Welcome change.
Because it's waves are crashing at your door.
It is rushing in.
This is beyond your control.

So let it flow right through you.
Surround you.
Engulf you.

Surrender.

Though we cannot change what tomorrow brings...
...we can still live with grace today.

Soft wind, tender neck
Kissing lips once pressed

Sky black, universe unfolds
Light beyond reach tonight

Train tracks, quiet sorrow
Silence reveals hallow heart

Lush meadow, abandoned field
Laying on lonely tracks

Past bloom, flower fade
Heart tearing out name

Erase memories, take wind
Midnight train goodbye sin

Between your lips.

...that is where heaven and hell is.

Being alone stings.

.

But feeling unwanted swells.

#hedosentcare #noonecares #whowouldcare #idontcare #idontmatter #mindgonewild

My greatest love hasn’t found me yet.
But I know my greatest partner is out there. He’s ready to be held, appreciated, loved.

My greatest self hasn’t found me yet.
But I know my greatest version is out there. She’s ready to evolve, learn, shine.

My greatest adventure hasn’t found me yet.
But I know my greatest travel is out there.
Ready to experience, discover, explore.

My greatest achievement hasn’t happened yet.
But I know my greatest success is out there.
Waiting to help, nurture, change.

But I want you to know: My greatest life isn’t “out there”...

My greatest life is right here. It is happening every second of every day.

My greatest journey is filled with appreciation, love, learning, experiences, discoveries, change. It’s all these things that make this life - greatest.

A glow in her palm
Another smile spreads like wildfire

Doorbell rings
Delicate footsteps patter

Hips resting in his embrace
Heavy breath in, light breath out

Under the sheets they play
Uncovered legs entangled

But then the night settles
Beside him she lies in his embrace

Eyes wide open
Entire heart bare
Emotions unraveling

Where her last mans words live

On this bed
On this body
On this brain

Scars start to bleed
Shame starts to float

Quietly tiptoes sound
Quickly gathering clothes

Turn around
There he is sleeping peacefully now

Encapsulate this moment
Escape the damaging of a whole heart

Closing the door on tonight
Close the door to her heart

Your words break my spine
                        *one syllable at a time.

How comforting bathroom tiles can be,
When my tears need a place to sleep.

This quiet brings me solace,
As my palms press against the ground.

All I can focus on is my breath,
Heaving in harmony as tears splash down.

I can feel my chest quivering,
Heart aching out of my breast.

But my swollen eyes,
Only want to rest.

So I count the seconds,
Between falling tears filling up this space.

It's late now, my tears are tired,
Bathroom tiles feel like my only escape.

Farewell sweetheart,

I closed the door without a sound.
Teardrops fell to the ground.

You loved me softly, you filled me with grace.
But I can't live this lie just to save face.

I don't feel joy, I can't sense pain.
If only you knew what was going on in my brain.

Life without you once seemed impossible, and now it is the reality I face.
I'll never forget the moments we had, how you made me blush in lace.

The train is leaving the station and I'm going away.
There is no point in hoping I'll stay.

I look around and feel like a stranger here, there's not enough room in your heart.
We both deserve a fresh start.

I won't wake you, my feet gently cross the floor.
Our story is over, I can't do this anymore.

So goodbye my sweet, these memories will last. Until the next time, I'll remember you and briefly gaze in the past.

In each new wave of life you followed me to shore
Finding ways to crack open my heart, just leaving sores

With each new wave I fought to swim away
But with the tide you dragged me astray

Giving me grief, misleading me with your eyes
I never really felt I had anywhere to hide

Each time you come around you feed me a lie
I'm so tired now, I can't even cry

Just let me go.
It is time to give this up, as you already know

Let me have some relief
Quit following me, and my drowning will be brief

His words seeped like a sweet whisper,
Swaying branches in her tree.
Blood flowing to the tips of her fingers, all the way to her rosy cheeks.

But sweetness disguises the bitter...
A wasp hard at work, filling honey in her soul.
This intricate, delicate hive he has built, surrounding her with delicious walls.

Step off course, and with a stroke of her hand...
Buzzing became deafening, engulfing, intoxicating.
What once was a blue sky turned to grey,
his swarm blocked out the day.

Sharp pain began to spread, one excuse after another.
One piercing lie after another.
With each sting, her respect bleed away.  
Stealing her sweetness, leaving her in decay.

Through the winter she waited, her emptiness soaking in cold flakes.
Until spring finally came - and a new bee began building his hive, on sweet honey lies.

Because when you fell, you didn't just fall.
It wasn't graceful. It wasn't serene.
Nothing about it was pleasant, dignifying,
honorable.

It was a tangled pulsing thunder that ended in a silent scream.
Rumbles of disgrace.
Tremors of fear.
Echoing humiliation.
Tears bleeding shame.

But the clock...
Life is moving on.
Handfuls of broken glass, shift through the past.
Streaming red, stinging, lost - now which way?

With a bruised heart and battered knees, pick yourself up. It's time now - breathe.

His words struck.
The final nail in my coffin.

His actions sliced deep.
The shovel digging my grave.

His excuses smelled sweet.
The flowers to my farewell.

His eyes pierced my heart.
The tear drops on his cold cheek.

