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I like you,
and I'm sorry,
but it's true;
so maybe we should jus forget about each other.
you wanna play around, and that's cool!
I ain't got a problem with a man who knows what he wants too.
I want to have fun but with you I feel like I could fall;
and that's the problem!
to have fun I shouldn't even like you at all!
It's way too complicated
it's way too hard
I've been down that road, and I can't do it again.
Not with you,
one more person I could lose.
and all because I can't control my heart,
all because when I looked at you
I knew, I just knew.
being away from you *****!
I feel like I need distractions to keep myself from talking to you.
maybe it's a cute guy who shows me interest
and we talk;
or maybe it's a guy with a girl and I can't help but make him go for a shot.
I mean who am I to convince him to come after me?
Just another ****.
Just another tease.
But lemme jus tell you, that it's all because I am tryna keep myself away from you.
From your smile
From your lips
From the way you touch my hips
God!
Do you have any idea what you do to me?
No.
I really don't think that you do.
I can't control how I feel, even though I'm trying.
It's almost like I'm tryna keep someone from dying.
I really would love if you could feel it too.
It would make things easier, and make me feel less blue.
That first kiss was the moment everything changed.
It's not that serious, I said, but it sure as hell is not the same.
Tried to play it off like it was just a game.
Tried to save myself from inner despair.
I don't want to have feelings, I just don't want to care.
I've become someone else, someone I never thought I'd be.
Yet you're the only one I really care who sees.
I'm hiding behind a wall because I'm so afraid to fall,
and at the same time I feel I've done nothing to prevent it at all.
I'm slowly letting down my guard, and with you,
it isn't that hard.
I should just leave you be, and let you forget about me.
First poem on this site...don't be too ******* me.
I wish I could soak my brain in narcotics.
Then maybe I could sleep at night.
Maybe if I pour Nyquil into my ears.
If I drill a hole in my skull and funnel down some Vicodin.
Some Ambien, Eszopiclone, Ramelteon, Triazolam, Zaleplon, Zolpidem salad.
And a bowl or two on the side.
But then I may never wake up.
And the sky looks too perfect in the morning to sleep forever.
The tasteless strip hits my lips,
the clouds are exploding.
This is an acid trip.
Eyes scream things you can't tell are real.
All I can do is draw, my pen is surreal.
The touching and pressing is scary inside,
The walls are too close,
There's nowhere to hide.
Just once
Smile
Like a fresh traveller
In amazement at the
Wonders of this world
With new found independence
As your gaze wonders
Taking in this beauty
Of the sights around you
Smile as you turn
And willingly get lured
When life knocks on your door
Into the depths
Go and don't look back
Leave a trail
Weave your stories
Let yourself be known
Take part and celebrate
Traditions in cultures
Unknown
Collect good luck charms
And dream catchers
Pass through
An organic farm
And teach the village kids
Who've never seen
Foreign skin
Let them chase and cheer
The camel as you ride out
To catch the boat
Overseas
To visit the rhinoceros
Who's becoming extinct
Then off to the boutiques
To find little treasures
Special beaded bracelets
With gemstones
Rare as the experience
You've been through
Delicious delicacies
Waiting to be tasted
And spicy smells
Waft across the market
Enticing your senses
Then for dessert
Stroll through the narrow streets
To meet the best of friends
Who meet at the waterfall
For a coffee every evening
Be in on the secret
In the screen shot
You've always seen on t.v
Smile
As you realise
Everything new
Will never become old
As you continue to unravel
A mere drop
In the ocean
And if you ever feel like
You've seen it all
There's nowhere left to go
Travel backward
Not to rewind
Or undo
But to see how the
Places you've been to
Changed and became new
Have heaven now **** me
Prior glimmering in its shade
Where every fear then not conclude
The stolen voices that she gave

To me on the wings and shoulders
Loosely agitated fogs
To collapse a mist of my see-throughence
Scaring blind hands reaching for love

Maybe in a whisper
Maybe in a wondering soul

Have darkness now judge me
After light has grown me old
Where often so still comes the protrusion
Of empty words from so long ago  

