Eventually vices will witness me crow king
cough'n affliction caw hearse courtesy
smok'n since me yay high,
hence appellation (mountain) wheezer
natural set of adult teeth (rotten to the core)  
easily plucked out courtesy tweezer,
this har nonestablishmentarian,
never prevaricator nor crowd pleaser,

whose barreled chest attests quantity
maximum grog, which equals capacity of keezer,
or analogous to quaffing
amount stout beer downed by yours truly
(rough estimation by dickens)
equivalent to hinted wealth of Ebenezer
Scrooge, who could hypothetically
purchase abundant amount of ale.

Above fabrication nonsense yay
figurative hook to grab attention my way
ain't one applicable factual word written,
cuz I take poetic license
with no intended off fence touché
harmless figurative foil
as usual trademark innocent word play
geezer who sports brown golden locks
employs good humor as keyway
to unlock mine mindscape entranceway.

After posting poem comb what may,
drink'n like vichyssoise floundering fiend,
I reluctantly brush aside
male pattern baldness without dismay,
cuz patrilineal genetic trait
shows no happy shiny pate
rather paternal ancestry
somewhat thick with strands
turning sixty plus shades of gray.

The following recounts true account
one hundred purse cent
actual bonafide certifiable event
attested to courtesy one germane gent
badinage represents laughable intent
as he deeply inhales cigarette brand Kent.

Though no physician,
this aging baby boomer
former long haired pencil necked geek
absolutely, intuitively, erroneously, and
unequivocally sensed hair loss (mine),
at first a speculative rumor
not simply rooted in my (ahem) head,
no matter a minimalist groomer

nevertheless, thinning follicles,
upon dawning realization, sans medical
sought relief thru good humor,
though within this balding cerebral noggin
became repulsive as if my scalp
pulled pate rendered as a tumor.

Thus an unexpectedly present surprise
when in private consultation in the guise
as out patient client (early afternoon
December 19th, 2018),
where I did fraternize
and kibitz with the medical assistant

(old enough to be my...sister),
aye did exercise
mild mannered mien mean, aye do patronize
before doctor Rudolf (dearly
reigned) Roth, a practicing
Dermatologist told me no lies

his instant karma knowledge - mainly his
thirty seven years expertise
sought to excise
a prominent non cancerous mole approximately
centered middle of back
a small patch of skin,

he needed to anesthetize
nonetheless, a reassuring persona,
yours truly did lionize
(not merely, cuz
he received a five star rating,
specialist under auspices

of Penn, Medicine)
in Radnor Pennsylvania),
his modest calm did neutralize
any uneasiness, as did his pronounced
humility earn kudos to idolize
such rarely present gentility, and

unwitting capacity did harmonize,
and maximize significance to me,
asper my thinning limp
hair logically rationalize
identified underactive thyroid gland

(hypothyroidism) tubby,
which didst legitimize
no hair brained rooted concern,
hence...less reason to catastrophize',
which for no reason I
wanted to mildly emphasize,
hence choice to apostrophize...

as imagined by cogent, fervent, intelligent,
lucent, occident, reticent, and uneminent
nonestablishmentarian.

The following disquisition initially describes
emotions prior to experiencing corporeal death,
yet unbeknownst to this skeptical atheist, his
anticipatory anxiety stalwart like a soldier
valiantly bidding adieu to Earthly terrestrial
sphere, whence intractable denial of life after
death found such premise turned upside down.

Whence moment thine instant karma expired
coterie of medical professionals henceforth
determined thine body to be dead.

This code blue bone chilling cold winter day
(referring to date this poem originally written)
appeared to indicate this wordsmith forever
dormant, since no vital signs showed any
response, though examination conducted
comprised a rather cursory assessment.

The next of kin bereaved the absence of life
evidenced by last whispery dying and/or living
breath, which found rigor mortis the indubitable
signature of the grim reaper.

Though visibly lifeless, thine aura entered
miasma constituting a fifth dimension,
which primed thine soul.

Prudent outlook of mine crafted Netzero agnostic
belief in hereafter (this from formative years bing
steep pulled within Unitarian faith) immediately
undermined via sprinting spirits of deceased.

Within fingerhut gilt hula hoop ring (cosmic
programmed Onstar mapquest force field) boarded
avast progressive throng (i.e. amidst fluted mist
throve ethereal, kindling spirits swirling
in Plenti full Orbitz.

