pain is just a push towards what you are meant to be

when your darkness comes to you, embrace it and you will feel everything the world has been withholding from you

I don't think that I could taste another's lips
without comparing them to yours
Inhale their breath into my lungs
Breathe their scent in through my pores

I don't think that I could touch their skin
Or run my fingers through their hair
Can't get lost within their gaze
With your presence always there

And I can still hear your voice
Fingers still feel your skin within their tips
You dared say you loved me
with his spit smeared on your lips

How could you say I was the only one
After everything you've done
I'm surprised the words rolled out
while his taste held down your tongue

In truth, my love for you is more like gunpowder
Than mere candle light
Thus I had to light them one by one
And so distantly

I kept them between metaphors
and more subtle words of my burning desires
So that you’d never be hurt by its fury

I held so much loss in my hands
That I could see it everywhere
That I could never be surprised
By its appearance

After every expected parting
I moved on without much of a scar
As I was callous with all of my faults
And you’d never have to mourn for a full heart
Never have to mourn for a heart that’s
Never gained, never lost

But, you softened me,
Cut me open with shards of your soul
And I fell in love with the pain
With your sorrow

Yours was the light of life I could never lose
Once held inside of me, I would never again
Bear the darkness

How I wish I could wake and walk beside you
How I wish to read to you in my voice and not my words
How I wish to be close to you not in inference from silence
But in laughter and teary smiles
To walk the streets of Toronto,
To Paris, to Florence, to Barcelona
See every Van Gogh, Rodin, Gaudi,
And even Otto Dix and Ghiberti
To hear old tales of the tenements
And relive ancient dreams through the operas in New York City
We could even go to places less worldly
To see ghost in the streets of York
And greet sir Newton’s spirit in Westminster Abbey  
And there’s a bookstore in Venice I had always wanted you to see



Yet,
I dare not even wish for a kiss
For
I did not want you to see me
In the light of real life
And extinguish the fire that kept me sane
Kept me alive

I could not bare to lose you completely
So I let my words be there for thee
But I see you have found words better
Than any born within me
And so I thought of taking my leave
For though few would love you as fiercely
All will love you better and calmly

How I wish I could love and hold you freely
Tightly and fearlessly
Yet, I know I am not ready
A child so unkempt and messy
So fueled with readily jealousy
I am trying so hard at bettering
But I could not change so timely
I had to be certain when I held your hand
I would not hold it too tight or too loosely
I could never endure darkness without thee
Yet I cannot hold your fire momently
I know that you would never in a million years
Wait for such an unlovable me
Yet, I would hold my soul for you eternally
Making it more and more cozy
So that your fire could reside within
More comfortably
Even if you’re never burning for me

I have loved you
Longer than I expected

Harder
Than I wanted

And more beautifully
Than I could imagine

breathing the turquoise like lavender,
and sipping the blue summer.
bitter cold clouds glide and morph lava lather,
floating whispers cut by sweet pineapple sunshine.

soon, a moment, now
rhythms ripple the sky like skipping stones
we jump the music like puddles
splashing in the frequencies.

cobalt bass rumbles the earth hungry,
pumps the air with springing spirals
pushing and pulling the senses,
reverberating through cells.

heavy mud humming, stomping
echoes through our atoms dizzy;
balancing tuned body to innate electricity
the fizz of circulating lemonade energy.

we jump the music like puddles
splashing in the frequencies.

strawberry melodies spilling ribbons,
dolphin leaps of the spaces inbetween beats,
lines of colours overlapping,
colliding, mixing, merging, blending
in with the forest.

washing over souls the life fire sparkles
like a clear water cleansing harmonies,
sound waves crashing against inertia.
phosphorescent glow of re-charged love
for the world, for being, animation

flowing through burnt smoky ashes
of sapphire charcoal skies;
dimmed radiation of chlorophyll emerald days.
the smell of salt, dry bark, fluffy carbon mists,
trembling lights softening the eyes'
grip on outlines, loosening lies.

watching the cycles of patterns
tumbling colours through a mill rotating,
and the silence of listening
when the music comes to an end.

I keep finding flaws
In my natural reflection
And keep searching for beauty
In my unnatural reflection
then sit and wonder
Why am I bereft
of any sort of happiness