Reaching out for something more
Before my mind shuts this door

Until my soul lingers for more
I’ll keep the faith that fills every pore

Why can’t I take this frame
And bend it back again

Will I be lost in this game
Unable to see through the shame

Shadows cast over the light
Which barely braved the darkened night

My question is, how long will you fight
When there’s only this horrid image in your line of site

Am I capable of something more
I’ve never succeeded when keeping score
The sense of loss becomes a chore

When the life you’ve longed for is no more

I wrote a poem, and I set is aside
But the words leapt off the page as if they were on fire

I wanted it to be the beginning of the end
Of a land where I grow restless, longing to hit SEND

Should there ever be that one final piece
Which claims the conclusion to this beast?

Would there ever be that final scrawl across the page
That left me so satisfied, I never again felt the rage

Perhaps I should look longer
For the keys to success couldn’t be farther

When you cast a wide net, you hope for a bigger catch
You work diligently, hoping for that match

And at long last, when you’ve made the journey for the solution
All you are left with is zero absolution

Don't worry about me, I'll be fine
I'll figure it all out in due time

I'll hide my pain behind my smile
Even if I have to struggle for a while

Am I a misguided fool
Hell bent on breaking every rule?

Do you see me as I am?
The one trying to take a stand

Trying steadily in vain
To circumvent all of the pain

If you were to ask me if it's all been worth it
I would shrug it off because it's not over yet

It's amazing how what is stored in your brain
Fills you with so much shame

Can you find a way out of this game
Or will you forever be bogged down by pain

Each day when I wake
I steady myself to challenge my fate

I've never asked for perfection
I only sought an end to the deception

Does the game ever end?
Because I'm drowning in the shallows

If I close my eyes and try to find an answer to these riddles
I lose all hope I once had, however little

I'm a doormat, a punching bag, a waste of time, a failure
Every day it's something new and I can't find my savior

If I take one wrong step, I'm afraid I'll fall apart
I can't stand many more jabs straight to my heart

What I allowed to continue, beat me down to nothing
I didn't choose you to be my family, but I can choose something

I've chosen for you to exit my life
There will be no returning

You've burned your last bridge and this fire will burn forever
Just remember we had a lifetime to spend together

She's up there watching you and she knows what you've done
Believe me when I say, she's not the only one

You're a waste of my time and a drain on my energy
I have none to spare and I will show no mercy

So, I'll say goodbye to you for the very last time

Funny, as I write this, not a single tear escapes from my eyes

You don’t like to stand so close to me
You don’t want to see things the way I see
You’re afraid you’ll become just like what I’ll be

Ask yourself what it is you want to be
If you had a choice you would never be me
Your fear guides you too far away to see
You pretend you’ve got some other place to be

Do you know what hurts the most?
You don’t even know what I struggle with lately
You can’t be bothered with learning about how I feel

Are our lives so far apart?
Maybe you’ve got a broken heart
Perhaps you’ve watched it all fall apart
And when it does, where do you turn?

What if you had a friend like me?
Strong enough to conquer those fears daily
What if I could show you how to be strong
Or that surrounding me with stigma is wrong?

What if you felt it all for just one day?
Maybe you would have a lot more to say
If you could look through the eyes of mental illness
Would you really find so much of a difference?

I bet you’ve had good days and bad days
I bet you’ve felt lost and out of place
I think you’re scared of the way you feel
So you blame it on something that’s not even real

Stop for a second and take a look
Ask me a question, maybe share a look

Be nice to everyone you meet
You never know what pain they’ve beat
You don’t have to look sick to be sick
You don’t have to look ignorant to be ignorant

If you try it, you could gain something you’ve always longed for
If you carry your shield of stigma forever
What confusion you’ll endure

Maybe you don’t want to know me
What about him?
Standing there looking scared
Or her, with her nose in a book
So nobody truly sees her

There are many faces of pain and sorrow
And there are many faces of stigma
You don’t have to struggle with either

If you reach out and find the wrong person,
will you blame it on the disease? Probably.
But you’ll have learned
So that the next time you meet someone like me
Standing in a crowd, terrified of the judgement
and the stares, you’ll know to go slow.

Trust isn’t easy to give or receive

When you find an ally in a face in a crowd,
Couldn’t that be your proudest moment of all?

When the anger begins to set in, I feel as if the weight of the world rests
on my shoulders.

It burns me with the fire of a thousand suns
I have to lash out

Were you there, standing behind me? Hoping for the best...expecting the worst?
You’ve been gone so long, I can scarcely remember the details of your face

In a time when acceptance was the only thing that could put out the fire,
all you had was more fuel for the flame.

One day I’ll forget but now that you’ve shown your true colors
Your bright, hypocritical colors
I don’t find it necessary to forgive

I was there every time you were lost and unsure of yourself
A helping hand when those closest to you had let go
Yet you walked out on me when I was too scared to find my own way

Hating you keeps me going
The horrible things you said are a constant reminder
I’ll never stop what I’m doing to be better

There are things you’ve accomplished that I never will
Only because I’ve never wanted to

Blessings in disguise come at strange times
And the light of the truth often shines when you least expect it