for Tascha

deep in the pond of unhappy, swimming,
drowning the next contemporaneous
depression thought quickly swallowed,
desperation in quick glances everywhere,
dawn is no consolation but just another
daily drawing tighter of twine cutting
disillusionment


dear god, commences every thought,
delayed answers have yet to arrive,
**** the deity's non-responsivness,
dare not say out loud lest,
deserved fates be worse, be realized,
didn't know? how can that be?
disguiser par excellent, I am the original
deceiver

But I never think about

death or dying, for that would be
defeat finale, a statute to, a status of none, a
destiny some wick spark, still insists can be
deferred

differed always,
diffidently, but grasping yet at the
double entendre that is my
dark vision of a future already past

May 2015

It took sixteen years to become acquainted with my old self.

The self that:

Could not write on crumpled papers,
Or sleep in untucked sheets,
Played her scales robotically,
Left no word incomplete.
Labelled all the cupboards,
Books were organized by name,
This was the life I led.
I never knew that it would change.

it took 4 weeks to fall in love with my new self

the
self
tha
t

writes on ollld receipts,
   kicks the covers        off the bed
     ~lets my fingers play freely~
         not every sentence has an en-
            stores shoes with coffee mugs!!
               writes in mArGiNs to save time
                  not all rules need to be   f o l l o w e d
                    not all poems need to

                        sound the same

who knew that little pill
would teach me how to live
not erase the 'me' that showed
but bring out the 'me' that hid
16 years of worry
of obsessive, anxious thoughts
who knew that little pill
would change me
I,
for one,
did not
.

- p. winter

I lost the pen that writes,
The thoughts I can't speak upon;
The punctuations that told me when
To go or continue or stop
tHe SaNiTy Of ThE wOrdS i CoNjUrE
aND mAYBE aLSO tHE sENSE i oUGHT tO tELL yOU
***** LaUnDrY
mESSED uP fEELINGS
sWiMmInG bIrDs
fLyInG fIsHeS
uNSPOKEN nOISE
mIcRoWaVe
*MaYbE i JuSt LoSt mY wILL tO uNDERSTAND

If your soul is aching and you need a friend
Call on Jesus
Call on Jesus

If you're down and troubled, need a helping hand
Call on Jesus
Call on Jesus

He'll take care of you
He'll be there for you
He'll lead you all the way
out of the darkest day
Call on Jesus
Call on Jesus