Along the way I've been dismantled
Now heaven lifts it's mighty blade
While wishing only to've heard the faintest
Sound of love so beautifully unfrayed

Maybe in a whisper
Maybe in a wondering soul
For
              Carl Solomon

                   I

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by
      madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the ***** streets at dawn
      looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly
      connection to the starry dynamo in the machin-
      ery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat
      up smoking in the supernatural darkness of
      cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities
      contemplating jazz,
who bared their brains to Heaven under the El and
      saw Mohammedan angels staggering on tene-
      ment roofs illuminated,
who passed through universities with radiant cool eyes
      hallucinating Arkansas and Blake-light tragedy
      among the scholars of war,
who were expelled from the academies for crazy &
      publishing obscene odes on the windows of the
      skull,
who cowered in unshaven rooms in underwear, burn-
      ing their money in wastebaskets and listening
      to the Terror through the wall,
who got busted in their ***** beards returning through
      Laredo with a belt of marijuana for New York,
who ate fire in paint hotels or drank turpentine in
      Paradise Alley, death, or purgatoried their
      torsos night after night
with dreams, with drugs, with waking nightmares, al-
      cohol and **** and endless *****,
incomparable blind; streets of shuddering cloud and
      lightning in the mind leaping toward poles of
      Canada & Paterson, illuminating all the mo-
      tionless world of Time between,
Peyote solidities of halls, backyard green tree cemetery
      dawns, wine drunkenness over the rooftops,
      storefront boroughs of teahead joyride neon
      blinking traffic light, sun and moon and tree
      vibrations in the roaring winter dusks of Brook-
      lyn, ashcan rantings and kind king light of mind,
who chained themselves to subways for the endless
      ride from Battery to holy Bronx on benzedrine
      until the noise of wheels and children brought
      them down shuddering mouth-wracked and
      battered bleak of brain all drained of brilliance
      in the drear light of Zoo,
who sank all night in submarine light of Bickford's
      floated out and sat through the stale beer after
      noon in desolate Fugazzi's, listening to the crack
      of doom on the hydrogen jukebox,
who talked continuously seventy hours from park to
      pad to bar to Bellevue to museum to the Brook-
      lyn Bridge,
lost battalion of platonic conversationalists jumping
      down the stoops off fire escapes off windowsills
      off Empire State out of the moon,
yacketayakking screaming vomiting whispering facts
      and memories and anecdotes and eyeball kicks
      and shocks of hospitals and jails and wars,
whole intellects disgorged in total recall for seven days
      and nights with brilliant eyes, meat for the
      Synagogue cast on the pavement,
who vanished into nowhere Zen New Jersey leaving a
      trail of ambiguous picture postcards of Atlantic
      City Hall,
suffering Eastern sweats and Tangerian bone-grind-
      ings and migraines of China under junk-with-
      drawal in Newark's bleak furnished room,
who wandered around and around at midnight in the
      railroad yard wondering where to go, and went,
      leaving no broken hearts,
who lit cigarettes in boxcars boxcars boxcars racketing
      through snow toward lonesome farms in grand-
      father night,
who studied Plotinus Poe St. John of the Cross telep-
      athy and bop kabbalah because the cosmos in-
      stinctively vibrated at their feet in Kansas,
who loned it through the streets of Idaho seeking vis-
      ionary indian angels who were visionary indian
      angels,
who thought they were only mad when Baltimore
      gleamed in supernatural ecstasy,
who jumped in limousines with the Chinaman of Okla-
      homa on the impulse of winter midnight street
      light smalltown rain,
who lounged hungry and lonesome through Houston
      seeking jazz or *** or soup, and followed the
      brilliant Spaniard to converse about America
      and Eternity, a hopeless task, and so took ship
      to Africa,
who disappeared into the volcanoes of Mexico leaving
      behind nothing but the shadow of dungarees
      and the lava and ash of poetry scattered in fire
      place Chicago,
who reappeared on the West Coast investigating the
      F.B.I. in beards and shorts with big pacifist
      eyes **** in their dark skin passing out incom-
      prehensible leaflets,
who burned cigarette holes in their arms protesting
      the narcotic tobacco haze of Capitalism,
who distributed Supercommunist pamphlets in Union
      Square weeping and ******* while the sirens
      of Los Alamos wailed them down, and wailed
      down Wall, and the Staten Island ferry also
      wailed,
who broke down crying in white gymnasiums naked
      and trembling before the machinery of other
      skeletons,
who bit detectives in the neck and shrieked with delight
      in policecars for committing no crime but their
      own wild cooking pederasty and intoxication,
who howled on their knees in the subway and were
      dragged off the roof waving genitals and manu-
      scripts,
who let themselves be ****** in the *** by saintly
      motorcyclists, and screamed with joy,
who blew and were blown by those human seraphim,
