"I have to unlove you a little," the girl said as she put her pen down.
He replied: why would you ever?
"I have to save my love for you; I have to save it for future days."
He frowned. "It sounds like you're saying goodbye. As if one day your feelings for me will disappear because of having loved me too much this very moment."
She shook her head. "I don't think I'll ever stop loving you though, if I give you just small amounts of it everyday. But you, would you still be the same, even if I cut down on the amount I usually give per day?"
He understood where she was going. "As long as you give me love, even down to the tiniest drop of it, I'll still love you all the same. And when you run out of it and can give no more, that's when I'll refill you with all the love you have filled me up with after all this time."
"One can never really run out of love, can they? Give or take. It's still love."
"Love is love-- give or take, small or big; doesn't matter as long as it exists-- if it's you I'm loving."

"I need to buy a smile today," she said. "For myself."

Another girl, perhaps younger than her, got in the public SUV and sat across her. She wore the uniform of the astronomy school which the first girl had always admired. The second girl pays her ride fare as she handed down a large bill. But the driver declined it and said that he would not be able to give her change if she gave it to him. In desperation, she asked the other passengers if they have any loose change for her bill, to which they all shook their heads in pity.

The first girl sensed the young one's embarrassment and a tinge of worry formed on the latter's forehead, as she would most likely have to get off the ride for being unable to pay. As expected, the younger girl asks the older one if she had any smaller change. The first girl replies, I'm sorry, I don't have any.

But just as the moon was still visible in that morning sky and she was watching over the exchange between the two girls, the first girl felt the moon's invisible pale light rush into her: this is the person whose smile I shall buy today.

She handed the second girl a few coins which summed up to the necessary amount. "It's just fifteen, isn't it?"

Wide-eyed and a small jawdrop, the second girl accepted the coins in disbelief and said, "Are you sure, ate? You're going to pay for me?"

"Take it and give it."

"How can I ever repay you, I-"

"With a smile. It's enough. And I get to smile in return too, so thank you," the first girl nodded at her with slightly raised cheeks and went back to reviewing her notes.

"Thank you again, I can't thank you enough," the second girl smiled and waved goodbye when it was her stop.

The first girl smiled in return, once again. "Buy a smile today-- check."

*This girl, with a young heart but an old, weary mind, needs a smile everyday to survive. She can get it through buying one or trading with friends. She was this desperate to get through with any day, with just one smile. The smiles so far she has collected are from certain authors, a few strangers she has helped out, a bunch of people whom she was close with, and a group of boys. This girl, and other people. She needs them and their smiles. She needs to smile to live.

Two beings of above--the sun and the moon, once loved each other a long time ago, only to lose each other and themselves through the expanse of time and space.
...
Now, there is a certain girl who fell in love with a certain boy, with the expanse of time and space between them. I love you, she says to the sky, in hopes of the wind bringing her words to him. I hope to see you again, soon.
...
And the boy, in his walking pace, randomly stops. Do boys wonder about their soulmates as much as girls do too? Because he certainly did. I would reach for your soul with my hand if I could, he said to no one in particular. Wait for me, again and again. I would reach you soon.
...
A breeze picks up and tucks a stray strand of the girl's hair behind her ear. She felt her palm grow warm, as if her hand was being held by another-- by his hand. She felt a tug in her, as if her soul was being tied to another-- to his soul. She closed her eyes and let the wind, her silent messenger, caress her face as she took a breath. *"I'll wait for you, and for us to rise again: against all dark odds and in this expanse of time and space."

I could have sworn
that my heart stopped
and my skies fell down,
the grounds swallowed the
trees and mountains in,

the stars disappeared to
thin air,
and the sun decided to
give up on life, too,

when you left
me.

i'm in a car with a beautiful boy,
and i keep telling him that i love him,
so it hurts.
he thinks it's platonic, thinks that i
couldn't turn the entire world
upside down just to show him
how wrong he is.
it's been a week, he says.
(i know this, and i know it hurts, so i
hold his hand except i don't,
not really,
because it all happens in my head)
i tell him, i know, i'm sorry.
and it feels like my hands are on fire
because all i want is to hold him;
i see the ashes leave traces everywhere:
on his face, on his hands, his arms,
his heart.
i blink and it's all gone.
i'm back in the car with the beautiful boy.
he reaches out and holds my hand
and my ribcage expands;
for once in my life,
this is something i cannot find a name for.

i burn myself down to cleanse my sins
i burn myself down to accept it
all's fair in love and war, and anyway,
it is not myself i love, but this war
is waged on my insides.

there's a sort of drowning here –
drowning in sadness, anger, regret,
drowning–in–whatever. i guess.

something like dante's inferno:
nine circles of hell, but this
is all me.
nine circles of all my failures,
one for each piece
of worthlessness possible.

there's nothing in here.
stop looking.

sometimes i find you at the bottom of wine bottles
sometimes i see you when i close my eyes
(even behind my eyelids you burn so brightly)

i'd say sorry but you wouldn't hear me
(do you ever?)
so i yell "what's the point?"
and you look at me
right
at me
and i don't need your pitying pity eyes
stop looking at me that way
i will never deserve that type of attention

someday we will stand at the ruins
and you will hold the charred remains in your hands
and you will tell me
"there is nothing in life that isn't
worth saving."

i wanted to hold you,
to touch you,
to make everything better;
to tell you i love you
over and over
like a broken record
if only you could allow me

'make everything better', i said.
if only i'd had realized -
you burn when you touch the sun.

Lorenzo

The name spills from my lips,
Like wine-
And stains my hands.

LoRENzo

A brand on my chest.
A tattoo on my neck-
Where his tongue traced constellations.

Lo-ren-zo

The name lingers in my blood
Like a narcotic
And in the air
Like ***.

I'm hooked.

Addicted.

Lorenzo.

Lorenzo.

Lorenzo.