I catch myself thinking
About the sparkle in his eyes
As he pulls me closer
And I just sigh.

I catch myself thinking
About the way his thumb
Caresses my palm
As we sit in the silence
Of my deafening pulse.

I catch myself thinking
About the way we laugh
After staring at one another
And the butterflies
My pounding heart
And widened eyes.

Hello? Oh hi! How are you?
Indistinct mumbling
static crackles
as her face falls,
you can see how the news
affects her,
she seems smaller
and you can hear the sound
of crushed hopes
and dashed dreams
reverberating in her ears
as the blood roars
and her pulse pounds at a sickening
pace.
Well that is... Great to hear... Why did you call?
This question
hung in the air
and clung to her fear
that maybe he never really cared..
You can feel the weight of
broken promises
as it permeates the air.
I'm really glad you are happy
Then a click of the phone
and a scent of despair.
You can feel that she has
aged,
a dozen lifetimes
as she whispers into nothing
a bittersweet
Good-bye

I am waiting for
That one day where time doesn't stand still
when your name falls from my lips
the day where your name won't fall from this mouth.
I'm waiting for the memories to lose their power
and the places to purge the image of us.
The day I'm living for
is that day
when I hear your name
and I won't feel a thing.
I'm waiting for the pain to dull
and for someone, something
to take your place.
I'm hoping for a savior,
praying for reprieve.
I'm waiting
just waiting.
There was so little from the start,
but my patience is waning
and it's wearing on my heart.

To the people I've left behind...
I'm sorry and
I hope against hope, that we meet again.

It's been a hell of a journey
Pitfalls along the way
And days I thought
Spiraling downwards was the only way.

Turning away from good friends
Committing my sins
Only numbing the pains
As the pain only gained.

I wonder as I wonder
If I had it all wrong
Climbing upwards
And falling backwards.

I'm sorry and
I hope against hope, that we meet again.

How sad is it when a writer cannot write,
                                               a singer cannot sing,
                                                       a dancer cannot dance.
words, melodies, rythms, are all in my head,
then it comes along
                                    BAM! the music is dead,
all of a sudden the fiercest dread,
                                    the strongest depression,
weigh on my worn out chest; opression.

Do you hate me in the way that I hate myself?
I do not think I can continue to live… this way.
I want everything to be all right
but I break every night.
Where is my peace,
my solace,
can anyone relieve this ache?
I am always chosen last.
Why can’t I be someone’s first choice?
I am not.
I have never been.
I am always on the outside looking in.
I am the outside,
I am the fringe.

I'm okay with being not okay, okay?

Love is sweet, love is kind.
Love is torture, love is blind

The weight of her pain
with nothing left to gain
she ended her tears; sent them down the drain.
Thoughts of him nearly drove her insane...

She packed his things
she sings, she sings
and she heard his name
but it no longer stings.
She sings, she sings.

I no longer hate the areas
you used to criticize.
My arms. Stomach.
Hair and my thighs.

I no longer get sick
when I stare deep
into my eyes.

The shape of my face
to the curves from my hips
feels like a poem
that fell from a great poet's lips.

I sing all the time because your words
can't hold me down
won't hold me down

and I smile too,
makes no sense to frown.
My body is glorious
who cares if it's vain.

Do you know who I am outside of church?
There's life amidst death after all.
I'm not a scholar.
I'm not a saint.
And I'll admit
I've professed stupid things,
All in your name.

1 month, 3 weeks
since I have last known your hands as my own
since I last had you body for warmth to hold
since I said "I love you more than you know"
1 month, 3 weeks.
We are strangers with memories
farther apart than we were from the start.
My first kiss, my first love, my first true look into a soul.
1 month, 3 weeks.
how could three years, a lifetime, just end?
how could we be so close, and so far?
how could we be so open, so blind?
1 month, 3 weeks
and I'm finally falling apart
and I can finally cry
and I can finally see
1 month, 3 weeks
Is this what it is to be happy?
Is this what it means to be free?
Is this life?
1 month, 3 weeks
and I'm finally happy.

Love the girl who can't love herself
love the girl
              so that she can learn to love herself
love the girl
              and in time she'll learn to love you too
love the girl
              your strength is her vitality
love the girl
              it'll be worth it, be patient
love the girl
              and she won't leave you
                                             I swear I won't leave you
so, love the girl.
Love the girl who can't love herself.

