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  Sep 2016 mickaela
Hannah Rose
being alone is
raw.

when
no one can see you,
is the time you can
see yourself.

feeling the pain is
real.

then
you know
that you are
human.
  Sep 2016 mickaela
Anastasia Anderson
Instead of swinging, she rocked side to side
And instead of sleeping, she stayed up all night
Being alone can make you think
And your brain is an ocean
In which, you sink
mickaela Sep 2016
i was afraid
i don’t know why i was
it wasn’t like
i was going to die
with your gun
in my mouth

but you
you should be scared for your life

*** scented voice
slurring along my neck

i was afraid of you
God, i was so scared
even when you were gone
my soul wouldn’t come back

she was trembling in His arms
begging for everything she had already
because she wasn’t ready to lose it all

you were fearless
in front of me
i was just a pretty little girl

tv makes you look so cool
yielding your scythe like a gun
like a badge on your soul
so proud of it

ready to reap and ****
and crunch lives in your disgusting mouth
slurring along my neck
you weren’t even trembling

i wasn’t gonna die
you can’t **** me

but i can **** you
just pull your trigger
go ahead, feel free
and see who it shoots

you gave a command
to tie me up
save me for later

i slipped out
out your grasp

or did you slip
out of mine
out of His?

but you can’t get away
you’ll never get away
with it, with this
with everything you ever did

*are you scared?
just something to get some anger out of me
mickaela Sep 2016
wish i could feel something
wish i could see
what other's are seeing
wish i could listen
to the thing in my chest
wish i could taste
the food i wanted a few minutes ago
wish i could smell
the burning in my head

its a warning
of something worse
why don’t i care?

it feels like a lie
“i don’t care”
it feels like i’ve uttered
the unutterable
i've thought
the unthinkable
done the unforgivable

i don’t know when i killed myself
it must have happened long ago
when i wasn’t even paying attention

too busy laughing at things that aren’t funny
forcing myself to cry
when i'm alone because thats what everyone
who fakes a smile does.

and im not even sad
because the dead don’t feel pain

God this world is beautiful
those clouds weren’t made
for evil things like me

i don’t deserve the beauty i can’t appreciate
but i don’t want anything else

and i feel trapped here
because i don’t want to die
just to switch prisons

you’re crying hard
and i don’t feel a thing

you’re beautiful
and i’m not even jealous

and you’re laughing
and i just give up and stare at you
and you ask what’s wrong
“nothing” i say

and i’m not lying.
thanks for reading
mickaela Sep 2016
From the darkness, thou departed
A crimson chasm of sorrow
Thy tears, a reflection
Of thy mother's misery

I was born with thee
My mother, light
My sorrow, pleasure
Yet, the sun shines on thee

Surely, thou can see
Me, though shrouded in darkness

No, not me
Thou
Can thou see thee
As well you cannot see me?

For though dark, though thine opposite
I was born in light
And light reveals me

But thou
'
The darkness is thy home

Yet, thou looks down on me
Indifference in thy stare
Thou used to fear me
Now I am hardly here

But I am here
Waiting
The light shall reveal me
But I am gone
When thy darkness comes

I t   i s  t o o  m u c h  f o r  m e
Experimenting with Old English. Please point any error I need the criticism for real.
mickaela Sep 2016
I know there are others,
                                                         ­                                                        Like me
                         They are there, searching for each other (and themselves),
                                                    ­                                                            Like me
                                                      I know they are slowly learning the truth
                                                           ­      That, like me, they are not like you

                                                            ­                                                          You
   ­                                                                 ­                            Are you like me?
                                                             ­                    Maybe not, or maybe yes
                                                Maybe, you’d like me, because I am like you

                                                            ­                          But perhaps you aren’t
                                                          ­                       Maybe, you aren’t like me
                                                              ­                     And that’s okay too, you

                                                            ­                                 You are not like me
                                                              ­                     And you are everywhere
                                                    An­d its just like me, to want to be like you

                                                            ­                        You want to be different
                                                       ­                       Unlike me, I want the norm
                                                            ­                    I want to be common...but

                                                   ­        If you were like me and I was like you
                                                  You’d want to be me and I’d want to be you

And, like you, I’d be connected
With the world, related
I’d be like you, associated
With the world, correlated

Like you...I want to be “different”
No,weird.....”Unique”?
Like you, I’d want to be “special”
But isn’t that just odd?

                                                      You know what
                                                        Let’­s just stop
                                                        Tiri­ng, isn’t it
                                                      Confusin­g, silly
                                             Foolish, completely idiotic

                                                    Midw­ay, Let’s end
                                                         Let’s just be
                                                        You and me
I have been on both sides of the spectrum-too weird and too normal. When I felt out of place, I wanted to be normal. By normal, I don't mean boring or whatever. No one is really boring, after all. I mean...you know, normal. Normal?
I know, I don't know what that is either. After I became what I thought was normal, I did feel dull and boring.And it was tiring, pretending to be someone I'm not.

The wise voice in my head told me that I was being stupid and that normal doesn't exist and that everyone is weird and blah blah blah. That voice is probably right. But no matter what, I'll always want to fit in. I don't even want to be 'normal' anymore. Just accepted.

Thanks for reading<3
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