I have been waiting to tell you this for years
but every time my lips began to part all that was left on my tongue were the ghosts of words that were once there
my throat starts closing and it feels like i have just swallowed a million shards of glass
so i don't say it
i want to say it
but the glass is multiplying and i can't
i can't tell you
i already know it won't work out
we've tried after all and we were always on different planets
thousands of light years away
it is 7 p.m. and i am thinking about you as much as i do when i can't sleep at 4 a.m and
now that we are on the same planet
i've found the words that were lost for so long
and they sound **** close to I Love You

cookie tins and tea
your faded grade school drawings
and her chipped birdbath

Wood floors underneath
my ****** and dragging feet.
Maybe you should leave.

Flecks of gold stardust
got caught in my weary eyes
and awakened me.

Hands almost touching,
I'm out of my **** mind, right?
How could we do this?

Blackberry kisses
form on my cheek like bruises,
but won't fade away.

if it were up to me
i would show up at your house
dressed as the love of your life.
i would drag you from your bed
rip your heart from your chest
and leave your lifeless body at the door
for your mother to find.

i would tear every good feeling
straight out of your stomach
and replace them with memories
of all the things that made you love me.

i would burn the remaining pieces
and scatter the ashes
along beaches we planned to get married
and cities we were supposed to live.

i would leave your mind
hollow and unattended
and force you to feel me forgetting you,

sort of like what you did to me.

sometimes i want my skin to crawl -
i want to sit my bones in muck and sink
until my nostrils are just above the level
where i can no longer breathe

i want to purge myself of every great loss,
that's ever been or will come to be

i want to exist in every moment that i live,
to feel every emotion with an earnest heart,
to see every sight with wide eyes and an
open mind ready to learn, unlearn, relearn

i want to evolve, though the process
will be painful and neverending - i want to grow

My mother lost her oldest brother to
a car accident
that didn't mix well with liquor
and on the way to his funeral, she ran
two red lights.