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Nicole Ashley May 2015
I can't do my homework
I'm staring at a blank screen

My throat is closing
My body is shaking
What if I fail?
What if I get judged for this?
I'm going to fail this
That's when I fail at life

Oh.
My.
God.
I'm going to fail
Maybe I should do my homework
NO

(2 hours later)

Oh.
My.
God.
I'm never going to finish this
I might as well give up

(1 hour later)

Maybe I should clean my room
I have too many things
Why do I have so many things?
There's no point

I'm so ashamed
Why can't I do anything?
What if this is for me?
What if I go crazy?
Am I crazy?

Everyone must think I'm crazy
I should just be alone
I'm so scared to be alone
But I'm probably annoying
What if I can't please everyone?
I'm such a burden

(another hour later)

I seriously can't breathe
Why am I crying?
I'm too sensitive
People can't know about this
I should just do my homework
What if I fail?
Everyone must hate me

My throat is closing
And it's all my fault
Nicole Ashley May 2015
There are too many words
But I can't stop writing
I  can only write poems
Just like these

Nothing else
Nicole Ashley Apr 2015
Stars are old light
But they still go on
Like the sun and moon
Just like how every night
The sun dies for the moon
To let her live
It happens everyday
Every night
I'm drowning in my own galaxy
At my own hands of destruction
In my own wings made of fire
While my own heart eats me alive
While my mind splits me in half
And make my eyes watch it all
In a mirror at the bottom of the ocean
While the moonlight trickles down to me
And tells me it's okay
Because the sun will come again
The sun needs the moon again
It can't be right without her
Because every eclipse relies on her
Relies on him
It can't be right without her
And every darker night without the moon
Is a day where the skies are the darkest greys
And where silent drops of rain are the loudest tears to cry
Back into the ocean to create a flood
An arch for the piano to play
Every wave
Every raindrop
Every tear
Colliding in collisions of notes and sounds and rythms
I'm drowning in my own galaxy
An ocean filled with static white noise
Where the sun asks for the moon every eclipse and day and night
Waiting for the moon to spark the stars
And bring daylight on the darkest days
Because stars are old light
The sun reminds the mirror at the bottom of the ocean to tell me
Wrapped in my own fire wings
That they are still going on
Upon galaxies
And that I should too
But there's always that fear....
And all I could hear
Was the frost wind from another dimension..
Nicole Ashley Apr 2015
After I cry, I'll stare at myself in the mirror. That way my mind can tell me that when the red leaves my eyes,  it'll be the same thing as healing.
Nicole Ashley Apr 2015
I feel like one day I'll finish all my work
I'll make amends and fix my life
And on that day I'll say goodbye
I don't deserve it
I never could
I hurt too many people and feel guilty everyday
I walk these same halls and wake up the same way
I don't deserve it
I don't deserve life
I don't deserve it
I'm living wrong
And one day I'll fix it
But on that day I'll say goodbye
I don't deserve this
**Nothing at all
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