No more evidence of that once longhaired pencil
necked geek, who fostered nonestablishmentarian
outlook among brother and sister beatniks,
(whereby said generic dork happened to be one
among many capitalone dishabille dressed
Dharma bums.

Perpetually preserved amidst an ethereal sphere,
(whereby witches and warlocks guarded immaterial
discernible willowy wisps), twas here, within which
hallowed dead souls found, scythe lent death stillness,
and an eternal asylum.

Death warrant decreed left
troubadour entombed, but ‘lo dance
Clearwater Revival did BuzzFeed heft
rejuvenation where ghost of this scrivener
premature pronounced bereft
of Linkedin to devilish witch mockery,
who playfully heckled, mocked, and teased
where lovely bones ceremoniously
lowered into graveyard cleft.

which achievement, deportment,
endorsement, and indictment
(more serious than rigging an election)
jump/kickstarts (a divine comedy of errors)
not reason enough
to be deported),
but necessitates more than a facile effort
linkedin to a working knowledge
of familial genetics ofttimes

discovering, revealing, and unearthing
locked up figurative ghosts in the closet,
and/or shocking insights
courtesy vis a vis mapping lineage
of descendents whose deferment
being proactive when deciding
with absolute zero or
very little shadow of a doubt
versus someone analogous

to yours truly (me),
who offtime fumferes concerning
the course of action one will
assertively, decidedly, and proactively take
and keep to their word,
whether the issue in question
rather classed as superficial,
I will iterate after writing
a particular for instance as follows.

When asked (courtesy the missus)
if I ever plan to use the new hair brush
purchased at CVS a short time after
getting substantial lovely locks clipped,
yours truly responded
"when my hair gets long again"
despite promising myself
that donning the guise
of a baby boomer
long haired pencil neck geek
got nipped in the bud,
but subsequently (hypocritically)
explaining to her
the necessity to practice making excuses
lest one forget the delicate art
to thwart due diligence
to maintain irresoluteness.

Whether avoiding taking
figurative bull by the horn stance,
(particularly risky business
if one happens to be
the matador enraging
a monster red eyed bull
by waving red cape
in front of said animal -
analogous to Ke-mo sah-bee)
or evading asking Bill Thurman,
a portly non ambulatory resident
here at Highland Manor,

(whose Tuxedo patterned therapy feline
one of the most common coat colors
for shelter kitties -
a bicolor also called piebald cat  
with white fur combined
with fur of some other colour,
for example, solid black, tabby,
or colour pointed named Corbin
an affectionate loveable kitty,
who administers love bites),
who rightfully owes me five dollars

for asking me to clean his carpet,
but hate to remind said person,
cuz he promised to pay me,
and would rather
he square the marginal debt
(rather than triangulate him
by circling round the issue courtesy the missus)
of his own volition,
and thus resorted
to communicate with him telepathically,
and perchance a whim will prompt him

to leave a voice
and/or text message
gently coaxing poet of Perkiomen Valley (me)
to lend him a helping hand
such as withdrawing cash
from an ATM machine
or whisking boxes away
to be recycled or reused
at Liberty Thrift store or Worthwhile
offering perfect opportunity
to jog his memory nonchalantly.

Knead dull brows knitted;
belief system I cogitate
gearing thee ordinary bipedal hominid
acquiesces to deck the halls
of the mountain (dew) king with boughs
of sister golden haired
sprinkling angel dust
from cremated remains
in bleak midwinter
unwittingly interweaving pagan rituals

tacitly accepted yet quietly jeered
as anathema to march of the kings,
who instilled obedience or death
which layman forswore, whence his loss
of life or limb as mass of cries neared
resounding like tortured souls
self flagellating their inherent
joy to the world,
whereby unsuspecting cynics among
the madding crowd paired
amidst common everyday folk

beckoning ad lib lip-synced first noel
extemporaneously grafting customs
taught when reared
as just a little drummer
boy/girl pipsqueak, since
straying from mainstream religious
parameters scared the silent night
with unimaginable ogres
on the warpath to smite mortal
man/woman with flaming torches
angering unfriendly beasts tiered

inside the city state panning labyrinth
ready for total mortal kombat
while shepherds watched their flock –
as the latter veered
away from getting fleeced
such as this writer,
who might be lambasted
for verging on the brink
of being sacrilegious and/or weird
after forking over a tidy sum
a million bucks? Not by a far stretch.

Please keep on the que tee i.e. hush
regarding this soupy poetic fabrication
bravely bursting buttucks amucks
thus haint wise to mess wit me
lest cha wanna split high knee
a fate worse than death
with hen whoopsy tipsy
daisy excuse employing
faux pas impairment via this Gypsy.

