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Nov 2018 · 343
It’s Been A Year
Martha Nov 2018
If you know me at all, you know I am a lot to handle, even for myself.
I feel very deeply and I do not know if that’s a flaw or a favor given by subconscious
That sometimes anxiety swallows me whole and I can not find the words to speak
But I can write very clearly

And if he knew me at all
The hole he punched in the wall would’ve been a kiss on the forehead instead
A soft “I understand, just take your time”
That tells me that things just weren’t right
Nov 2018 · 194
Strangers
Martha Nov 2018
Last night I saw you
A face so familiar
I swear, my dear, it felt like a dream

But something has changed
You’re not quite the same
I hope that you can find yourself someday

You’re eyes looked like spring now all I see is ice and rain
An empty glance and something I no longer understand

I could just walk away but would you like me to stay and tell you everything that I would rather not say

I’m a stranger to me and I’d rather not be
I’ll find my way to me eventually.
Aug 2018 · 526
On a Tuesday Night
Martha Aug 2018
He took me to dinner on a Tuesday night. A rather “hole in the wall” kind of place most people would pass over without a second glance.

I look at him from across the table with a smile, wondering what I did that lead up to us being here together. We speak of life and love over 3 courses and a bottle of wine.

Leaving the restaurant, I realized that the stars look to the moon with as much awe and wonder as your eyes to mine. As you open the passenger side door and help me in, I realize that I can take care of myself but you make me want to love myself as well.

We talk of lust and death on the way home over gas station coffee and cigarettes. As I marvel at the smoke you exhale dancing in the glow of the headlights, I realized that no matter how much you love someone, they can still find a way to slip through your fingers.
Jul 2018 · 878
In The End
Martha Jul 2018
I remember you skipping rocks with me on the beach
How they flew through the summer sky and sunk way down deep
And I knew from the way you were laughing at me
that this won’t turn out the way we’d wished it to be
In the end

I remember long days we had alone on the couch
with teeth stained in red wine, our worries flew out
the front door down the hallway where you first said you love me
Past first kiss and last dance and holiday plans that fell flat

And I saw your new girlfriend at the bar, she looks pretty
And sometimes I wonder how she looks in the morning
dreary eyes beg for coffee, does she remind you of me?
I guess I just get over all of it eventually

And pretend
we made it
in the end
Jul 2018 · 500
You Are All That I Am
Martha Jul 2018
These are the moments you remember in the end
And you are the song that I hear inside my head
And through all the fire, we took time to put it out
And once in the ashes, not a thing to cry about

With you came the sun
ever shining, always glowing, shed a light on all we’ve found
And if I stumble, I look to you and you pull my feet up off the ground

And I’ll keep on running though I know I won’t get too far
Cause you have me dancing on the sidewalk in the thunder
after everything went dark
I know we don’t have the answers but that don’t matter
we’ll still sit in wonder here together,
how the best is yet to come
Apr 2018 · 270
Initials
Martha Apr 2018
Walked by the tree we carved our names in
Scratched out beside it said K+N
And I wondered then out loud
hey maybe I could burn it down
to the ground

Or keep on walking, pass it by
as a simple picture in the mind
that got too hazy, blurry baby
Two lost souls too intertwined

And I’m fine
I’ll be alright
I’ll pack my bags and catch a flight
Too far away for us to say
Hey what are you doing Saturday night?
Martha Mar 2018
Thank you for giving me the joy of meeting you
For welcoming me into your family and making me feel as if I were with you all forever
Your excitement upon meeting me is something I will never forget
He talked about you a lot
And from the second I heard your name, I knew you were something special to him
The one who helped him grow into the man that he is
The one who dried his tears
The one who told him to never give up.
I wrote him a note on the back of a book I got him for Christmas
It was new and fresh and exciting and I couldn’t wait to tell him how I felt
You said it was one of the most beautiful thing you ever read and I knew I liked you then
I shouldn’t be writing this for you.
I shouldn’t be thinking of him now
But I am.
I just want you to know that it’s been the greatest pleasure to know you and the hardest thing ever for me to let him and your beautiful family go.
I’m sorry if I caused him any pain.
I know he’s your baby and you never want to see him hurt.
But I want you know that I loved him as much as I knew how to.
And somethings you just can’t force.
That first Christmas was the first time I ever felt happy for the holidays and I thank you and your family for that.
Thank you for showing me love and compassion and excitement.
As you can see, I am still trying to get over him.
But I see he has already forgotten me.
I don’t know what you think of me now.
And it should probably stay that way
I was only a blink of an eye for him as I should be for you
But every so often you all dance into my brain and I can’t help but think what could have happened,
i just want to thank you for making me feel so welcome
That now it feels so heartbreaking to leave, even months later.
And even after he has found someone new.
I hope you all cherish her as you did me.
And I wish you all the best
Martha Feb 2018
I hope he takes care of you
Maybe not quite the same way as he did me
but with real love and understanding
I know he’s a little hot headed
Sometimes you just have to be patient with him
He’ll do the same for you

I hope he listens to you when you’re angry
Or upset
Or happy
I hope he doesn’t leave the room for a smoke during a fight
I hope you don’t have to follow him outside
While he angrily blows smoke in your direction
I really hope that you help him quit

Say hi to his sisters for me
I wish I could’ve gotten to know them better
Hug his mom a little tighter the next time you see her
She was the first love of his life

