Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 Apr 2018 misty
pitch black god8
5 Sensory Deprivation Relevations  (Happy Birthday Will Shakespeare)


I     the smell of sad

odor colorless like *****, similar familiar sidewinder effects,
musty invasive, it has no specificity, no locale centrale, well closeted,
saddling saddlng, in place, plain sighted better to toy our lives,
pervades persists, worse lingers, impervious to sprays
and even everyone’s good literature (even Will’s)
good wishes good intentions and mood prayers
to the nearest lay god
on duty at the spiritual emergency room on weekends,
stink

don’t think that this poem is for you; solely for the writer,
your doppelgänger ******, your mirror’s inside hiding out place,
I, who has your sadness smell into my skin cells crept
waft woof and warp wet weft-woven
into the sad receptacles hidden in my
head’s cubbies and the palms of my tree hands-covering face


there are cures so wonderful and inexpensive but unavailable
at the local Rite Aid, though they are the right aid recoverable,
so closer than close, so close that the internist
cannot prescribe them because he must inject himself first
because the live bacteria in the antidote can **** all

this odor lays down bamboo-strong roots;
to eradicate you must dig down deep,
six feet perhaps more, with heavy earth moving equipment,
uproot at the source, follow sad always all-the-way down and the root
great god gone,
but the saddest truth
stench odor yet present

II    the taste of joy

the joy of cooking is not a gene in my litany possess,
but the buttery taste of joy I know, I know,
it’s a real princess rarity,
the hard costs of finding and keeping it,
I’ve paid endlessly and willingly pay on

the taste of joy is like presents under the tree,
shock surprises delights lives/life, customized, infectious
(except for socks, no matter how joyously exceptional),
joy to those whose buds never blossomed for its taste
readable on some one else’s, anyone’s ****** expression

I think of it as the taste of fast traveling cumulus whites
upon my eyelashes blinking as they are speeding you by, but happy
for ten more behind before the evening stars takes over

the taste of joy is physical, there can be no denying,
concentrations can be found in the lips and the fingertips,
which you think of as a tandem, someone else’s on mine

but it ain’t necessarily so; the taste of joy, shared I, having submitted to others kisses carried on the wind that
found their mark and were well received,
poems from the heart
that arrive well,
as their intended is sleeping, and
as intended, as waking gifts

the taste of joy in droplet tears
when you are notified that words
you joined in holy matrimony made you cry,
because the reader did, wept for two,
the weeping of contentment released,
free at last from container confinement;
this particular taste of joy is in the  
recovery and recognition that these
are not for you,
just joy peculiar these tasted tears for whomsoever sheds them

III   the hearing of truthful

truth am told is oft served cold and hard up for the hearing,
best avoided tween noon and midnight and any time a
bathroom mirror is in the vicinity; though religious men lie
too easily; bathroom mirrors cannot; a character flaw for sure,
but the truth to be trusted is this: no one is truly contented, always there are the richer, the more famous, the employed and
someone above who has more, more burdens of a different sort,
better quality losses and pains unseen not dreamed of

truth tastes terrible and is awful sometimes noisy painful;
it hides well in the stink of sad exposed to the atmosphere when exposed it turns red humans blue

truth may set you free, free to be what are you are or truthfully
an admission of what greatness you have to release the trick is
use the correct scale, do not let the wrong sized ruler rule you,
the truth, if you hear, hear it unfiltered w/o the bias implanted
by not your people; hear your poet voice growl like a blues singer and be truthfully satisfied like no thing no person only you could hear it as you intended it be spoken

IV   touches of fantasy fantastic
secret confess: touch my fav cause when its juiced with
mental visions of what might be, it Saturday satisfies and let me weep happy smile silly and is mine all mind; yes another’s tip
has sorcerer powers of revelation
but alone by myself I yet
relevate
and flow; my hands are right sized, my arms reach around myself for so designed, and the pleasure is mine to give;
mine to take,
neither better or worse if self-administered,
touch myself anywhere anytime and fantasy over dreams wins,
rise up, touch is a language and I speak six or a hundred;
listen to the sounds of touching and be touched human

