The most ironic thing is you said you didn’t want to hurt me
And maybe in your eyes you didn’t but there’s a hole in the wall and my knuckles are bruised
It’s ironic because a month ago you asked who made me stop believing in love
And now the answer is you
Because you told me that you liked me and six days later you took it back
You spun me beautiful webs of what the future could look like
But then you lit the thread on fire and watched me burn up with it
Still holding my heart out to you like it was a ******* peace offering
I dont believe in love because the way you look at her breaks my heart
I know how much you miss her and I know how much you need her and I know she isn’t yours
And it’s not even jealousy I feel it’s just sadness because you deserve much better than hanging by your fingertips on every word she says
Waiting for the hint that she loves you
But darling
She will never need you like that
You don’t deserve to sit on the steps with your broken heart in your hands waiting for someone who will never come home to you
And I’m learning
Slowly but surely
That I don’t deserve that either.

When she walks into your kitchen crying,
put down your half scrubbed ***,
turn off the faucet,
wipe the water off of your hands with a white dish towel.
Like her eyes are trying to dry themselves on her pale cheeks.

You wrap your arms around her
and let her cry into your hair.
You feel like a mother
comforting a child who has just lost their favorite stuffed toy.


Her grandfather just passed away,
and this is the first time she has left her house since that night.
The night she couldn't drive fast enough to say goodbye.

You don't wipe the tear from her jaw line.

You're afraid your water wrinkled fingers
will remind her
of him.

At the end of a long day
and night soaked in tears
its always you
that I find
myself searching for
hoping to see you
at the bottom of
my drink or
lighting up my phone

Nobody can ever match up
or stand up
to you
even though you have
not taught me what love looks like
instead what love feels like
that is,
you do not show me love or
hold it in the palm of your hand
I feel it when I sit across from you
and laugh

Here we lie, tangled in
Each other, yet apart

My eyes focus, I track across
Your face, this room, these clothes
So known and yet as blurred
As the graphics on your shirt

I count your eyelashes
As though they are rosary beads,
And try to find you hidden
In their shells

I see you, but don't know you.
Bittersweet memories
Crash and break around me;
I lose you in their depths

Two pairs of lips in a blind dance
I barely follow.
Disgust and want fight over me,
Love lost in waves of apathy

Hormonal needs are met by hands
Ill-conceived kisses greet them-
Breath is caught too quickly
And my desperate searching fails.

Your mask grimaces. You smile,
I’m blank, and pale and still.
My mind and soul are smothered
By dark polluted thoughts

And when it's over, it's not finished;
You study my face for clues
While I trace the etchings of my skin
And yearn for clean release

It's not you, it's me.

It's not you, and it's not me either,
This room is not your room.
I drift, unanchored, unresponsive
Too tired to understand

So I silently indulge
You in complicity
And although our bodies join
We both miss our connection

My mind has turned the one I love
Into a stranger.

i am surrounded by warm bodies,
but i crave a loving touch.
the world is fast pacing
but i feel like i am stuck.

my stomach isn't doing well, and neither is my brain
                my heart just got up from a  grave, and oh look- it's falling again.