You know,

Sometimes when you hangout with your friends I try,
I try to believe your really doing what you tell me your doing.
I tell myself, "It's okay, I trust him. Don't worry."
A few moments go by.
My mind goes back to those four months,
For months I thought our relationship was almost perfect.
But those months were filled with lies,
Secrets,
Cheating.
After a year, I still haven't' let myself feel it.
I don't want to believe it's real.
I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and it was just a dream.
I contemplate all my questions.
Why did he do it?
How could he do that for four months and come home to me like if everything is fine.
It was completely against anything he has ever said to me.


On days where he kissed her,
Did he come home and kiss me?
Did she kiss better?
Why her?
Was she prettier?
Where did i think you were when you were with her?
& Where was I?


These are the reasons why I can't trust you.
All I wanted was you to live up to your word.
Be committed.

All I got was a liar.

But I can't stop loving you.

I’m not ugly,
I’m unique.
Same way as you are.


© Pax

You called me on my birthday.
Theres a message in my box.
I'm glad that I still have it.
Sometimes I listen to you talk.
It's nice in this long silence
to hear your voice again.
The memories come flooding back
the ones I've kept within.  
They brim up to the surface
and appear upon my lips.
I loved you then, I love you now
though my heart is ripped.