my life is like a coin
wherever i goes
whatever happened me
as long im still existing
im still me
still the same worth
nothing can change that
They will never learn how hard it was for you to wake up everyday with anxiety in your body and demons in your soul
They will never learn how hard it was for you to avoid yourself from asking too much questions that was running wild in your head till your palm felt damp from your anxious sweats.
They will never learn how hard it was for you to tell yourself that it will be okay till you even lost your counts of how many times you said that to your **** shaking body.
They will never learn how hard it was for you to avoid humans to calm yourself but have to face everyone in public when being a student is all about talking and meeting and presenting and representing.
They will never learn how hard it was for you to face everyone without feelings that the others thinking that you're a coward and a freak and not to forget, a ******.
They will never learn how hard it was for you to walk in public even just for 50 freaking meters and don't denied that you even try to figure out of how to walk that freaking meters without being seen.
They will never learn how hard it was for you to push aside of what you feels starting from a slight hurt to a ****** wound just to let your friends satisfied even when they were lying straight to your face and you actually know the truth.
They will never learn how hard it was for you to accept yourself or be yourself until they gave up and left and you became toxic and they claimed themselves as the know-it-all friends to others whenever something happens to you and not to forget, spreading your little depressed stories to others and tell them how hard they tried to change, I mean 'help' you to be better but it just you that never had the effort and just wanting attention.
They will never learn how hard it was for you to stand up for yourself and for the ones you love.
They will never learn how hard it was for you not to scream at yourself of how ugly you are, of how you hate yourself, of how you hate yourself for having anxiety and of how you try not to cry yourself a river and break the mirror every seconds you look at one.
They will never learn how hard it was for you to hold yourself from breakdowns when you successfully open up to someone until your friends met her in silence just to tell her to walk away from you.
They will never learn how hard it was for you to avoid yourself from searching the symptoms of anxiety and tried to deny the fact that you actually ticked most of them
They will never learn how hard it was for you to hold your shaking hands and legs below the table whenever you nervous until your breath hitches and everything turns black
They will never learn how hard it was for you to talk in public without going to the toilet the next seconds to slap yourself of how idiot you look in front the others
They will never learn how hard it was for you to not locked yourself in the bedroom and scream in the pillow and knock your head on the wall when everyone was in their deep sleep.
They will never learn how hard it was for you to hold yourself from stabbing your weak body with a knife every second you live
They will never learn, never.
the soft cloud she step on now
is the heart she forgot to embrace
the cloud that never forget to raise her stakes
is the heart she never appreciate
her fear she faced on
is the darkness he brightened
the light he fixed with the blood fall from the cuts
deep down with glass pieces beneath his skin
is her tears he hold for her
he let it cuts and bleeds him
the soul that takes her pain away
is the soul that she slap away
and the cloud finally goes away
until she realise
that he is the
one who stay
but its too late
to say the words
society thought she was faking her emotion to beg for attention
they forgot to take a glance on her signature fake smile she wears on her tired face like every single day without them realising
but she was judged for a day of mental breakdown,
expressing her inner self, and thoughts
the person she hid so well before,
and for being real
for being herself
for her fragile heart
for her wet face and dark circles
for her fear of people knowing things about her
she** killed every part of me
she pulled me into a dark tunnel, away from the crowd
she would never let me choose
my appetites, my daily routine, my mind, I do as she pleased
she told me how much unwanted I am, how much hatred I received and how much flaws written on me
she promised me that I wont get hurt if I stand away from the crowd
but she make me suffer with insecurities and shutting me out
I became mute
I cant talk
my voices and soul are sinking in my body
I was trapped in me
I was trapped by her
in my own body
because she is anxiety
i hope for your hand so i can feel better
not a weight more, on my shoulder
i hope for your ears so i can tell
not become the joke of the town
because of your untruth spell
i hope for your legs so you can guide me when i fall
not to be kicked out and be your ball
i hope for your mind to be set
so all of your memories and history of me will be flat
knowing you are nothing but sadness, pain and full of regret
take this pills
take this water
it give me chills
I feel better
it brings me rainbow
Brings me hope
my body feels numb and
I take over the globe
this isn't reality
and no one can see
so here take some this
my happy little pills