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4d · 66
It's 1:02am
Mims 4d
And I am holding hands with my depression while it screams into a microphone
It's used to being center stage
The center of attention
Poking, proding
I'll kiss my love on the lips and it'll tug at my shirt whispering
"I'm still here"

It'll grab at me on car rides
Pinch my walking down the street
Make my nose bleed in bookstores
Break my fingers in urban outfitters
"I'm still here"
"I'm still here!"
"I'M STILL HERE!!"
Slowly getting louder as I try to push it down

Sometimes I muffle it
Quiet it
But I can never completely silence it
My hand slips
And a battle cry is released into the night
the duct tape wasn't tight enough
Or maybe my grip

I guess I stopped kicking it eventually
Stopped fighting it
Stop tying it
It was
The thing I kept in my basement but instead of me trying to make it stay and it trying to escape
it fought me to be cemented in my mind
taking all my resources starving me emotionally

Maybe sometimes physically

I accepted that it was a part of me

I let sing to me
Occasionally
After all
We're both in the basement
And we're

bored

It would sing things
Hopeless,
Frantic,
Scary things

They don't like you
There isn't a point in breathing it's mundane, it's uninteresting

You have hurt so many people and been hurt by so many people you're beginning to forget where the line is
And which side you're on


If she knew you now
She'd be disappointed
But she's dead
She died before you tried to let her learn who you grew into


They'll all die

You'll die

We are all just putting off the inevitable
Isolate yourself


You know you're happier alone
You know he doesnt really love you
So stop answering the phone



One night
My depression took out a knife
And slit her thighs
I was asleep but she bled on me all night
And in my dreams

I knew the warmth was from tragedy

Though I never bled with her
I let her keep me red

Keep me angry

"You'll never have a dad!" she yells.

"You'll never go away"
I frown at the shriveled little body of memories and chemical imbalances and tubes and guts and hearts and other dismembered parts
And I think

I've known you for so long
But i've never really looked at you

I am surprised
How different
How separate
We are

You grab me
Poke me
Yell at me
Hold me
Hurt me

But you

Are not

Attached to






                                 Me.
This poem could've gone so many different ways, but this is how it ended up.
6d · 452
Low
Mims 6d
Low
Cold
I love him
You don't
I want him
You don't

Love, surfing
High tides
But when it is low
Where does the love go?
I'm so selfish
Mar 17 · 213
Seperation Anxiety
Mims Mar 17
Please,


please don't leave.



...
Grief
Mar 13 · 172
Miss...
Mims Mar 13
My heart will never skip a beat for your name again.
...Fire
Mar 8 · 1.4k
Empty
Mims Mar 8
Eyes are the window to the soul,

But what if,

You don't have one of those?
Cold
Feb 15 · 101
Valentine's Day Part 2
Mims Feb 15
Suger kisses
Silly crushes
Candy hearts ask
"Will you be mine?"
Wandering eyes
A glance at her thighs
Thorns on the roses in the bouquet you bought yesterday
Two things that can pierce
And in between
Two things that bleed
Heart shaped cardboard boxes
Filled with chocolate
And caramel
Walking through target
Commercialised, consumerisim
And everyone likes talking about how
This holiday is what it is for more sales
Than romance
And its true
Sugar hearts do not equal ancient love
But we love to spend
Money and time
On someone we love
Or someone we are saying sorry to
Maybe its the same one
Humans are so cute
Making cards
Red and pink
And surprising with favorited
Chocolate things
But today is take out
The girl your 'one true' doesn't know about
Or maybe they do
But choose not to mention it
Because maybe they
Really

Love,

You.

Lacy black things
Long receipts
Long nights
Not at the office
Where you claim to be
Let me ask you
Were the flowers for her

As large, and as beautiful,

As the flowers for me?
Things I hear about in wine tainted conversations between the wives
Feb 3 · 143
Glow
Mims Feb 3
I'm not saying you made all the bad stuff go away!
I'm just saying!
You made me not care if it was there...

