I delete old thoughts that do not help self.
The thoughts I am not smart enough,
pretty enough,
or have nothing of worth to say.
The thoughts that I will not succeed.

I delete the negative energies from others words.
Negative energies that do not serve the highest good inside love.
energies that hamper my soul from being free.
or stifles my loving self.

I delete the past and move forward
knowing who I am
to reprogram my mind and open my heart.

StarBG © 2017

I, I will fly
beyond these dreams
that seem to never take flight.

I, I will fly
beyond the clouds,
beyond the blue sky,
above the horizon,
I become weightless
as I leave the boundaries
of the earth.

I, I will fly
like a caged bird set free
for the first time.

I, I will fly
like Superman,
I will be like a star
falling to earth
leaving behind
a trail of wishes.

I, I will fly
beyond the boundaries
of your emagination.

I, I will fly...*

*© By Amanda D Shelton

A piece of me
has gone missing
and I have to
go look for it

People perceive wounded and hurt only if it is something they can see
Vision fails them when you approach them with sickness of the mind
All I need is your love and understanding before I ensure it is the end of me
Exhausted from deviating myself from the path of self destruction
Oh that euphoric feeling! It just lingers around to consume me
I am my own victim I am told
But from where I stand, don’t you see that that’s what you made me to be?

I've always longed to be a poem that moved people.
I've always wanted to be an art piece constructed of rhymes and metaphors.
I've always wanted to be something beautiful, yet I thought I lost that when I lost you.
I didn't know that beauty lied within me
Whenever you looked my way, your eyes seemed to glisten, and I thought that was beauty  
I thought beauty was all the words you've ever told me.
I thought beauty was embedded into promises of forevers that were always reassured with always
I didn't know that beauty was found in my eyes whenever I looked your way
Or in the countless letters I've written to you
Or the words I promised to only you,  
I didn't know that beauty was my heart and how It gave and gave, only to be unappreciated
Do not mistake my confidence for arrogance, for even that, is a form of beauty.
I didn't realize I was beauty, until I wallowed in my broken
My pieces were also a form of beauty that I learned to appreciate and love, scars and all
And so I loved myself back to whole again,
And I saw beauty, in everything
Mostly myself
In the little cracks of my heart
In my mind

And I may owe all of that to you

I had to write this in case I die
And they go through my accounts, find my poems
I had to make sure they know that, despite what they read

I could never **** myself

I loved you all too much, I had too many plans
It's just that, I really wanted to sometimes, you know?
I saw too much reality in life
I saw all the endless ways I could die and it scared me

And I'm sorry Mom, that I never told you any of this
It's funny that, in your own way, you knew how this was going to play out
You were always afraid I'd be like Dad, never asking for help when I needed it the most
But I was going to, I swear
I was going to fix this, as soon as I went away to school
I just couldn't have you know this side of me
I loved you too much for that

And to the people who did know this side of me
I'm sorry too
For the moment when they first break the news that
"Rachel's dead"
And you think I really did **** myself and that you couldn't save me
The taste of relief bittersweet on your tongue when they tell you how it really happened

Just know that I wanted to make the world a better place
I never thought I was enough to do that, but I was trying
Every day, I got up and stuck a smile on my face
Even when I was hurting so badly that I wanted to **** myself
I WAS STILL TRYING

So please, all I ask is
Don't console yourself by thinking I'm in a better place
Every day, no matter how much it hurt, I chose life.

And so, on the off chance that I die tomorrow, or the next day or the next, I just had to get this out there.

My choice was always life.
It was always all of you.

With all my love and the final beatings of my heart,
Rachel