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Do you love me?

Those four words were once so hard to say with sanity. As if my mother tongue forbade me to know how it meant once. I have sat all day in the empty spaces of us; trying to find an answer without verbalizing it

So I slept on it; I waited on it; I walked on it; I dreamed about it; I accepted it;
And I meant it

And I realized; why should I ask him? Because if he loves me he would tell me. *Maybe he is not the type of guy who wander around and saying I love you
—a shy one, perhaps—my mind stops thinking.

Or
He simply does—not love me?

He stared at me in a long pause and kissed me at 2 a. m
‘Do you like me?’ I asked
He stopped and bit my lip; he was not quite there yet  
Loud and clear, I have found my answer in his silence

*It's not even a hard question ******* it!
Waste time with me
just for a little longer
and we can finally be free.

Free from the rushing lights,
free from the starless nights,
free like stringless kites
soaring through the vast skies.

Sundays will come
no matter what,
yet let's see if we can
last just a bit longer
and maybe touch me
just one more time
until the long wait
between now
and next Friday.
 Oct 2016 Neville Johnson
Del
Don’t make me love you, not in that way.
Not in a way where you pretend to reach out to me and make it seem like you are so close.

When in reality, you are so out of reach.

Not in a way where every song I listen to will have something that will remind me of you;

Reminding me of how I can never seem to silence the voice inside my head that knows nothing but say your name.

Not in a way where your eyes are both the anchor that holds me down and the ocean that I drown in.

Not in a way where the word impossible loses its meaning and I am convinced, although almost insanely, that you love me, too.

Not in a way where I feel nothing but dead butterflies in my stomach still fluttering, reminding me of a love that died a long time ago but the remnants of it still remains and still haunts me.

Not in that way.

Not when I somehow managed to cross the bridge and burn it only to find out I was still standing on the wrong side.

Not in a way a broken record keeps playing, even if it never gets to move because it is stuck playing that same note, over and over again and it sounds exactly like ‘I love you, I love you, I love you’.

Don’t make me love you, not when I know you will never stay.
Blossoms are the
Hopes and dreams
Attached to the thorny
Stems of life
We all have to climb
To smell the roses
My world is not of the written word
It cannot be numbered
held captive on a so called page

My world is liquid
as sea , rain , snow or ice
It can be hot , cold , or entice

My world is cloudy
It thunders after it flashes light
My world is wrong , my world is right

There are no words that bind my life
I won't be delegated
to exist in the black on white

I will not be staved
by the limited sways
of the written words upon the page
~


hard breathing       long night
repeat    repeat

she holds on
and I wait ~

sponge moisture
     cracked tongue
              injected pain meds

still, her will maintains ~

tears stream as I beg
your non-responsive body
   please     let      go

gurgles rise and fall
with slow chest movement

                in the quiet night
                       soft beeping in the distance
I see the truth

fear keeps you ~

bone fingers, cold and veiny
rest in my own

softly, I begin to tell you
not to be afraid

brother will be fine
I will be fine
your pets will be fine
the house
the yard
the tribe….

it was only 10 minutes down the highway
when the phone call came

when you let go

when you were no longer afraid ~



that was the moment I realized

I was afraid


        of       losing      you /
Oct 4 is mom's birthday, she would have been 65.... she passed a bit more than a year ago, but this week has been rough......
When I was eight
At the park

Playing football
Getting dark

Older kids
Stole our ball

I can't stand bullies
Not at all

Then out of the blue
Three more kids appear

Did I mention they're black
So now I felt fear

But to my surprise, they said
Give the ball back!

What's going on?
I thought they were black

This confused my young mind
From all I was told

Stay away from the blacks
Or you'll never grow old

That one little act
Fifty years ago now

Changed the way I see color
Changed my vision and how

Today I was out
With my eight year old son

God, how I love him
We're having such fun

Then I see someone starring
No, it's more like a glare

I can't be that ugly
It must be my hair

Then an old thought creeps in
From way, way, way, back

She's glaring at us cause
I'm white, and he's black

So my prayer for this world
And I hope you don't mind

Is the day we can say
We're all color blind!

Amen
All true!
 Oct 2016 Neville Johnson
kaycog
Some kind of joy
I saw in that elevator girl
like no other creature before
she had an ice cream cone
rocky road
marshmallow chocolate nut
chunky toothy grin
she found her happy place
on an elevator
with an ice cream cup
from baskin robins
it was large
at least three scoops
she laughed
elevated
spirit and body rising up
the levels
forget the rocky road
she was going
up
up
up
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