There was so much wrong in my head

I'd stare at the ceiling, lying in bed

Trying to figure out why my brain leaks out of my ears if I hear a certain song or
why when the sun hits me just right I get triggered for too long or
why in all my relationships I couldn't move on or
how the ******* priest thinks he can preach to me saying daddy never left and that's why you love buying Christmas trees

Family

A word that fits weird in my mouth
a word with a different meaning behind it than everyone else

they say blood is thicker than water but they both run in the river after you jump...

hold the edge of the bridge

hold my hand

feel my ribs

look deep

jumping was never in my plans but death felt like the option at the end of the tunnel for me

just exist

don't get ******

let the love wash over you
let the fear and drama drive you

let it make you want it so much more

I knock on your door twice

I used to dream that it was his but then I realized he, wasn't it.

God, fought so hard, never did anything but kick up sand now I'm trying to fit the love of my life Into my 20 year plan

it changed so fast sometimes I feel my love lag he's moving onto the next episode and I'm not passed the intro..

buffering

That's all this is, is buffering.
And if you wait long enough.

You'll unfreeze

trust me I know,


and I never trusted anyone but me.
The light at the end of the tunnel is not in fact a glowing exit sign
Jan 25 · 277
*
Mims Jan 25
*
I'm trying to be happy with the little corner of the universe I can control

I can not manipulate the night sky to call me back after 9

I can not ask to borrow the Moon's favorite dress

I can finish that book

I can wear those jeans

You

Have not taken

Everything

From me
Healing
Mims Jan 14
Put the laundry in the washer
Turn it on
Twist the silver dial
delicate

Get the rest off of you floor
In a laundry basket
Years worth
a large collection of cloth things

Drag the plastic baskets down the basement stairs

You're halfway there

Carry the ***** dishes
Armfuls and sticky fingers
But at least you were eating
Even if some days its just mugs with dried tea bags you are accepting something into the shell you become

I sit on the floor
And start putting markers back into my craft drawer
Thinking about how she liked to draw
And how she was so good at it
But she will not live long
With her condition

I shake my head
Pick up candy wrappers and place them in the trash
I think about how my 92 year old grandmother is dying more everyday
And I haven't seen her in 3 years
Family difficulty

I carry the trash bags down stairs
And wash my hands three times

Fold the laundry

I do this every few months
After midnight motivation
Comes
And I'll take anything I can get
I lay in bed
Took a sleeping pill so I wouldn't have to deal with my head

The melatonin makes the nightmares go away

And that's because I can't stay up late enough to become scared of my brain

I can't control anything

But sometimes I can

Clean

....
Jan 9 · 106
changes
Mims Jan 9
I was her,
the girl in those poems you wrote
the girl you lied to
the girl you wanted, but never enough
the girl you argued with when you were lonely, or bored
the girl you made up with just so you could do it again

I trailed you
obsessed over you
some of those poems were true
but I know they aren't about
me
anymore
you said one day I would laugh at them. I didn't believe you until now
Mims Jan 6
You want to do Cold and Distant?

Fine,

But I've done Cold and Distant before

And I'm better at it than you are
I don't wanna play this game please just kiss me and say its all okay
Dec 2018 · 68
Ghosts
Mims Dec 2018
Are not shadows in windows
But whispers of lost things on the late drive home

Seeing myself walk the side walk down the empty street
To your house
I still remember the inside

But we're driving
Not walking
I'm watching
Not existing
Another dimension

And it doesn't matter anymore

I'm not scared of the promises sewn into the carpet on my Aunt's living room floor
I hear them occasionally in a song
Or a joke
And I think about how maybe they could've been real

But I don't have proof
No photos
No witnesses
Just a letter I never sent
A poem unwritten
Blood on the pavement
A candle not burning


Anymore.



Not haunted
Just

Observing.
Personal
Dec 2018 · 75
No Point To The Pen
Mims Dec 2018
"What's the use of writing it all down?"
She said.

"I'm just trying to keep it out of my head"

"****** girl"

"****** me?"

"You know how to ******* read."
Mims Dec 2018
Seasonal depression
Opens the wound
Again

Can't go Christmas tree shopping
Or ice skating
Without noticing the
Chasm

I'd give almost anything

Just to feel loved
Like that

For a day.
Why did you have to **** so bad
Why did you have to be abusive and yell and be so scary
Why did you have to make mom
File for divorce
Why couldn't you have just been kind and gentle
For me?

Why wasn't I

Enough?
Nov 2018 · 702
.
Mims Nov 2018
.
I miss being friends
Were we ever friends?
I miss being in love
Did I ever love?
I miss the fighting
I miss the passion
I miss the heat
The pain
The healing
The art
The late nights
The wondering

The writing


But,
Was any of it ever really there?

