most people see me as
a happy person because
i laugh easily,
i smile a lot,
i joke a lot.

but deep down
in my heart,
i am fragile,
i can get hurt easily,
but i choose to not
show it to the world.

instead of being sad,
i choose to laugh to cover it.
maybe you can call me
"the queen of the mask"

by this,
you can tell
that most of the time
when I'm laughing,
I'm not really laughing,
i was trying so hard to hide
my sadness.

I feel like I’m losing a friend,
It started off slow,
Faded like your favorite t-shirt,
After one too many wash cycles.

Like the stretch of an overused rubber band,
Losing its resilience,
It’s snap,
It’s ability to bounce back.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the t shirt,
Going through the same cycle,
Over and over,
And expecting different results.

Like the shirt’s need to be clean,
Is my need for validation,
To not hurt your feelings,
To make me feel better about myself.

But I no longer care,
How you feel,
What you do,
Or who you do it with.

I made it through one last wash cycle,
One more strip of my colors,
My identity,
But somehow I came out brighter than ever.

thank you to the ones who have been there for me
at my darkest times
when I had no one else

thank you to the ones who were kind enough to let me in
and let me help you

thank you to the ones who brought a smile to my lonely days
the ones who always knew what to say

thank you to the ones who weren't fake
to the people who actually loved me
to the people who actually cared

thank you to the ones who left
I realize I never needed you to survive
and you were just a chapter of my life

and finally, thank you to me
for not giving up
for believing in yourself
thank you...

so there’s something that’s been bothering me
i conjure up these thoughts and they never go away
all my friends are doing so great and i’m so proud

with one being so smart they could do anything
another already having a college look at them
and someone who’s going places with their acting

after looking at them you’ll stumble upon me
someone who realized they weren’t happy with what they were doing and ended it

yeah it sounds great but now i have nothing
colleges like when they see you were a star quarterback in high school
or are at the top of your class

people say if you haven’t found your talent
its not that is not there it’s just that you haven’t discovered it
but i don’t think that applies to me

i should’ve found it by now
i’m losing motivation and sleep over this
and there’s only so much anyone can do

I add gas to my own fire
don't need anyone to do it for me