Diabolical harassing lurked
poised – ready to strike yours truly,
when he obliviously frolicked,
during his boyhood carefree
before the onset of self loathing.

Drunk with knowledge
whither hearing, vis (ideally,
liberal commentators I adore),
asper "NON FAKE") news,
more than weather, latest sports score
or reading, (yes of course
out loud applying index finger de rigueur
of right hand as pointer)
poetically mentioned once before
ditto via select publications
(oh...alright TIME Magazine, The Nation,

and/or Mother Jones) all of which boar
like a mellow red bull at four
after midnight, nonetheless, who decrees
(hmm... maybe ludicrous
to ask Jeeves courtesy deplore
able basketcase, but inquisitiveness persists
what body electric discriminates furthermore
freedom of what gets published, or
determines permissible broadcasts
made by Federal Communications Commission
allowing, enabling, and providing galore

of choice morsels pollinating
mass media buzzfeeding popular culture
additionally permitting opinions
shared by *******
investigative journalists,
putting life and limb at risk
nonetheless inherent within constitution delimiter
i.e. bureau to censor radical, subversive, more
treasonous than Socialism
with Iron Maiden on tour
must serve as kickstarter

to stifle: tyranny, mutiny,
anarchy, et cetera and shore
up defenses (perhaps in guise of a
reinforced wall) toward those who ignore
codas defining complex edifice of government
trumpeting defiance, uncivil disobedience,
insouciance, et cetera in an attempt to restore
totalitarianism stripping away inalienable
rights of life, liberty and pursuit
of happiness endowed by a smoothbore!

with pistachio shells April 3rd, 2021
sitting in the exact same chair
yours truly sat three hundred
and sixty five days ago.

Watermelons, grapefruits, oranges...
lobbed at yours truly ruled out,
hence the missus dreamt up bright idea
to enfilade me courtesy pistachio shells.

Rather than just hurl one at a time,
(she who unwittingly helped inspire
contents of reasonable rhyme)
decided to throw handfuls
leguminous encasement
constituting cellulose and lignin,
creating woody appearance and texture.

Spouse trends toward being poor aim
nevertheless still manages
to wreak havoc
upon mine body electric,
I once upon a time
doubting thomas peacemonger became
anarchist overnight whereat
foo fighters claim
beastie boy wedded to culture club
divorce no longer sought
against devilish, girlish,

Jordache versus Levi Strauss
mulish, queerish fictitious dame
prone toward profanities to exclaim
waxes with wicked disposition
her charisma and persona sparkles
analogous to blinding flame
burning with passion
to play Gerald's game.

Said artificial intelligence I activate
courtesy mine overactive imagination,
she occasionally accidentally does berate
divine creator (me), yet more often than not
we feign shunning law and order
as faux vigilantes to celebrate

life, liberty and pursuit of happiness
allowing, enabling, and providing
opportunities to deviate
against nonestablishmentarian
dogma and ethos, I'm gonna estimate
as generally popular

counter culture paradigm
helping to beget, birth and facilitate
iconic nineteen ninety sixties
liberal transition to toleration
within parochial schema
did unwittingly generate
loosening quintessential

conventional racial and ****** precepts,
where obsolete doctrines staid to hibernate
sustaining repressive stereotypical mores
housing totalitarian, racist, bigoted
White Supremacist poisonous bile
doth fester and incubate.

Machinations of maniacs loose ill will
figuratively unhinged **** sapiens
destroy webbed fabric of civilization
domestic hate crimes on the rise
homegrown terrorism beget
vile killing rampages which proliferate
courtesy easy access to guns

triggering pandemic of violence
fueling undeclared warfare
putting innocent lives
within crosshairs
no time for victims to bid adieu
only option remaining for surviving
to mourn slain friends and family.

Grave situation rocks world
as ten commandments get unfurled,
whereby complacent grim reaper
with his signature scythe
within gnarled bony hands
he gamely twirled
since time immemorial,
and will be victor among many spoils

as tumultuous upheaval roils
courtesy reprobate who
brings death and destruction in their wake
giddy with delight at one or more
human lives he/she did take
causing, fomenting, instigating...
grievous sorrow to quake
perhaps someone with my namesake.