-Disecting
Mims Nov 2018
All that I am
All that I was
All that i'll ever be
Will never make sense to anyone

Not even me
"Felt it in my youth, I'll feel it when I'm old"
Mims Nov 2018
"Having someone doesn't mean ****"

"The loneliness doesn't go away with someone sitting next to you"

"If someone says they 'love you' it doesnt make you love yourself"
Deep conversations with strangers that are maybe considered friends by the end
Mims Nov 2018
In the wake of our love

We were both so broken

And so
Young
"Flipping through a little book of *** tips, remember when the boys were all electric"
Nov 2018 · 147
Did I Forget My Own Name?
Mims Oct 2018
The Bird is never still
Flying from one topic to the other
Her chatter loud and uncensored
Her friends twittering at her to be quieter
The Bird has many friends
But Birds always sleep alone
And cold
With their hollow bones

The Fox is the Bird's friend
The Fox is tricky
Weaving in and out of conversations
Gorgeous
And sleek
The Fox makes rabbits fall in love with her so she'll have plenty to eat
The Bird and the Fox are unconventional friends
Friends no one would think would click
But the Bird will chatter and chatter and the Fox will quietly sit
Listening to everything
Retaining information

The Chameleon is the Fox's and the Bird's mutual friend
When with the Fox they match their red
When with the Bird they match their blue
And so on
So no one really knows the Chameleon's true colors
Whoever you are
They'll match you
Blending in
A social camaflouge
That they think keeps them safe

And when together they are quite
A sight
Wandering loudly
Through the night
They are a strange group
And when together they're tight
Exchanging advice
Or judging each other

But never outright


You'll never catch the bird
But be careful if you do
If not gentle with your touch
Her bones will ***** right in front of you

The Fox puts on a face
Bearing teeth and changing mates
But under all that glossy fur
She's scared that you won't want her

If you catch the Chameleon off guard
You might be surprised
What you see is never what you get
But if you look real hard
The chameleon will freeze and fall down to their knees
please, please, just like me

......
A tale of a friend group
Oct 2018 · 321
10/27/18 11:32pm
Mims Oct 2018
If I were to tell you something...

And have you understand it..

Like really understand it...

I'd tell you,

Grow up but don't give in

Move on but not away

The people that promise they'll always be there

Never stay
Passing knowledge
Oct 2018 · 200
10/26/18
Mims Oct 2018
When I layed
With her body against and on my body
Her head just under my chin on my chest listening to my heartbeat
Her light brown hair with hints of red when it hits the sunlight just right
against my skin
Steady breath compared to my uneven, nervous,
Her hand across my stomach
Rising and falling
My fingers tracing circles on her back
Like I sometimes do with him
Our strong legs tangled
Worried if I move she will shift
Like a cat that has fallen asleep on your lap
And is
So warm.

When I see you
I feel so warm
Heart leaps
Come talk to me
I see you
Working at the library
Or every night at dance class
And you like that I flirt with you
And you like that I like girls sometimes
And I like that you like girls all the time

But you are slightly out of reach
Me, tied to another
You, tied to nothing imparticular
Him, I love him, but....

Tonight I push these thoughts out of my head

Tonight we are one body

More intimate than ***

And it didn't last that long.

We were in a room full of other people watching a horror movie and pretending to be scared so we could touch each other innocently...

but I'll never forget your warmth,

Or your hair

Or that couch

Or what we did there.
I've never had love before, now I have too much.
Oct 2018 · 154
Untitled
Mims Oct 2018
you were never in bounds
so many reasons
but i still want you
for so many more
"she, smells like lemon grass and sleep"
Oct 2018 · 382
Reality check
Mims Oct 2018
I know you're laughing at me right now
I can feel it
It makes me hate you
Which is what I needed
I needed to remember it was just you. Some random guy. Not present in my life.
Oct 2018 · 69
"Hi"
Mims Oct 2018
They
Their
Them

Impersonal
Personified
Don't care

What
Why
Where

How could I
how could you
Why the **** did I?

