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 Jan 2015 namii
Jeanette
You thought it would be nice
if I drove home with your sister in law,
after dinner.

I stared out the window of the silver sedan,
the trees engulfed the highway
like  flames of deep forest green.
Not the kind of green that
I recognized in the trees that grew
outside my childhood home.

Being away from you,
even if only for a short moment,
made me feel like a character in the wrong book.
Panic slowly seeped its way into my veins.

I buried myself in my lap.
She asked if I was okay,
I said that I was just tired.

The book on tape playing loudly on the stereo
narrated the rest of our silent drive.
Y.M.H.H Pt III is the third installment in a series of poems.
 Jan 2015 namii
halfheartedsoul
A twist of fate when blood runs stale,
A change of heart when time lets pass.

You,
a discordant symphony,
who needed naught but a look to understand.

Blank eyes, aching heart,
A cherry top was what it was.

You,
a perfect contradiction,
recalled of a time when the sun still rose
from east to west.

It could've been
but surely you wouldn't deem,
a time of youth,
to see through years.

Torn pages, running ink.
A devastation you left it be.

And it was all simple,
really.

A gift returned,
wrecked in folly.

And thus,
I stood and stared,
An epicly carved being,
eyes bright with life,
Ones that framed my every move.

Life must be well.

My heart swelled,
Thoughts of you anew,
And my place that could've been,
A question that would've never been.

I smiled,
*"No you don't."
 Jan 2015 namii
halfheartedsoul
What would it be like,
When people like us gather,
On a frivolous journey for the nether
with a crew of cuckoos;
Like a family headed for the gutters,
humour abundant.

What do we have to lose,
In a world full of *****,
And time to lose.

Day and night,
Lightweights and *******,
A love fest and a funfair.

Stomachs full,
Heart merry.

An euphoria of heightened souls.

What would it be like,
When people like us gather,
Tired of the same,
Aimless and shamed.

Days run tame,
Nights run old.

What would it be like,
When people like us gather,
Purpose in mind,
a book in hand.
 Jan 2015 namii
Tyler Durden
May I
 Jan 2015 namii
Tyler Durden
The Delicately exquisite touch
One pattern after the other
Soft symmetry laced one in one
Tight pulse of fixation
Don't let go
Longing to linger,
The small Warmth of trust.
Her hands
 Jan 2015 namii
halfheartedsoul
Naught but mockery.

In the back of my mind,
I've always recognised why
Why all those nights,
I fought sleep,
Why all those days,
Appetite didn't come.

Didn't sleep again last night.

And I rose from bed,
reluctant as ever to return
to a heart-torturing reality.

The hot scalding shower,
wasn't hot enough.
And when it was,
I closed my eyes,
Calm reigning my soul.

I walked the streets,
Drizzle of rain splattering on my face,
It was as though everything was fine,
Yet everything wasn't.

I felt everything wrong,
But everything was right.

I, I,
I wanted to stand
in the middle of that street,
And await an incoming car.

Nothing in me protested,
Except for the mind,
the god fearing mind.

My heart was silent,
eerily calm.

I hailed a cab,
got to school like
everything was fine,
But the emotions on my face
probably couldn't lie.

All bottled up,
in a bright corner I sat,
just wanting to let it all out.

Yet again,
The heart-torturing reality interferes.

*Figured, why I never was a fan.
 Jan 2015 namii
halfheartedsoul
Ships, harbours.

Every docking opportunity,
an assurance of refuge,
with hopes of acceptance;
they who persisted.

Stopped at every opportunity,
they did.

A quest for a hearty change,
and a joyful state.

Promises of forever,
tough times,
and brighter days
that'll light the darkest nights.

Broke down they did,
each time they had to leave
but they sailed on,
till the next harbour was in sight.

It was courage
that kept them moving;
a covetous trait,
for one who can't,
couldn't,
wouldn't,
reach out.

This,
an asseveration,
for they who persevered.

& there they lay,
they who kept searching,
the only way they know how.

Happiness,
a subjective matter;
did it require,
a change of environment,
or simply,
a change of heart?

For they who haboured,
not expecting of guests who stayed,
there could be the brightest lighthouse,
that docked them in.

Have faith,
regrets are ever unbecoming,
& stand tall.

This,
but well wishes,
to trudge on.
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