There's this thing about worship
that I often forget.

You see it's not just this thing
that we do on Sunday.
It's every day;
Every breath and movement of our hands
is done because we understand
that God's grace is not a prize we won.

It was a selfless giving of His only son
that He gave to rend our chains undone
and bring us into relationship with Him
by the victory over sin that we proclaim He won!

Yet somehow life still becomes some kind of rat race
trying to appear holy and saving face
with no admittance that we still need grace
and our response to that grace just kind of...

Disappears.

And then I wonder why I don't see His face,
why I'm not moved by His Word
why I'm not changed by His grace.
I wonder why I don't want Him around,
while my wrists are secretly bound
with shackles I like too much to take off.

But on Sunday morning I pray to be free
to realize that this Jesus did die for me
so that I could be with Him where He is one day,
yet day to day, I almost never say

God, I need you, and I'm not okay.

And I know it doesn't have to be this way!
I know He gave His Spirit, He promised that He'd stay
With me until the end of the age
and even in my deepest darkness His love for me is still the same
But God, oh God, I'm so ashamed
of all the things I've done while periodically praising Your name.

But there is no condemnation from You, You say.
You invite me to turn and run away
Into your arms and that I'll be changed--
That You will give me a new heart
and remove all of this shame
If I'd just confess my sin to You, You'd take the pain.

So I beg, and beg, that every day
My response to You would be the same
To run to You and admit my need
For Your grace, for Your love
above everything.

That I'd never not be responding
with my life, my work, and all my talking
to the Christ that stepped into time
to make me His, and make Him mine.

i stand there
watching over
like an idiot i am
hoping we are together
dying slowly
only idiots
like you
cannot see
how i wish you
tell me the truth
God just tell me
if
we aren't really
meant to be
so i can stop this stupidity
hopeless
**** curiousity
that brings me closer to you
God please
prevent
me

Someone please, help me.
I'm in little broken pieces
On the ground.
Like a doll,
Angrily thrown by
A grieving mother;
A mother that lost her little girl.
I am that little girl, I suppose.
In some form or another,
My mother has lost me;
So has my father,
And my sisters and friends.
They don't know where
The happy, lovely me went.
I've been replaced by pain,
Depression, and dark thoughts.
I wear a painted face,
Just like a doll,
That hides my pain and sorrow.
I don't want them disappointed
In the new me;
The one that has consumed
All of the good and love,
And replaced it with harm and anger.
Someone please, I'm begging you.
Shatter me against the wall.
Make me the target,
Because I deserve it.

King of the house hosts a royal crowd, a ring surrounds his post, all loyal to the crown bounds a herd of proud mammals from all around the world.

Chameleons in the jungle locked changing colors hide
As the lions on the rubbled rocks hanging out and sigh
A passing fly mumbles talk both meat & leaf eaters sufferin this life
Feeling the struggle at the top parrot says free your mind with words it's worth it share life with those at rock bottom and those in cloud nine.

As chirps of birds protesting the parrots' wise lines
A chameleon disappointed us all wasting all our time
Heard from the rest of the herd he tried to join us then sighed,
That white water rapids entered the river to the red sea after one year of rivers clean.

Whenever we leave and life ends:
We never forget family and friends.

.
I visioned you,
With her in fields
Of long green grass
Underneath the sun.

I watched you,
****** each other
Like shears to a lamb
Naked and joyous.

You left me here,
In the plots of blade
And purple thistle crown
A princess undone.

I will nay curse you,
Nor she who destroyed
Me as I was once alive,
Woke under your spell.