I have tried and tried and tried.
And I seriously can’t anymore.
I’m not going to try to fix it.
I stepped it up every f*cking day.
I’m so exhausted
He’s not the same guy and it’s killing me.
I want to leave so bad
But I don’t
I just want him to care again
I just want to hear that he honestly wants me in his life
but he can’t do that
Because he doesn’t want me
I am always part of his problems
And I’m so done
It’s going to take him losing me to figure out that I’m not part of the problem.
I’m done
I’m tired
I want to go home
I used to think home was with him but I don’t know anymore.

I love you.
I just need you to hold me tight.
I know you can’t feel right now,
and I know that when you don’t feel,
you don’t care.
Sweetheart I’m just going to need you to stay right here with me.
I’m just sitting here watching you burn
Like a wildfire on a mountain
I can’t do anything about it
Except watch you turn to ashes.
I don’t want to stay
and watch your head burn up.
Baby please just hold me tight.
Tell me it’s all going to be alright.
You’re burning up
You’re pushing me away
You’re going to leave me
Don’t leave me
Please don’t leave.
I miss you.

Hi there.
Sometimes it hurts to think.
I'm driving around in my hometown
I saw this old park that me and my friends would run and laugh and play at all the time.
We played cops and robbers
Lava Monster
Freeze tag
We acted like knights in strong armor and princesses with glittery dresses and we all slayed the dragons
Well now here I am staring at this old swing set that no one swings on anymore.
I used to think that I could touch the clouds with my feet if I swung high enough.
There is something so lively about a group of kids laughing and playing on a playground.
There is something so eerie about an old empty playground where no one goes.
That playground used to be so alive.
Now the swing creaks as it sways in the slight breeze.
You can almost hear faint whispers of the kids laughing from years before.
Now all those kids are adults with lives and responsibilities that are much more important than slaying a dragon.
The wood has splinters that get stuck in your fingers.
It is not shiny and fun anymore.
It used to be new
But I have found that everything changes eventually.
I wish people didn't leave so unexpectedly.
Anyways I am just rambling
but next time you see a playground
just try to look away.
it hurts to think too long
Bye.

A little white fluff on a green stem.
The green stem blends with the surrounding grass.
When I wanted my dreams to come true my eight year old breath would blow the white fluff.
The sun would make the flurries sparkle and dance in the summer breeze.
It truly was magical.
I believed in fairies and wizards.
I remember the day my uncle got upset because I blew magic all over his perfectly green lawn.
My uncle informed me that apparently the fluff was a ****
not magic at all.
There is an innocence to not knowing.
The part of me that believed in magic and princesses disappeared.
I guess people have two choices in life
They can see a ****
Or they can see
magic.

I am obsessed with becoming a woman who is comfortable in her own skin, I don't want to hate myself anymore
I will keep drinking zero calorie sparkling water and doing sit ups until my stomach aches and smiling through the painful runs
because **** it
its going to be worth it
I don't need the dinner roll
I don't need the candy
I just need to be proud of my body.
I am on a journey to being healthy, and it may be a little bit twisted but it will end good, I just know it.