And if we ever cross paths, I hope there is peace
And I hope you make him happier than I ever could.
Breakup, Love, Relationships, Valentines Day
Feb 2018 · 336
June 23rd
Martha Feb 2018
In the month of June, in year old perfume
I tried to drown you out
Found myself down, stumbling around
only you I thought about

Bought myself breakfast at the place we used to go
Diner lights fight with last nights merlot
Guess I’ll call it a day and try again tomorrow

And I bet you told your mother what a mess I became
To try and keep me from dancing on the back of your brain
It’s not for me to say cause I left you anyways
but sometimes I wish that you would’ve let me stay
Jan 2018 · 177
Wine
Martha Jan 2018
We drank a lot of wine together
Maybe we had an alcohol problem but it felt right at the time.
It felt like a toast to the both of us,
A celebration of love for eachother
A toast to every night spent together,
We loved each other but now he loves another
And this is just too much for me to weather
Jan 2018 · 470
Shy Guy Flower Company
Martha Jan 2018
I can’t find the words to say to you
So I went to a florist
Maybe I’ll say it in daisies or maybe peonies will do
I don’t get this sentimental
I hope you don’t think I’m mental as I offer these to you
You’re as sweet as sunshine and I sure wish you could be mine
Because I would shower you in every flower in this room
You’re an intoxicating perfume
Dec 2017 · 274
Rain
Martha Dec 2017
Monday morning another day
Pull the covers over my head say
I’m not leaving today

There’s a few new cracks on my ceiling
Looks like you’re leaving again cause I can’t make you stay

And it looks like rain for the rest of the week
Dec 2017 · 355
In 3 Years
Martha Dec 2017
You had one more day
Until you got on a plane
And you flew far away

And I wish I had said those words that I had stuck inside my brain

Stay a little longer here inside this house but it’s so broken now
Stay a little longer here
If I forgive you, I won’t know how

Will we be the same as we are now in 3 years?
I don’t wanna wait that long
Do we have to wait that long?
I don’t wanna wait that long
Dec 2017 · 264
Lucky Stars
Martha Dec 2017
Oh baby, lately I’ve been so lonely
And late at night, you know I can’t sleep
Waking up at 3:00 staring at my ceiling
And I’ll dream of when you were staring at me

Counting your lucky stars that I could be where you are
You’d paint your name on my ceiling and tell me you were never leaving

Oh darling, maybe we were better off as being just friends
Maybe then right now this wouldn’t be the end
But we knew we had to do it
No way to get through it by

Counting your lucky stars that times couldn’t be so hard
Hope I left a mark on your heart cause you know I’ll never be that far
Dec 2017 · 217
Welcomed Guests
Martha Dec 2017
Pack your things in a suitcase and head out the door
The four walls that used to hold you don’t feel like home no more
And I know you said you made your bed
Picked up your mess and left
But the ghost that haunts my hallways now
well he’s not a welcomed guest
Martha Dec 2017
If there’s one thing that unifies you and me, it’s heartbreak
If you’ve never experienced it to the fullest, you’ve seen it somewhere.
On your favorite tv shows, that song on the radio, on the girl’s face at the bar
On your lover’s face when you walk out the door the last time

And when you do feel it for the first time, you’ll want to be alone but please don’t be alone
You’ll want to bottle it up but
that’s a breakdown at work waiting to happen
That’s crying to his friends
That’s calling him after 1am, knowing he isn’t asleep yet
That’s driving by his apartment and holding your breath
That’s feeling like your hometown isn’t yours anymore, it’s a place you used to be with him

It’s feeling like the seasons are taunting you of when you were in love
The first fall of snow is the feeling of his hug
The lighting of the tree reminds you of warm cups of coffee on the couch
You dread New Year’s Eve because only 365 days ago, you danced with him in the street as the clock struck midnight
It’s knowing you will dance alone this year

You don’t look at your body the same way. You know how he saw it and you don’t see the beauty he did anymore
Your face doesn’t look like yours, it’s the one he used to hold in his hands
like a sparking jewel
He could marvel forever
I know he’s the first thing you think of when you wake up alone
And he wakes up next to her

Something that used to feel so concrete has been pummeled to dust
and now you’re left to scatter the ashes
So you drive by, the commons, the bbq joint, the movie theater, the lighthouse, the coffee shops, the all night diners, the book shops, the arcades, the antique stores, all the places you’ve made memories together
But please toss your heartache out the driver’s side window as you pass his apartment
because now it’s the only thing you two have in common
Dec 2017 · 193
Your First Love
Martha Dec 2017
Did he smell of Old Spice or Irish Spring?
Did he smoke Reds or Camels?
“I’m not too good at this sort of thing
But it’s been a road well traveled”

How has it been since he loved you then?

Did he make you breakfast every Sunday morning?
Did he play X-box in bed?
Did you stay in while the rain was pouring
He said “let’s just get takeout instead”.

How has it been since you loved him then?

Can you walk past that bar?
Do you take the backstreet?
Do you hold your head high
Or do you stare at your feet?

Do you still hear his laugh
And the ringing of bells
See the stars on the night
that you knew you both fell

Do you know the answer
Why did you fall apart?
Was it merely just timing
Or the break of a heart?

In your desperate endeavor
I hope that you find
A love that is honest
And patient
And kind

— The End —