.....
Drunken regrets, every time.
Mims Oct 2018
Hold me
Don't let go
Kiss me slow
I want all of you
I've tasted every inch of you
I know your brain
Inside and out
Your thoughts your fears
The people you love and the ones you dislike
You never talk bad about anyone
And you're so ******* funny
And you let me hold your hand and ramble about ****** ****
And you let me be weird and be sad
And vent about what I'm going through
What i've been through
You let me talk endlessly about people who have hurt me and I return the favor
You make me ramen on the cold nights
You love to touch me
My shoulder
Or my cheek
Grab my ***
Make me laugh

You tell me everyday,

You care about me.
Being happy makes some ****** poetry but I don't care
Oct 2018 · 1.4k
Can't Help It
Mims Oct 2018
There's things that I don't say
In between kisses
And bowls of ramen noodles
On weeknights

There's a quiet sadness settled behind the couch and on the inside of my ribcage during our twilight marathons
On the weekends

Things left
To hopefully be forgotten under the bleachers at your soccer games
I go to whenever I can

It hangs with your hoodies in my closet
In the pit of my stomach
It's small but I can't stop it
And it takes me out for days at a time

I see you every day
But sometimes I am distant
In a different way

It's been done to me
And I'm sorry I'm doing it to you
I'm trying to phase the disappointment that has nothing to do with you
Out of my life like cycles of the moon...

The stars are ours
And that is true
I've never felt like I do when I'm with you
But I tried to tell you
I don't think
You completely understood
You have never felt
Such a sadness before.
.
.
.
.


"What's wrong?"
"Is something wrong?"
"You would tell me if something was bothering you,

Right?"


...
Listen to, in my mind by, dynoro while reading this. for the full effect
Oct 2018 · 176
Untitled
Mims Oct 2018
"What are you waiting for?"
.
.
.
"I'm waiting for you to regret it"
Oct 2018 · 162
Untitled
Mims Oct 2018
"I don't have a good answer for you, really"
You kiss me
"I don't get involved"
I run my fingers through your hair
"People are too messy"
I fell for your everywhere
"I think friends is best"
You kiss my neck
"I don't get too close"
I take off your shirt
"Lets take this slow"
Hold my face don't let go

We are both messy
We both have messy pasts, presents, and futures
We both fell too fast
We both still aren't over our exes
We both needed casual
We both craved intimacy

You were fun
But you couldn't trace the sky on me
I'll never know what that ******* saying means
Oct 2018 · 78
Untitled
Mims Oct 2018
It saddens me to feel the rift
Drifting towards indifference
When the soaking anger dries
All that is left is nothing
Sep 2018 · 119
Taboo
Mims Sep 2018
The words were in my heart
But they could not reach my mouth
That's the thing about taboo
When it's tied
To an "I love you"
Someone make a voodoo doll of me and give it a back massage
Sep 2018 · 272
···One Day···
Mims Sep 2018
One day i'll forgive you for being the way that you are
·
One day I might even stop caring about why,
·
You
·
Are
·
The
·
Way
·
That
·
You
·
Are
·
·
·
...
Sep 2018 · 121
Untitled
Mims Sep 2018
Do you miss me again tonight?
Is that why you're here?
Reading through all the old messages

Again?
Mims Sep 2018
On the couch
Me wrapped up in you
Like some present in the back of a Christmas movie
Heartbeat
Against my skin
This
Must be what it is

On the way home
My head in your lap
Wrapped in the soft blanket you brought so I wouldn't get cold
Staring at the cieling of your father's truck
Your face staring at me in my peripheral vision
Could be the 6th night in a row
That we have been together
And we both know it won't last forever
But your smile sends a shiver down my spine
And I never knew what it looked like
I'd never seen it
Maybe I could imagine it
But I never tried
With you
It came so easy
And I know everyone says that
The same way everyone says it gets better...

I come home
And let out a big sigh
This must be

What love looks like.
Sep 2018 · 166
Counter Productive
Mims Sep 2018
You can't be angry

It's not allowed

You should've gotten those feelings out long ago

Otherwise

They'll eat you up

Again.
"Somethings i'll never know. And I had to let them go"
Sep 2018 · 71
Fake As Fuck These Days
Mims Sep 2018
All these so called friends

But no one's really been checking up on me.
You throw temper tantrums
You say I haven't been making sure you were okay as much lately
When you have never
Done that for me
Sep 2018 · 85
Untitled
Mims Sep 2018
The way you loved me

