As I lay in bed
Listening to the harmonies of Gaia
The crickets play an ensemble
of strings
Follow by the alto rain that sings melodies of love & grace
Finally the rumbling roar of thunder
A behemoth of baritone brass notes
to disrupt the soothing articulate ending
An ending to remind me of a bittersweet finale
This piece is known as laments of my truly dearest

As I inebriate this broken hollow shell
At the dismal hours
of an aching heart
Tired eyes that only finds comfort within art
Shattered mind
Pieces everywhere
It's all fallen apart
Motionless to where I wander life with only my ear
With the rehearsal of nature subsiding
I'm only left with the drone like monotones of quietness & loneliness

A reflection of the abyss that spirals inside me
Once fallen
Numbness becomes seductive
Just like a black crimson dress
Appealing like a sensual flaming rose, but misleading
as you're pricked by the blackness of each thorns
Like nostalgic memories
Joyful moments that always end with mourns

I glare at the foggy misty window
to see gray faded portraits
Dull without a soul
Gloomy & yet so innocent
like notes played in dissonant
With that extra note that makes you sound beautiful

The night soon creeps at the calm of the storm
A moment to reminisce
the day I laid eyes on you
the day that ended with a kiss
Malevolent, but fragile in the inside
Like a mirror
One poke to fall apart elegant like
You needed someone to love you...

As I wake up to nightfall storms
A reminder of uneasiness
As if the storm was telling me to never forget
As if the storm was the manifestation of woes
A reminder that it was real...
Just one more moment to have
my hands feel your pearl like skin
Your velvet & golden eye...
Finally your goodbye
Taken away by vines
You told me it'll be just fine
Resonance that echo
a broken man

Finally your demise...

From the days I've always held your hands
To every drop from the sorrowful
waterfall
From beautiful paleness to crimson illness
Night to day
Sunlight ray
Love like rich soil
Hollowness finally at bay

Beautiful like a porcelain doll
Like a sunset from a mountain fall
Memories of a blissful past
Emotions sustained like an icefall
At long last
My truly dearest...

From the summer breeze
To the autumn fall
The winter night
An endless darkness
I wish to see the light

Pain from a raven's claw
forceful despair
As if it was divine law
Distastefulness
From a tainted pear
It's too much to bare...

As the last leaf falls from the oak tree
Only a skeletal structure remains
From its former beauty
A monolith of youthful & elderly
Like funeral roses
Dying in many poses
Red scarlet child
As the last petal falls
One last breath
At long last death

Mourning rainfall
Soft spoken lullabies from the wind
Lamenting days that ceases to
exist anymore...
Upon the ocean shore
Whispers of the waking dead
Midnight blue moonlight
Symphonies from the ocean floor
Alone at last
With my truly dearest
Ruby diamond eyes
No more frightened cries
Promise me you'll never leave again
Promise me you'll always stay
forever...

The irony of fond memories
Suppressed by alcohol
Dreams I love & hate to recall
Something so beautiful
Like the breeze of morning fall
Autumn days
Enchanted by spiced pumpkin haze
Lost in motion
Nostalgic emotion
Innocent days
Artistic comfort
Lullabies day & night
My mind left to wonder
A forest of hollow
Wind that tells me
it's okay to sorrow
It's torture because
it's beauty that was real
Now it's something
I can't touch, but only reminisce about
If I only had one more day of my youth
I would indulge
Treasure every second...
If I had one more chance to enjoy that feeling again...
Maybe I won't be drowning my thoughts to sleep
Spinning in a blurry world
Until I start my day & night
The place I called my home
Now a wasteland
A place I would come & make sense of life
When I fell on my knees
Now it's obsolete
I can't feel that love
I can't feel that joy
I can't feel that comfort...
All gone
Like I said
A wasteland
Just there to exist without purpose
8 years
Of dwelling
In the idea of a nice fall
One that won't feel so excruciating
One with someone who loves me all
Until then
These memories are just notes of a soothing violin
Notes that will eventually disappear in the vast twilight
of the past

Maybe in some other lifetime we can be together
Somewhere along the road our souls will remember who we were in the previous life
Beneath the moon
Night blue shaded sky
During summer nights of June
To hear your voice and never say goodbye
We gaze
We love
We listen to each others heartbeat
We indulge this night
Reality is out of sight
Time ceases to exist
In this heavy mist
Of ecstasy
You are my remedy
Blessed  
You are my serenity
I must confess
Heavy breathing
I love your melody
As we lay side by side
Ashes to ashes
The children of the night
Sing lullabies
Sound asleep
Breathless
Underneath the sky
I love you
Now we can die

I've been thinking and reading a lot recently
People who claim to be enlighten
Are not really enlighten because
Enlightenment is about being one with everything
Enlightenment is seen as knowledge & awareness
I guess the “spiritual people” lack an understanding
Of duality
That life is based on good & bad
Enlightenment and being one with everything is accepting
Both the horrors & wonders of Life
Thus creating balance, which is now “being one with everything”
Instead of waving sacred geometry as the all knowing thing
Or bragging about, “I know the Fibonacci sequence & the golden ratio”
Don’t get me wrong! I enjoy reading about spirituality, sacred geometry, and other marvelous topics
Nor am I bashing people’s beliefs
I just see people misinterpreting the message
A great and funny example that had me thinking was what Palpatine/ Darth Sidious from Star Wars Episode III revenge of the Sith said.
“Anakin, if one is to understand “the great mystery” one must study all its aspects, not just the dogmatic narrow view of the Jedi. If you wish to become a complete and wise leader, you must embrace a larger view of the force.”
That principle revolves around the same idea as being enlighten & being one with everything
If someone was to become “enlighten” he or she has to face the trials of learning to love and also embracing that there is a horror that lurks around us that we are oblivious to see.
I think once someone see’s both sides of the picture is when someone becomes “enlighten”  
Because they understand how both sides work
Enlighten --> duality --> balance
This is how I just view the topic of enlightenment
You don’t have to believe what I wrote
I could be wrong
This was merely me ranting and expressing what I feel lol

I once sat on the horizon of the universe
Wondering the concept  
Of Nature
Seems like a curse
Like a song played in reverse
Incomprehensible
Undoubtedly insensible
To the spirit of the eye
Do I dare to die?
Even if I could
The sounds of men & women
Still stand by…
As if I didn't exist
Do I even exist?
I do feel love & pain
So must mean I’m alive, but
I’m unseen to the vision of others
I can't be heard either
So I must be dead?
I ponder whether reality is real or not
I've lost track of time
Honestly, I don’t know if time is real or not...
I feel the same
And look the same, but I've seen the sentient sphere
Grow from the smallest seed into
The greatest tree of energy and
Into the dust
Drifting away carelessly
To be discovered
Like poems
Stories
And plays
An anthology to knowledge
To become philosophy
And into theology
To cause war
And then finally
Balance
Am I the cause of this?
I ask again, am I alive or dead?
It is said, we are born from something
I came from nothing
I was created by nothing
I wonder, what is nothing?
Is it my mother?
Is it my father?
I seek truth as you do
I seek comfort as you
Am I one of you?
You say I am all that is perfect
That you descend from me
So that must mean we are one entity, but your stories say,
“Nothing is equivalent to the”
And you doubt my existence
Soon I’m forgotten once again
My question again, am I alive or dead?

The atmosphere that surrounds us
A spiral of ecstasy of delusion
Breath by breath
Until time feels obscure
Her shadow sends shivers down my
Spine
A well carved statue
To glance at it
A privilege that fate can only grant
Her perfume
So hypnotic
Brings back memories of past
lifetimes...