I always thought we were the perfect match.
But matches are meant
                                   to ignite
                                         and burn out.

Can you look into my eyes
And watch my soul
As it struggles
Inside my head?

Can hold me close
And not let go
To stop me from breaking
Until all of my tears are shed?

Can you check my pulse
When I lay still
Peacefully
On my cold bed?

Can you try to be happy
When I finally smile
Inside the coffin
Already dead?

I am not okay today

I've been underwater
about five beats longer
than I would like
Starving for air
yet my lungs
are already full

My vision blurry
Fragments and flashes
of life
and light
and darkness

I am not okay today
For no reason at all
I am not okay

But I will be.

You mind your steps
   after you've stumbled.
You miss your home
   after you’ve left it.
You value your health
   after you’ve been sick.

But you can’t enjoy life
   after you died.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

you wake up
his hair is spilled across the pillow,
the sun slants across his cheekbone
and his breath is slow and even.
he smells like an open field
and his body is wrapped around yours
so he keeps you warm.
you think,
there is no moment better than this,
that he is too perfect to exist.
but you wake up gasping,
skin soaked in sweat.
you lie there for a long time,
in your completely empty bed.