Where is my mind
I can feel it spinning
I'm falling behind
In a race
I'm not
winning
Inside, I'm collapsing
I'm crossing the line
I need to find
My mind
It's circling
I'm wishing to get
Some consolation
A way out of this trip
No open doors
I'm hoping
You'll see that part of me
And you'll love me
Despite
My madness, my fight
My constant flight

You don't deserve any of this.

You don't deserve the smiles I try to hide back whenever people merely mention your name.

You don't deserve me happily listening to love songs and absent-mindedly dedicating them for you.

You don't deserve my feelings when I'm high off my mind, looking back down from the clouds, wishing for nothing but your presence silhouetting mine.

You don't deserve my drunken texts when I feel like I'm wasting my youth away; it's ironic how even though I can't form coherent sentences and I barely remember my own name, you still ****** my thoughts and lurk behind the shadows of my mind, like a spell I've been wanting to cast myself free from since the day I first met you.

You don't deserve my midnight blues when I drown myself in sad songs and relentless thoughts of you, along with endless voices screaming and questioning why I'll never be good enough to be called yours.  

Above all, you don't deserve me.

*(So why do I always find myself crashing back to you?)

your spirit dances with hidden song
free to roam

a child innocent in beauties fold
held close

to the forging of poems
out the unseen

your spirit dances
your song complete.

My music is here
Oh my rain song
You have arrived with
Your dripping outside my window
I pause my playlist
Because your sound is just too great
It is much more powerful than any melody
Oh, rain song
You are my sanity
You are the perfect music of my heart
The windy breeze
The leaves dancing in the trees
The dripping of the rain
Singing me to sleep...

Oh, my music is here
With your thunderous beating
With your quiet undertone
Dripping
Banging
Oh, I do hear you
Music of nature
Music of this mysterious night
Mistifying me
Singing her thunderous, meandering lullaby...

All night I have searched for a song
Humming along
But now...
Oh yes, I bow down to your glorious sound
I give you a clap of praise
Like the sound of thunder pounding on the air
Being heard...

Oh, yes, my music has arrived
My music is finally here.

Escape,
Into the peace;
Calmness,
I wish I had.

Lost control,
My mind betrays me,
Wonders off sore;
Sharp blades,
They approach me.

Though I do not want,
What I have lost;
The absence of pain;
I want to feel.

The kiss of a blade,
One that can heal,
So the pain,
*Shall fade.