His hands melted my soul.
The palms holding his head low.

His legs carried him away.
The day he left me, and buried this grave.

Hold out your palms
Close your eyes
Take a deep breathe in…
Here is the surprise  

You decide your world
You select your thoughts
Stop chasing someone else’s dreams
Follow your own hearts thoughts

Happiness is well within reach
Simply extend your hand
So you can see

Turn your palms up
Facing the sky
Do you know what you failed to realize?
                                 God never leaves your side
Exhale now
Don’t shed a tear
God loves you, so rise without fear

Release.

Bite the serpent living behind your teeth.
Keep your venom far away from me.
Don't let the reaction strike.
Words constricting my neck tonight.
I can't respond. Not even to breathe.
Poisonous love, quit striking me.
Chocking on your judgement.
Harsh words build higher walls.
Next time you coil up that tongue,
I know it's time to run.
Just like venom slowly kills through the bloodstream
So does your words that are hurting me.

Life isn’t easy now, but it’s real.
Prayers take longer  now, but they’re full
Heart is in pieces now, but I’m breathing
Tears are streaming now, but life goes on

When life gives you hardship in a multitude of ways, on a variety of levels,

Just remember that you are STRONG.
God made you CAPABLE.
Be the warrior someone else NEEDS.
Thrive by EXAMPLE.
It’s easy to do well when all is well....but be a CHAMPION even on battlegrounds.

I just want the bleeding to stop, I beg and plead.
When does the disappointment stop? You're hurting me.

Pain runs down my weak veins, legs buckle. How long will this drag this out? As you're pulling me.

Suffocated, intoxicated, disheartened lost soul. Bring me back to joy, back to being the real me.

For now I just bleed.
Bleed.
         B l e e d.

All it takes is one second.
For the cracks to appear.

Then I read those words....
Shatter.

A million fragments of thought,
Flying in the air.
Suddenly I can't breathe,
So I just stand there.

And in an instant hope hits the ground,
A million little parts of me scatter around.
Broken breaths of a lost heart,
Followed by slow blinks seconds apart.

This is my reality.
This is where I'm at.
In this moment...
                              ... shattered is who I am.

Truth is...they are who they have always been

Truth is...only time reveals real character

Truth is...you mattered before, during, and after their presence in your life

Truth is...the only thing that is controllable is your attitude

The biggest truth?
God shuts doors on purpose

Have faith that when one door closes, something far greater is on the horizon

Here I am
It's quite now

And all I can feel
Are tears falling down

They are in a race you see
Which can caress my lips first

Streamers of shame
Rivers carrying my pain

It's off to the races
My face becomes a tidal wave

This floor is a pool
Water engolfing exahusted hands covering face

Even if I bend and break
There's no leaving this place.

So I melt into my deepest fears
Stuck in my own disgrace

#depression

I just keep wondering, when are you going to show up?
Does all the false-kindness and backdoor agendas end?
Where the hell are you and what is keeping you from showing up?
...Are you even coming at all?
.
.
.
Hallow.

A sunset stopped my mundane day.
When all the sudden I looked up and saw the sky as if God painted a masterpiece.

I felt soft breaths escaping my lips,
Peace.
Solitude.
Hope.

Blood rushed to my fingertips,
My nose tingling from the winter wind.
But my eyes were fixiated on the universe of orange, purple, pink.

God made this for me,
This moment.
Just for me.
And it’ll never come again.
I’m right here.
Right now.
And all my shortcomings are okay, somehow.

It’s like for a brief moment God put his hand on my shoulder.
No words.
Only his overwhelming presence.
That even when I feel lost, small, incredibly insignificant. Invisible.
In him I am found.

That sunset of colors is me.
A beautiful being.

I’ll never get that picture out of my head.
So thank you God for saving me.
In the little moments when I need your grace.

If you could only see what’s in front of you...

...rather than what’s behind you...

The world would be yours.

#newhorizons #lookbeyond

Words. Feel. Like. Bricks. Tied. To. My. Heart.

Sink. Or. Swim.

When I met you I thought heaven fell to the earth.
And angels danced on my heart strings.
Each pulse is in perfect rhythm with the waves of your heart.
I’m lost and completely found in your atmosphere.

....................................................­.......................

Praying for mercy, praying for grace.
That one day I’ll end up in your embrace.
What is in my head isn’t all fake.
That when I gaze in your eyes you see it too
Our hearts skip a beat from across the room.
A touch that electrifies an afternoon.
Maybe I’m not what you’ve loved before
But maybe that’s why God is also opening this door
So we can find the parts of another we’ve never explored
Praying God hasn’t given up on me
Given up on this wild ecstasy
That love is a moments glance away
So my heart holds onto a silver of hope
That maybe one day
One day.
Today will be the day.

Your hand in mine.
Fall wind sending shivers up my spine.

This won’t last, as I gaze into your eyes.
Searching for another second of peace, before I fall into your lies.

The sound of your laughter echos around.
Until my memories leave me in silence. Not a sound.

Rewinding in my mind every stolen glance, every laugh, each touch.
Wondering if my expression gave away too much.

I was falling, hard and fast.
For someone who wouldn’t last.