i crave naivety.
i wish i was as oblivious as the others

i don't want to know how it feels
to crave the end.
but i do.
that's my secret-
part of me died that day,
but the rest of me lived.

the creaking of pews in a church.
a quiet place,
perfect for the creeping
of those age old memories
into my mind.

creaking, creeping,
never
ending

when i finally thought i was strong
my body stiffened at a touch
shortness of breath
fluttering heartbeat
eyes   w  i  d  e
p a n i c.

and then?
a kiss on the back of my head
and i realized
in those arms, i was safe.

I see jet streams in the sky and
I'm reminded of what we could have been

All I wanted to do
was **** myself.

so I drowned myself
in you.