They say misery loves company
but i never had a friend
and i didn't know i was alone
until the very end.

When they lightening came down
in the night
and i could see the barn

The cattle screamed
and ran for cover
scared of being harmed.

The sky crackled
the deepest of groans

I stood in the grass
feeling alone.

The lake looked jello
with the ran coming drown

With every breath I took I drowned.

You spoke and it was like every thing
was made from glass.

and your frequency was far to chaotic for my universe

sharp chunks of everything I had worked so hard to believe
embedded in my skin
as the whole of my existance shattered before you
into a thousand tiny pieces all landing in front of you
perfectly aligned
to spell out
life well lived.

who are  you
some mystical being
God,
or who I was meant to become.
How could you
I mean me,
How could I be so far away
as to not notice it was only my reflection
and I shattered it myself.

Stop setting yourself on fire for people who will sit back and watch you burn.

We are friends.
Our bodies are familiar.
My hand knows the creases and lines of your hands.
I have tasted of your lips with mine.
My mouth has traced the distance between your sculpted shoulders.
My body feels you shake when I kiss your tummy.
My nose is fond of your scent.
My fingers have gripped deep into the skin of your back.
My skin remembers the texture of your silky hair.
My eyes capture the essence of your presence.
But,
What does it matter?
What does it matter when
Your body is familiar with many bodies
Your hands hold other hands
You taste other lips
Your mouth traces other shoulders
Your body feels the shake of others bodies
Your nose is fond of many scents
Your fingers grip the skin belonging to others
Your skin remembers hair other than mine
and
Your eyes capture many faces.
And this benefits you
And it benefits the others
And I thought it would benefit me
But,
It killed me.
If you've ever been benefiting to someone,
You have not been their friend.
You have been used as their friend.
With benefits.

Him:* I think it goes without saying that you and I are pretty much already set on being friends with benefits, and I want you to know that I'm not going to fall in love with you, and not looking for a relationship at this point in my life. And there are other people that I will be seeing.

I don't know what love is, but I know these past few days I haven't been able to keep my mind off of you.

Him: And if that's anything you're not comfortable with, or your expectations are any different, then it shouldn't happen.

But I want it to.

Him: But the last thing I want is anyone being hurt, and I feel like the best way to avoid that is making sure we don't have different expectations.

Pain is an old friend of mine...*

Me: Nope, I'm cool with that.