Clutching on to my waist,
Is a feeling that gets you intoxicated just thinking about it.
Gets you high without realizing it.
You do that once,
You can't not do it again.
Because then you'll constantly feel alone.
In the dark.
Always thinking back to a time,
When she was lain behind you,
And when she held you close,
So close that you almost morph into one.
So now as I lay here,
Clutching onto a pillow that smells of her,
I keep hoping that this pillow,
Will turn into her,
So that I don't have to sleep alone tonight.

she was lain on my bed,
fully clothed,
and **** at the same time.
**** because I've seen her,
the true her.
**** because her smile was natural,
not forced.
her laugh was intoxicating,
her voice was addicting.
the simple touch of her hand,
brought fire among my skin.
I've seen her,
and never have I ever,
seen someone as beautiful as she.
she was lain on my bed,
and now it smells like her.
so now as I lay me down to sleep,
I hug my pillows and covers to me.

Joshua, I'm gonna live my life. I'm gonna save and make a life for myself. I'm gonna travel to Canada and maybe down south and find a man with a accent that makes me smile every time he calls me beautiful. I'm gonna make mistakes and I'm gonna learn to forgive myself for them. I'm gonna accept that I will always love you. But more than that I will accept that you will​ never love me back. I will accept the heartbreak and the pain because it's in the past now. And yes I will cry myself to sleep sometimes and I know I'll be lonely sometimes but I will learn to love myself. I will learn to smile more. I will learn to trust again. I want to be happy. I want to live my life even on the days I say I want to die. I will accept what does or does not happen and I will be happy with whatever life gives me. I'm always going to forgive but I will never forget. I hope you're happy. I hope you get to smile every day for the rest of your life. I hope you find a love as strong as the one I feel for you. I hope you get everything you want from life. I hope one day you see just how amazing you are even if you're not always perfect you were perfect to me. And you'll be perfect for the girl you end up with. Live your life the way you want Joshua. Never let anyone or anything hold you back from what you want. I've done that for too long and I won't anymore. Thank you. Thank you for being my first kiss. My first love. My first lover. My friend. Thank you for showing me true happiness even if it showed me true pain too. Thank you for being you, crazy, amazing you. Maybe in another life you could have chosen me. Maybe. A girl can always dream.

his touch is boiling metal,
sweltering to delirium
that wherever his hands of red
take grazing, is swallowed
by the hell fire of his fingers

so once
he caught his lover
in his arms

so that the flames
frenzied upon all him
to hysteria
and incinerated
all
love
like wildfire.

Everything is better with you
Movies are more intresting
Music has meaning
And even my tears
Are just a little sweeter

With you,
Life feels good,
It feels like I'm living

I love you
Maybe I always have
Or maybe I just
Keep falling in love with you
Over and over again

Either way it is the most
Painfully beautiful feeling.

Have any of you figured out how to stop yourself from loving deeply?

I feel it everyday in my bones
And I can't force myself to stop
Loving him is so natural for me.

Have you figured out how to stop crying over a broken heart?

I still feel the aching of his absence and it is unbearable.

Have you figured out how to live without love?

I still can't stop myself to racing to his call. He is the light of my life even if he's a pessimist. He's my pessimist. Except he's not my anything.

Have you figured it out yet?

I feel so trapped,
Trapped by circumstance
Trapped my my own heart,
My own fears.
My own desires.
Trapped by my life
But life is suppose to be free

I don't feel free

I feel trapped by judgement.
And the opinions of others

Trapped by a future I've lived out
In my head a million times

Trapped by the idea I may not have that future

I just need you to help set me free

Set me free and show me,
Show me what it's like to fly
Show me what it feels like to be loved.

That girl who everyone loves

Who somehow is friends with everyone

Who everyone calls beautiful and gorgeous

Even when she styles her hair weird

That girl who has dated more guys than hours in the day

And then miraculously finds her one

I don't envy her please do not believe that

It's simply her existence and everyone's complete and utter fascination with her that baffles me

That girl creates a small vortex of hatred in my soul

And I hate her for it

Because she doesn't even realize

Because I don't like to take the time and effort it takes to hate

Because my whole life I've been all about love and it's as though without her knowledge she has tainted me.

It's just that girl...