I love
   hate
    Fume
       Grieve
          Wallow
             Weep
                Regret
                   Cherish
                      Live
                         Laugh
                           Smile
                              Frown
                                 Yell
                                    Whisper
                                     I am beautiful
                              Ugly
                                    Quiet
                                   Loud
                                 Ashamed
                                Proud
                              Guilty
                            Innocent
                           Forgiven
                          Begrudged
                         Hated
                        Loved
                  I'm no one
               And everyone
             I'm me and part of you
          I am just human, too.

I pick up my pen
intent on the drain.
I write 'til my fingers bleed.
I write 'til my wrist is numb.
With the pain of cramping
at the joints,
keeping my mind on point,
draining the pain
to anoint the page,
with the curse of living, again and again
with nothing left to gain.
Emptying my heart.
Draining my pen.

The cold nips at me
bringing with it
a faint memory

many moons have past
rushing through seasons
can we really make it last?

did you know that your the thread
the thread that keeps me hanging on?
did you know it?
did you know that when i dream
your face is what i see?
Did you know it?
did you know that
your my everything?
Did you know it?
You don't, of course
why would you?
you'll never know
I wish I could tell you
just what you mean
to me.
three simple words
sum it up
but its hard
you don't know me
not even my name
that's never gonna change
did you know that your the thread
the thread that keeps me hanging on?
did you know it?

Last night, I met up with an old friend.

Last night, I saw the stars, closer than they've ever been.

Last night, I felt each hot breath and shuddered in delight.

Last night, I met up with an old friend.

Why can't I write?
The words refuse to flow
or drop like rain...
All inspiration stuck
in the great in-between.

I wrote today.
Just to feel how smooth the ink
would flow from this pen.
I wrote and bled it dry.
I wrote today,
Proof I didn't die.
What did I write?
It simply doesn't matter,
all that matters is writing
in and of itself.
Yeah, I write everyday,
but I haven't truly
written.

If Life has taght me anything yet, it is that a person can never have enough notebooks.

I saw you
    looking on through
        seeing the person
Not the who.
All you want to see
    is what appears to be
        Would you dig any deeper,
Just to see inside of me?
Always overlooking
    and continuous mistooking
        just another cycle
of eyes just looking
Don't you know there is more?
    Do you ever want to see past the door?
        But you truly don't care
In fact anything you glimpse, you ignore.

I wonder if going all in is a decision
you think about
plan about
dream about

But I know it's not
when you're consistently
cash broke
out of luck
or out of time

You keep saying you'll get a big break
but I wonder if you would ever
apply yourself
save yourself
plan for yourself

Simply put;
You cannot keep running into things headfirst
and then complain
that your head
hurts.

write, and set yourself free
write, like never before
write,everything and nothing
just write.
write, every emotion
write, til your fingers are numb
write, just write
'til nothing is left.
just write.

One day
I'll be smart enough
To stay
Far, far, away

From destructive foes
But snow is pretty
Until it snows and snows and snows.

Fires burning
Old wooden homes
But the house is me.
And I hate to stay.
And I hate to stay.

I wanna be immersed in my writing.
I want to drown in my ink.
Who else better
can understand me
than paper and ink?

When I thought that my heart could shatter no more,
That was when it tore.

There's a fine line
Between love and hate.

And I love the way
He hates me.

Forever we used to whisper
While Forever was just a vapor
Here and gone
Ripped as far as
the distance in your eyes
We said Forever..
But who knew Forever dies?

I've resigned myself to the company
Of my mirror
She's never left me.
        My shadow knows the truth.
The pain I bear is for me alone.
Why would I share?

"I'm done crying."
As the tears rolled down her cheek.

You are worth it,
someway, somehow.
You are worth it,
I truly wish you could see
just how much worth
you have to me.

| <- this is a line
        A line never ends.
        Line starts with L.
        So does love.
        Imagine for a minute
        My love is a line.

Love recognizes nothing but love.
Pain be ******.

On my way.
Never looking back.
I approach the cliff,
the prospect; black.

I am a writer, but isn't everyone?

Can it really be
that this is me
truly happy?

My eyes meet yours
Do you notice me
in the way I notice you?
Or do you have a different
method of noticing the who?
Do you even look,
when you are seeing?
Can you know,
without believing?