I just feel so fluid,
maybe I'm breathing through a dream.
I feel everything but stupid,
can you feel just what I mean.
I am muscle, I am bone.
And I'm standing here alone.
But there's no where I want to go,
this is a feeling I rarely know.
This experience I can't describe.
I am just enjoying being.
I feel no shame to hide,
at least none that I am seeing.
Is this the knowledge of rebirth,
or a break given by the Earth.
I do no hunger, I feel no thirst.
Maybe it's been quenched by my lack of yearn.
My conscience feels so empty,
and yet I'm still satisfied.
And in now I know that you won't forget me,
Just because in now I am alive.

Shattered alone,
feels like I'm down on my own.
You took my pieces with you, and gave me a microphone.
Now I record my thoughts,
in rhymes and rhythms hot.
Where I can use my stress,
and the energy you gave me,
to contrast my success.
And highlight my failings.
Though I see the more in life,
all that you've brought.
Brought me past the blood and pass the knife, a freedom you've bought.
And now I am fully yours.
As the only one who's paid the price.
And now forever I can endure
with you who's love is beyond my sight

On a deadline and I'm stressed again,
put out in space and running out of oxygen.
Work is good but work can smother,
and bury you in numbness like no other.
Can't wait til I'm done but will I make it?
Receiving pain for pleasure, but can I take it?
My head might not be in it, but till it is I fake it.
Halfway there, not even close.
But I still got time and the ways to go.
Hoping this work don't rob me my soul.
Much rather be doing something else but I'm striving toward the goal.
Will I get done, how long till I finish?
And how much of my life will I have to diminish.
It's worth the work probably.
Keep going, no apologies.
Just shaking off all of these,
Doubts popping up all inside of me

Yes I am upset,
how could I not.
You say you can see the pain, but right now it's all that I've got.
If there's a cure for this sickness of anger in me,
it's either a secret right here or found only if I leave.
And don't act like something new hasn't turned hot every chance I get to breathe.
I am not stupid, but all I can say for you is assuming hopefully.
If I was done with this by choice I wouldn't be dealing with this now.
And every time I re-explain it's all, "Oh jeez, wow".
Maybe all I need is a hug instead of someone to understand.
If God doesn't put on our plate anything we cannot take
then, ****, I must be some one helluva man.
If I were done with this **** there wouldn't have been this toilet I've clogged.
And if people heard me more often and all the poems I've blogged
maybe this has all been a pointless idea, something just stupid.
But I guess it'd be okay if it was cause by now I'm used to it.
I have done this for me and not nobody else,
the only one who I know for certain gets this is myself.
I have a way with words and
just like food some people scrap to get it in the streets without love.
it points right back at me.
Though if it goes somewhere else it's a point I don't see.
And that'd be because I'm blinded by my own loneliness,
yes I can own up to that, a closed book, masked with phoniness.
And I know I'm not the only one, and right now's to work on myself,
I've longed learned the lesson not to fix on somebody else.
Foolishness it is, and a fool I've been,
and stereotyped that is to be a defined American.
Bigotry's not in my nature, I try to be understanding.
Cause I've always been somewhere similar,
 and my empathy's pretty demanding.
So it's easy to feel your **** and how you can bleed
whenever you're considered "friend in need".
Again I digress cause I'm thinking so tiredly,
sleep is my slave master and at the same time a courtesy.
Something we need and something we never get enough of,
just like the food some have scrapped for in the streets with no love.

I don't know why I feel this way,
when things should all just feel okay.
Maybe it's my battles with mistrust,
or my constant fight with my own lust.
All these problems I just can't ignore.
My mind's not large enough for them to be stored.
Alone I feel I have to work this out,
nobody here to save me from my own doubt,
again.
I feel so alone again.
I feel as if I have no friend,
where are they now?
I've come to my end again,
this whole time have I been playing pretend, with myself.
And all of you, I think about you all the time,
But when I'm lost and icy you escape my mind.
When the color fades to black and white.
I don't hear any voice from the outside,
nobody with me on such lonely nights,
please take the wrong away from all the right,.
Tears only come out in the dark,
and they're coming straight from my own heart,
They were probably there all from the start,
just hidden away to never show part, of me, again.
I've lost touch with my friends,
at least that's how it feels again,
and I know this ain't the end.
But it smothers me again.
And to all my friend's faces, I miss you.
It's not that I try to forget you,
but it seems that no one want to be around someone so blue.
Though that's never the way I think about all of you,
me and the rest of the world so differently choose, again.
The doubt eats at me again,
attempts to consume me at no end.
And I cannot just pretend I don't miss you.
Bring me back to life, away from this.
To escape from my seemingly perpetual abyss.
I was happy, what had happened.
My mood has changed and all turned saddened.
Probably a lack of human interaction,
Loneliness just don't go well with my satisfaction.
Cause what's the point of walking life if it's a path traveled alone,
yet all the time I know this Earth will never be my home.
Maybe I'm always acting in the shadows of something else,
deep in my mind, afraid to show myself.
If there's nothing else, I'd like to say,
once again I feel like such a cast away.
Left in my own mind, such a vastly place.
And like any room it's much more comfortable to share it,
problem is, it's apparently difficult to comprehend it.
And when you say I'm deep, I'm probably tired of shallow.
And nobody else will, so you're welcome to follow.
I can't be the only one with this design of mind,
and yet I hear of everyone being unique so much of the time.
Yet so much of the response I see is so much the same,
but who am I to be the one to put on a blame.

Standing outside just to breathe fresh air,
maybe I'm pretty dull for enjoying the feeling of standing there.
But there's just so much to take in, so much see,
so much to hear and feel and experience "here to be".
And yet there's something else here,
something I can't comprehend.
It's a comfort that for as long as I can stand here I cannot understand.
But's it's not a feeling of pure madness,
I know that feeling is long gone.
It's a pleasant aroma, a strengthening touch, and a beautiful song.
I don't know if others feel or felt this,
but I surely hope some have.
It's a feeling better than smiling the widest smile,
or the most jolly filled laugh.
Now I know why I live here,
it's this feeling that I must share,
the feeling that can summon so much joy from only standing there

Done with the dark I step into this light,
it's been so long it's more than enough to excite.
It's a vision made up of light of the sun,
and the exciting part is that it's only begun.
This is a gift given to me
I know I don't deserve it
And the pride I've layed down is not even close to worth it
And this is just perfect,
though it's far from what I am,
That's why I'm glad that none of this is my plan.
And it's predetermined that I'm going to be the best of who I am.
Nothing's gonna stop me, not even if I'm outnumbered by the grains in the sand.
Just try me now,
you'll never know how.
Even if you land a punch it's still you to get knocked out.
Though the fight's not mine it's already been won.
And like I said before it is only begun