Second day with out you;
I made sure
I got myself incoherent.
I am now experiencing
my first real hangover
as i deal with
day three.

I thought maybe if
I let you go
a burden would be lifted
off my shoulders.
Not that you were the weight,
rather that I knew
what was coming and
the thought of leaving it to
the last minute
was eating me alive.
I had to weigh my options
and decided;
if I left it until the day
I am to leave this island,
it would hurt more
with no opportunity to see you again-
to maintain friendship,
to cope with our loss.
If I waited,
I might have changed my mind
and stayed.
What a mess that
would have been.
I wont let anything
keep me here.
Not even the people I love.

After we spoke and
I told you we were done,
I ran to my mistress.
She's a beauty dressed in blue
who makes my stomach ache.
Her name is Skyy and
she helps me to beat myself up.
You see, I'm a
slight *******.
I'm working on that..
I hate *****.

I said I didn't think
I would even miss you.
But it's been less then
twenty-four hours and
I have a hole in my stomach.
I try to eat and it just
wants to come back up.
They say wounds heal in time.
I leave in 82 days for
another time zone.
Maybe the hour difference
will effect the time and
healing process.
Until then we'll see how this goes.
Maybe this will help me
shed those extra pounds
I was so worried
you'd notice.

Stop dragging me around,
I don't want to go down with you.

Leave me alone.
I'm done with you and your selfish ways.

You're stuck here,
whereas
I'm trying to fly.

I told you I was leaving and
you brushed me off like
I'm going to be here forever.
I'm going to break your heart and
you know it.
Stop avoiding it.
Stop bringing people around
so we cant be alone.
I need to do this.

To write, to write.
Even to write this, tragedy
finds the difficulty to be impossible,
unending.
The crunching sound of its bones with
no cartilage is
at such an eerie, unnerving volume.
The shrill nervous laughter
encased in dry shallow sobbing is
crippling.
To mutter the words that may carry
sounds of joy are nearly inaudible.
Conversation with a "friend" is a forked road;
One to speak and tragedy will hear.
A lover of the mind, a scholar of the scar tissue
or a prophet of misfortunes grasp
is the only reality for this
dear tragedy.
To sleep or rest these worn out eyes that
cannot escape the horror never ceasing to follow them,
would be a euphoric sense of helping oneself...
Now to make the sleep last
an eternity or more.

I'm like the tip of your cigarette,
red hot.
I'm your addiction
you cant get enough.
You have a bad habit
of smoking
to the filter.
Giving the cherry
no room to breathe.
You want more
so you use the dying ember
to light me up in any way.
I'm being used
over and over,
until your whole pack is gone.
And you're left with hot filter.
You try for one last drag
on your cancer encrusted lips
that you loved me with so much.
And in the end, I burn you
and **** you.

It takes a lot of courage to forgive someone
for breaking your heart.
But, to pretend everything's fine,
when you know it's not,
is cowardice.
Don't be afraid.
People heal after being broken.
It may take time,
but the cracks will reconnect.
If you know it's wrong, but
you're both lying to yourselves,
it will hurt even more
when you crash.
Because that's whats going to happen.
A terrible, tragic collision.
No survivors.
And you had plenty of time to avoid it.
You saw it coming.

Last night I drove for an hour,
to tell you I'm leaving..
I intended to end us,
but you were so sad.
I didn't do it.

Our relationship is unhealthy
and I don't want to be in it.
I want to leave you,
but you were so sad.
So I'll wait.

I wanted to tell you
we should break up now,
to avoid slow torture
for the next 3 months
til I leave.

I'm going halfway across the country.
And you're stuck here.
And you're content with where you are.
I don't want you to come with me.
Stay in your ****** life,
I don't want a part of it.

I hate that I love you so much.
I hate that you love me even more.
I don't want anything to do with you,
but I cant escape you.

At the mere brush of your hand
I am electrified
I never want the goosebumps to fade.
But it's time to turn us off.
I'm so sorry for letting you love me.
******* for making me love you.

Do something to make this easier.
Hit me, curse me out, cheat and get caught.
Accept that I'm leaving and understand
it's not going to work out.
I wish I hated you.
I wish I could make you hate me.
It's never easy I suppose.

I don't even think I'll miss you..
So why is this so ******* hard?

To do something for myself
I have to hurt my heart,
and yours.
Please forgive me,
for running away.
I don't want to
do this.
I don't want to
lose what we have.
I don't want to
ruin us.
I'm sick,
and getting worse.
I'm addicted to this place
and you.
I need to leave everything behind
to heal.
To find myself,
I need to lose you.