You are not mine,
But sometimes i pretend
You wish you were.

I create this idea
That you secretly
Want me...

And i often forget
Its just something
Ive made up.

You do not want me,
And you are not mine.

I am not depressed
I’m just deflated
Out of style and over-dressed
At second-best, I’m overrated

An old birthday balloon
(Out of breath, somewhat bated)
I hum my jingles out of tune
One-hit-wonders soon outdated

Like a song without sound
Mourning a muted meltdown
I’m at the point of no concern
For my inability to yearn

I am -
Whatever comes after
The past, the future
The cries, and the laughter

I remain –
Whatever came before
The purple rain, the midnight train
The ****** and the *****

I am a pixelated painting
Understood by few
Inexplicably containing
Little drops of you

You’re my middle C
A sepia photograph
Of my mundane eulogy
And my previous epitaph

You are my bitter half
The gall in my bladder
My nervous laugh
My endless chatter

You’re my history rewritten
My once shy, twice-bitten
My state-of-the-art
You’re the bottom of my heart

The top of my lungs
You’re my talking in tongues
The motivational quote
In my suicide note

And although I’ll never be free
From this heart on my sleeve
I’ll always wish you to be
The Adam to my Eve.

And I had to walk away
I was just hoping at least he noticed I didn't run

Im growing up.
what i want is changing,
a little more everyday.
My mind tells me i don't want this anymore.
sometimes it screams so loud inside this shell of a skull
telling me i need to get out
go
leave.

But i cant.

When i look a you lying next to me sleeping
my heart stands still because you lie in my arms
trusting me.
its like a cliche scene in some advert on tv.
i can hear the music in the background as the light shines on your face
and suddenly everything is still and slow-mo
and all i can feel is your soft breath on my chest and everything is alright
i touch your eyelashes so softly and your eye will do that little flicker
and you'll rub your nose and shift a little, but still soundly asleep.
ill kiss your forehead and whisper that i love you
because i do.
believe me i do.
But i dont know whats right anymore because i dont think that my love will ever match up to yours if i stay
and you'll keep telling me that's okay
but its not.

So let me go and please dont cry.
because i'm not worth the tears
someday you'll understand why..

I'd like to thank

*****
for giving me the confidence to ask her out

Drunk texts
for the brutal honesty

Flannel shirts
for hiding my scars

My cats
for always being the cover story

My brother
for never telling my parents

My best friend
for finally telling my parents

That girl in my art class
for calling me kind

That guy I dated
for calling me selfish

My counselor
for telling me to mind my own business

The boy who said he loved me
for teaching me what love isn't

My bedroom
for keeping my sobs concealed

My headphones
for keeping my **** private

My ****
for keeping me from ******* that guy

That guy
for ******* me anyways

Guilt
for killing me

Guilt
for keeping me alive

I've had it with trying to decode all these hidden messages left behind for me. The i love yous that have no follow up. The i miss yous but ill keep my distance. The tip toe steps you take around me. All i need is a little honestly. For ******* once some honesty from people so that i know that im not a fool like im made to think i am. Waiting around for people to finally give me back the same amount i give them. Does. it. end.