No I am not dead
I attempted suicide but unfortunately failed. I was in the hospital and therefore was unable to log onto this account. I am truly sorry if I worried anybody. Thank you all for the kind messages

~Nicole

I tried walking in the light
But I couldn't see.
The blinding light clouded my judgment
Everything shined
Everything was perfect.

I tried walking in the shadows
So that I could see.
In the darkness, my vision cleared
I could see dullness in others faces
The fake facade of all my favorite places
Everything was dark
Nothing is perfect.

They tell me not to define myself by
My height
My weight
My skin color
The color of my eyes
The state of my clothing
The money in my pockets

But how am I supposed to love
Everything on my insides
When everyone else defines me
By what they see?

You told me not to go back
Alas I did not listen.
Into the past I went
Both fears and bad memories
Staring at me in the face.
Things I'd wish I'd never seen
Heard-
Or felt.
They want me to stay.

Forbidden to leave
And lost in the past
I should have listened to you
I shouldn't have gone back.

See that bed?
That's where he had his heart attack
When my dad was alive.

See that hospital?
That's where he was
When my dad was alive.

See those chairs?
We sat there waiting
When my dad was alive.

See those double doors?
I walked through those
When my dad was alive.

See that fountain?
I used to see it everyday
When my dad was alive.

See that cafeteria booth?
That's where me and my family ate
When my dad was alive.

See that nurse?
I think she might recognize me from
When my dad was alive.

See that couch?
That's where I sat
When I learned
That my dad had died.

Toxic lies
Coming out of your mouth
Your toxic love
Covering me in faux happiness
The toxic substances
I've had to consume
To get your toxic personality
Out of my head

Throughout my life,
All the adults would tell me-
Follow your heart
Follow your dreams

But what I really wanted to hear was
**You know what, Megan?
Forget about following,
How about you lead?