I look happy, don’t I?
there are no cuts on my wrists
all you see
is the smile on my lips
maybe even a spark in my eyes
and all you hear
is me telling everyone i'm fine
maybe even a laugh once in a while

but when will you look deep into my eyes
look beneath the spark and the blue color
see the emptiness and the darkness in me

   when you will realize
the smile is a facade
i'm not happy, it's fake, i'm hiding my tears
   when you will see
the spark is a blur
i'm not happy, i’m on the edge to tears
   when you will hear
the laugh is a scream
i'm not happy, i’m choking on pain

did you check my heart? it’s filled with scars

*(s.m)

Sometimes I appreciate pain. It is the only gift from you to me.

Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **

Wonderland, Wonderland
Why do I keep coming back?
Is it the giant mountains
Or the flowing streams?
Wonderland, Wonderland
Why do I return?
Is it the people there
Or my love for Wonderfood?
Wonderland, Wonderland
Why do they hate me?
I walk, they scream
I talk, they beat
Wonderland, Wonderland
Why can't I be perfect?
With pretty hair
And big doe eyes
Wonderland, Wonderland
When did you become a twisted place?
Was it the screams
Or the nights of crying?
Wonderland, Wonderland
I don't know you any more.
With your ferocious monsters
And sniveling thieves
Wonderland, Wonderland
This is the end for me
I'll jump the bridge
Or pop the pills
Underland, Underland
I hope you welcome me
It was a quick ride here
I hope they know what they did

More blood drawn for no apparent reason.
Things may be okay, but I am not.
My body will be my canvas, that nobody will see.
My scars will be a masterpiece, but only in my dreams.
I want the pain.
Or is it pleasure?
Since I get so much joy from the crimson blood forming on my thigh.
I am a *******.
I want it, I need it.