V  insights for the sightless

at last we close the deprived
with an elegant elevation
sight overrated when imagination exists,
cannot be restrained
this the revelation
you have proffered and preferred all this time

have pity on me
I crystallize the unseen with the replacements
of my conjuring
the other senses lend a hand
telling me look up look up, be life save life
let your madness blossom in the spring airs,
the coolness of a first fingered ungloved snow
sight,
a mathematical function from the other four derived,
sightless an impossibility for with one alone defeat the
sensory deprivation and give tongues to words

epilogue

read my face
incapable of,
deprivation
but how now silent bow my head to Will
for teaching the way of words
traced upon
a fool or a king's tongue,
two too human,
so that poet may ken
his senses keener,
all for the better,
for the betterment of all
and now you understand how came this poem to be writ
in the pitch black
 Apr 2018 misty
temara
if existence is merely an illusionary veil across our lids
then the inner euphoria that comes with this deception
must merely be a vindication of a life well-lived,
a life well-deceived.

if the misery and despair that drove the slits on my wrist
were simply drifting facades, simply an imitation of tangible grief
then which part of my suffering am I supposed to believe
was a concrete part of the life
I assumed that I lived.

if so,
why do we plainly disregard the ticking clock set upon our souls
the unrelenting countdown to our demise,
and commence the futile cycle of attaining earthly affluence
too worthless to transport into the abyss
that charters all that you believed.

what if the breeze brushes your final flame
and no god exists to magistrate your sins
and solely the predicament of non-existence
occupies the nullity of your fading essence.

then is living truly a desolate state
with a hopeless beginning and an unavailing end,
and just the perpetual succession
of a life fully, entirely, deceived.
an existential crisis in literature class
 Apr 2018 misty
temara
Every girl in the kingdom followed her steps,
the way a cub learns to roar when his father bites a neck.
A child from the cold end was asked to reign the throne
by a gold hand. The cost veiled against the velvet curtains,
she was deceived to say yes.

How beautiful, they whisper, sight of rosy cheeks
and soft hair, gems carved into the hem of her dress.
She won’t disclose the violet lesions on her body
after having pledged her loyalty to the blue-eyed darkness
seated on the high throne.

If braids mark beauty, and bruises mark people,
does abuse mark love? The maiden moved the brush gently
through the delicate auburn waves. Better to stay silent,
or the king will have your head. The maiden denied,
grace breeding reason.

The queen wore her crown and directed her knights
to rise. Outside the walls she was glorified whole,
a display of the elite. Inside the castle her command dissolved,
auburn braids ripped off and scattered. After all, the kingdom so desires
a formidable king for power.
 Apr 2018 misty
temara
bed sheets spread and suitcases zipped shut
holding the best of our things, the ones closest
to the heart.

my laptop prepares for a week between rooms
where I laugh in one and drink in the other
while I write about you.

I greet the long empty roads to the airport
and my navigation congratulates a new
distance that we’ve shared.

with (not so) hidden anticipation and
a fresh wave of timidness as my arms
link behind your neck once again.

so we start all over, building caresses
and conversations, lightly once again
to ignite the covered flame.

my nose forgets the gripping scent you bring
that fills my head with a pain your
searching fingers can’t locate.  

your love for books and the details of your eyes
got lost between the texts and calls
from my drunk dialings to yours.

it’s harder each time to let your hand go
and release your body from mine, not knowing
when will be the next.

I never cry sober but when you boarded
the plane, the crucial drive back home
met my tears along the way.

the borderspace between our two lands
force a distance that disappears the moment
I remember the 8am smile on your face.
is long distance more of a gain or simply just pain
 Apr 2018 misty
bs
Untitled
 Apr 2018 misty
bs
Don't go across the world for me
Because I will only find a way to make you leave
Even though my sadness is too hidden to see
I promise you, some nights I find it hard to breathe

Don't set yourself, on fire to make me smile
Because after a while, I will decide it's too hard loving someone who gives me what I desire
And I will only want you to go the extra mile
Though it's shocking to me that someone could love a person so dire.

Don't blame yourself, because I can never trust again
Because I run away from anyone who sees through this grin
And all I think about in this brain
Is that you didn't feel like loving an entity as vile as me was a sin.
 Aug 2017 misty
betterdays
my father died alone.
in a car by the side of a busy road.
a young couple,
returning from a day at the beach found him.
they thought he was asleep,
he had, had a massive stroke.

i went to his funeral.
as a stranger
and heard the eulogy,
of a man i barely knew.
we had been disparate
for over twenty years
and before that sporadic
at best.

i did not weep.

five weeks
and two days later after breakfast and feeding the cats.
i went to open the front door. to begin my days toil
my hand on the lock began to shake.

i broke,

i just broke.


and fell against the door in keening, sobbing, rending sorrow.
i slid headfirst down the white painted surface,
opening a cut against the doorbell.
collasped in on myself, huddled into a heaving heap,
pressed into the corner.