      the sailors, caresses of Atlantic and Caribbean
      love,
who balled in the morning in the evenings in rose
      gardens and the grass of public parks and
      cemeteries scattering their ***** freely to
      whomever come who may,
who hiccuped endlessly trying to giggle but wound up
      with a sob behind a partition in a Turkish Bath
      when the blond & naked angel came to pierce
      them with a sword,
who lost their loveboys to the three old shrews of fate
      the one eyed shrew of the heterosexual dollar
      the one eyed shrew that winks out of the womb
      and the one eyed shrew that does nothing but
      sit on her *** and snip the intellectual golden
      threads of the craftsman's loom,
who copulated ecstatic and insatiate with a bottle of
      beer a sweetheart a package of cigarettes a can-
      dle and fell off the bed, and continued along
      the floor and down the hall and ended fainting
      on the wall with a vision of ultimate **** and
      come eluding the last gyzym of consciousness,
who sweetened the snatches of a million girls trembling
      in the sunset, and were red eyed in the morning
      but prepared to sweeten the ****** of the sun
      rise, flashing buttocks under barns and naked
      in the lake,
who went out ******* through Colorado in myriad
      stolen night-cars, N.C., secret hero of these
      poems, cocksman and Adonis of Denver--joy
      to the memory of his innumerable lays of girls
      in empty lots & diner backyards, moviehouses'
      rickety rows, on mountaintops in caves or with
      gaunt waitresses in familiar roadside lonely pet-
      ticoat upliftings & especially secret gas-station
      solipsisms of johns, & hometown alleys too,
who faded out in vast sordid movies, were shifted in
      dreams, woke on a sudden Manhattan, and
      picked themselves up out of basements hung
      over with heartless Tokay and horrors of Third
      Avenue iron dreams & stumbled to unemploy-
      ment offices,
who walked all night with their shoes full of blood on
      the snowbank docks waiting for a door in the
      East River to open to a room full of steamheat
      and *****,
who created great suicidal dramas on the apartment
      cliff-banks of the Hudson under the wartime
      blue floodlight of the moon & their heads shall
      be crowned with laurel in oblivion,
who ate the lamb stew of the imagination or digested
      the crab at the muddy bottom of the rivers of
      Bowery,
who wept at the romance of the streets with their
      pushcarts full of onions and bad music,
who sat in boxes breathing in the darkness under the
      bridge, and rose up to build harpsichords in
      their lofts,
who coughed on the sixth floor of Harlem crowned
      with flame under the tubercular sky surrounded
      by orange crates of theology,
who scribbled all night rocking and rolling over lofty
      incantations which in the yellow morning were
      stanzas of gibberish,
who cooked rotten animals lung heart feet tail borsht
      & tortillas dreaming of the pure vegetable
      kingdom,
who plunged themselves under meat trucks looking for
      an egg,
who threw their watches off the roof to cast their ballot
      for Eternity outside of Time, & alarm clocks
      fell on their heads every day for the next decade,
who cut their wrists three times successively unsuccess-
      fully, gave up and were forced to open antique
      stores where they thought they were growing
      old and cried,
who were burned alive in their innocent flannel suits
      on Madison Avenue amid blasts of leaden verse
      & the tanked-up clatter of the iron regiments
      of fashion & the nitroglycerine shrieks of the
      fairies of advertising & the mustard gas of sinis-
      ter intelligent editors, or were run down by the
      drunken taxicabs of Absolute Reality,
who jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge this actually hap-
      pened and walked away unknown and forgotten
      into the ghostly daze of Chinatown soup alley
      ways & firetrucks, not even one free beer,
who sang out of their windows in despair, fell out of
      the subway window, jumped in the filthy Pas-
      saic, leaped on negroes, cried all over the street,
      danced on broken wineglasses barefoot smashed
      phonograph records of nostalgic European
      1930s German jazz finished the whiskey and
      threw up groaning into the ****** toilet, moans
      in their ears and the blast of colossal steam
      whistles,
who barreled down the highways of the past journeying
      to each other's hotrod-Golgotha jail-solitude
      watch or Birmingham jazz incarnation,
who drove crosscountry seventytwo hours to find out
      if I had a vision or you had a vision or he had
      a vision to find out Eternity,
who journeyed to Denver, who died in Denver, who
      came back to Denver & waited in vain, who
      watched over Denver & brooded & loned in
      Denver and finally went away to find out the
      Time, & now Denver is lonesome for her heroes,
who fell on their knees in hopeless cathedrals praying
      for each other's salvation and light and *******,
      until the soul illuminated its hair for a second,
who crashed through their minds in jail waiting for
      impossible criminals with golden heads and the
      charm of reality in their hearts who sang sweet
      blues to Alcatraz,
who retired to Mexico to cultivate a habit, or Rocky
   &nb
I walk around crazy some say,
but I'm talking to you even
though they cant see you, I
know your right beside me
every moment of every day.