Was unheard of

Like snow

in the

Savannah
Sep 2018 · 578
Summer loving
Mims Sep 2018
We're both jocks
We come home from practice achy and tired and raw
We both shower and I go to your house smelling like lavender body wash
You spray versace on your chest and your hair is still wet when I get there
I laugh at the bruises on your neck
From me last time
I say hello to your mother and your dogs and complain about how hard I worked and we compare exercises
And how bad they hurt
Then I sit on the couch
Next to you
Your mother is watching some show but she's going to bed soon
Your house is warmly lit
And laughter keeps our faces wide
My family wonders why I love to be here all the time
Your mother offers me food
Like she always does
And I politely decline having just eaten dinner
You put your arm around my shoulder while you ice your knees and we talk about how we **** our bodies up for our passions
But we wouldn't change it for anything
We talk about how we don't want school to start
How we can't believe summer is over

I leave
Usually
Too late
Or too soon
To me and you
Wrapped in one of your hoodies and smelling like your cologne

Then I brush my teeth wash my face and go to bed

Wake up
And do it all over again.
8/18/18
Sep 2018 · 338
Untitled
Mims Sep 2018
He loved her the way people love the rain

They say do

Until they get caught up in it;

And then their opinion changes for a moment
Because how could they know
It was this cold.
Psalms
Aug 2018 · 110
never
Mims Aug 2018
Never have I ever said those three words together and meant them
Aug 2018 · 168
Knowledge From Experience
Mims Aug 2018
But there was love hidden in the
sadness,


I know there was.
It doesn't matter how many people you talk to at the end of the day when everyone is asleep you feel it, you feel alone. No one understands your ****** up brain no one understands why you hide behind all those coping mechanisms. You are the only one. You can never learn love, because you never saw what it looked like. *these, I believe, are the lies you tell yourself before you go to sleep. I know, because I knew. I do it sometimes too.*
Mims Aug 2018
I mouthed the words while we were lying on your bed
Your fingers tracing my arm
Our faces so close
Our legs so tangled
Your eyes were closed
You tell me I am the only person you feel comfortable talking about 'feelings' with

My arm on your neck
I mouthed the words I don't yet know if I could ever say to your face
I don't know if I will ever understand them enough to
"It's different with you"
"It's never been like this before"
We work so well
You make me so happy
"I'm usually a depressed ******* in the summer, but this summer is so different. Not all because of you 'cause that wouldn't be healthy. But you changed something in me."

And I know you're not perfect
And you know I'm not perfect
But together

We're pretty **** close.
Mims Aug 2018
We used to say **** like
I should've kissed you

Now all we do is ask for nudes
But now that I'm here
I wonder who the **** would want this
Over that
Aug 2018 · 1.9k
A message from you
Mims Aug 2018
You ever look at a message and don't open it
Because you know if you do
You'll have to respond
And you just dont know how to



Right now
He kills me
Aug 2018 · 130
Nothing lasts forever
Mims Aug 2018
I check my calender
I'm running out of time
But they say summer
is just a state of mind

.
.
.
Not even us
Aug 2018 · 725
You Were Wrong
Mims Aug 2018
Did you die?
After you fell in love for the first time?
Did the summer sun soak you up,
Did the moon blow you one last kiss?
Did you look at them and smile,
Because you assumed you were ready for it?
I was wrong.
Jul 2018 · 184
Untitled
Mims Jul 2018
We both have twin holes in our walls
From when we were feeling a little too broken and we wanted something else to crumble and get ripped open from all of the wrong

We get angry
Our mothers agree
Its not healthy
But you're just like me
And I haven't met many people with that similarity
And you miss me
When I'm gone
And you like to write songs
But I don't know how to sing
Poetry is just another outlet
But maybe it's not a good thing
And your body on mine
It was far more then fine
And I made you ask before every touch
You love my hair
I fell for your everywhere
But neither of us are any good at love

So I said no
To the dates and the roses
And everything that comes with teenage commitment
I don't want any of it
But I don't want you kissing

Anyone other than me

I know
I know

I'm so selfish
Yeah its true
Plenty of people that know me
Could
Tell
You
Jul 2018 · 105
·
Mims Jul 2018
·
"I think I'd get sick of myself before I got sick of you"

"I miss you already"

"We can't change the stars"

"You're amazing"

You said all the right things
But it wasn't enough
Jul 2018 · 118
It's Stress
Mims Jul 2018
Kissing you felt good

And that just makes everything more complicated
sorry
Mims Jul 2018
It scared you


I know it did
Blowing in the wind
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