i cried pinktears.
all that day.

i stayed in that corner
staring, crying,
beyond thought,
beyond comfort.

ummovable.

beyond .. .

at that point in my life
i lived alone.
with the exception of my cats.
my misery, abject, so complete. so dark, so ink jetblack, so bereft of life, so remote from love so deep in repression, unlocked. so ferocious in attack, so outrageous in it's anger and sense of defeat had hold of me.

i had lost myself.

it is with pure hearted certainty.
i say these two furry little souls.
with plainitive crys of need and slinking warmth, curling heartbeats and insistent nudge of feline body.
saved my shattered, tattered, beaten soul that night.

i got up.
i fed my friends.
and then went to bed.
turned inward on myself
for two days more
this was my path.
bed.
cats fed.
toilet.
water.
bed.

i gave no thought to the outside.
to the phone calls,
doorknocks,
work,
family,
friends.

my apathy bordering catatonic.
i was locked in chains in stygian hell,
inside my head.

they broke the lock.
my two samaritan friends
and found me
a weeping shell.
guarded by two hissing cats. shocked beyond words,
they instigated help for me .

this was my descent into clinical depression

my acsent
back out of the bomb crater, triggered by my fathers death, was arduous and long.

two days heavy sedation.
two weeks close observation 3months at a sanitorium
years of medication.
months and months of dedicated therapy.( i still occasionally do therapy.)

crawling over jagged glass feelings
and rusted tin memories.
that would lock my jaw and break my back.
through slime and muck and crap.

i would crawl,
mentally, forward
and then fall away.
it was, excruitingly, painful.
but also,

redeeming and liberating,
to fight my way up,
back.
to open new doors.
to learn new ways
of thinking, seeing.

another 6 months,
a completed PhD
and an eventual move
of towns.
had me standing tall.

re-invented, restored more complete than before.

that is my history of depression

now eight years on:
i am no longer on medication.
(5years free weaned under Dr's supervision)
i met, married and had a child with the love of my life.
i have great career doing mostly what i love.

i am no hero, just a survivor.

i have a small ragged scar at my hairline,
a rememberance of less than betterdays.

i want no sympathy,
my life rocks.

i live life,
with love and gratitude,
in the forefront of my being,
each day an adventure.
some are blazingly good,
some mediocre
and some are bad.
but always,
tommorrow, is a chance of sunny.

i write this to encourage
those in the mental fight
with this disease.
to show that, there is a bright, enduring light.
beyond....

and to thank those,
who guided me toward,
it friends, family, doctors,
and furry ones.
this work is now a couple of year, old. still doing fine.
 Aug 2017 misty
thehighermind
Did I fell deep,
Into just the idea of you?
Or is it,
The idea of being alone,
Terrifies me.


The shape of you,
The smell of you,
Being all around you,
Reminds me of being alive again.


Not knowing everything about you,
Made me wanna know more about you,
But just as I was about to know the things about you,
You left me all alone, without you.


Now I'm here,
Shocked at the things about you,
Because when you were around me,

Nothing else matters,
Except being with you,
and


only


you.
 Aug 2017 misty
Josh
A requiem
 Aug 2017 misty
Josh
The bells ring out, their sonorous toll
To speed, upon its way, your soul
Your life, too short, yet full of plenty
Dear are you, in our memory
Always working, striving for more
With a humour, we did adore
You, do not, deserve this strife
And yet, look back upon your life
Much laughter, now, too, tears
I, and others, for your life, smile
Now, for your death, we cry
And yet, I fancy you would not
Wish tears, so I'll smile
And fondly, as the years pass
Think on our shared while
My great uncle, your mischievous smile
Your youthful abandon
I will miss you dearly
Now that you are gone
Here, for you, a requiem
To soothe your startled soul
Lift you up, to higher things
Not a six by twelve foot hole
Alas, it is goodbye now
In peace, great uncle, test
The once light eyes, are glassy now
The heart, still, in your breast
And now I can form no more words
Go, be at peace, out of this world
Rest in peace, and not mischief
To you, great uncle, farewell.
A piece for my great uncle. Who died yesterday. Rest in peace. You will be missed.
 Jul 2017 misty
Josh
Untitled
 Jul 2017 misty
Josh
You're like smoke.
You take my breath away
You numb the ache
But i can't hold you
I don't want to let you go
But I'm not holding on
If you'd rather be gone
Like smoke on a midnight breeze
Darling, won't you stay?
Ramblings because I am a ****
Next page