I grip my hand, even though
I cant touch you, we try as your
fingers pass through my palm
I shiver slightly. The cold grip
of death but its your touch that
is felt even if not warm its the
cold shiver shows your trying
come what may.

I see you in the mirror, turn but
you are not there, this existence
is killing me knowing your hear
but not really there. I want to be
with you I want your hand in
mine but as long as I'm here and
your there, are love will be a distance
that I can no longer bare.

I sleep never wishing to wake, I
want to feel you next to me, unable
to do it. To weak as I am living
and I miss you even though your
here it isn't really the same.

I must move on, I still do love
and care, but I can't love a shadow
that isn't really there. I feel you
next to me, I feel your touch when
no one is there, but I will see you
again when my time is up and are
love will continue there.
Latter-day poet, be parallel to the prophets of old.
Bold, tis lion on tongue; idol not, unless on Saturday.
I watch you destroy yourself one sip at a time.
Spending late nights searching for your ***** sprite,
asking people left and right,
if they got that medicine that's gonna make you feel alright.
Just lookin' to get a few sips,
take a few hits,
maybe see a few ****.
Because that's gonna make you feel alright.
I watch you destroy yourself one sip at a time.
so ****** up you can't walk a straight line.
Wonderin' if this is really how your spending your time!
****.
a few more sips and you can put that thought out of your mind.
I watch you destroy yourself one. sip. at. a time.
Hollowing out your own god ****** heart,
ripping the fibers of who you are apart.
no identity.
afraid to be,
wanting to be,
struggling to be,
What's that word?
free.
I watch you destroy yourself one sip at a time.
Couple drinks in and you're thinking you've found your destiny in the *** of some little dime.
Can't get a grip.
Blinded by
hollywood
materialism
narcissism
and all that *******.
And your EGO
E
G
O
Is edging your own god out.
feeling sick and full of doubt.
Caught up on the wrong route.
Youre being misguided, mislead, ill advised,
but your bank account has all those digits,
so who gives a **** that you're destroying your insides.
I've shoveled more **** that I wish to admit.
I've had my fair share of different kinds of sip sip sips.
I know your game, and I know why you're running.
But "****** up"?
Isn't very becoming.
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