Analogous to fire breathing
puffed up imaginary dragon
(in a land called Honah Lee)
ye might rightly think
what the deuce
haunting spectre ace of spades
good fella aiming to be a poet all about,
meaning sexagenarian wordsmith,
this once upon a time jackanapes
presently decked out like cadaverous card

still sporting fine kingly raiment
and crown of thorns atop noggin
impossible mission
to disguise rapscallion mien,
nevertheless mine true harmless colors
glowingly dim meant shunned
buzzfeeding demonic, horrific
malefic tightly coiled asp
symbiotically fostering mein kampf
thru poisonous white fangs,

I strive and stride rite
to live life like good humor man,
until grim reaper
rocked my boat whose death on par
for an impractical joker,
after rigor mortis seized body electric,
hence burial at sea where mates
honored wish of mine on the briny deep
shipped overboard in a casket wrought of oak,
where (yes) grateful dead foo fighter

hoisted into Davy Jones' locker
after one last exhilarating heavenly ****
from potent Cannabis
and draught of stout ale
finally freed me from ills
of a morose lactose intolerant
impotent existence that did yoke
body and mind and set spirit soaring
like aircraft christened
Saint Louis mine being
riddled with angst.

When alive with the sound of music
and robust health
smitten with searing infatuation
to sow seeds of life and white lily
during jump/kick starting manhood,  
when hormonal secretions
found me being
naughty bit player for prime time
innocent untainted puppy love
concerning fecund (she),
the unbeknownst petty heartbreaker
with whom I fancied
and fantasized to pledge my troth
which hand of distressed damsel
never tested to fit mine like a glove,
nor sanctified debauched soul asylum demise
and death be not proud courtesy
Spiritus Mundi above.

Now gnarled arthritic fingers
and bowed back
these lovely bones severely jangled,
when cough that doth wrack
accompanied by thick choking phlegm
gagging yours truly
while lying supine on me deathbed
disrupted with torturous hack
panting like an overworked dog
even after the leash goes slack.

Every end of year
when auld lang syne sung
weather beaten formerly
well muscled skiff wrung
after being subjected
to whims of mother nature
cannibalistic headhunters
interestingly enough poked and prodded
buzzfeeeding me rawbits
eroded taste buds populating tongue

recorded global cuisine
avast webbed wide world
across all four directions of compass
found globetrotter huzzaing
experiencing evanescent,
concupiscent and acquiescent
aborigines far flung,
where couple females in particular
among the madding crowd
of barenaked ladies struck my fancy

amusing themselves with innocent
coy non verbal repartee,
where one in particular approached
with outstretched legions
of extensive alms,
where colorful amulets sported
to stave off superstitious
shrunken skull and crossbones
dangled and clung.

I chose titled topic by a fanciful whim,
nevertheless still consider my knowledge
of aforementioned material slim.

Housing multivarious biomes
register ecological syndromes
whereby constituents of NOAA
Great Lakes Environmental
Research Laboratory writ tomes.

Pellucid pearls in northeastern
North America since planetary birth
Comprise Lakes Superior, Michigan,
Huron, Erie, and Ontario dearth
Largest group of freshwater lakes on Earth
Straddle Canadian–United States border

tethering partial global girth
Constituting 21% of world's surface
freshwater species hearth
Total surface equals 94,250 square miles
And total volume equals 5,439
cubic miles immeasurable worth.

Lake Erie from Erie tribe, abridged form
of Iroquoian word erielhonan “long tail”
Lake Huron named by French explorers for
Wyandot or “Hurons” whence they did sail
Lake Michigan likely from Ojibwa word
mishigami “great water” aka outsize gold quail

Lake Ontario i.e. “Lake of Shining Waters”
shimmering like hammered coat of mail
Lake Superior coined from French “lac supérieur”
"upper lake", an emerald watery dale
Ojibwe people called it gitchigumi medicinal
to cure that, which might ail.

These five lakes each reside in separate basin
Form a single, naturally interconnected body
of fresh water caisson
Linking east-central interior of North America
to Atlantic Ocean akin to an escutcheon.

From interior to outlet at St. Lawrence River,
Water flows via Superior to Michigan-Huron
southward to Erie to avoid a shiver
Finally released northward to Lake Ontario
as like a well taut archer with his quiver.

The lakes drain a large watershed via many
rivers as an Olympic team
Populated with approximately 35,000 islands
this estimate not x stream.

The Great Lakes region contains many
thousands of smaller lakes,
Often called inland lakes undulating in
delving, cascading and brimming
analogous to a fluid ream
Lake Michigan the only one located
entirely within United States
While the others border between United States
and Canada – essentially a liquid seam.

Lakes Michigan and Huron
are basically a single lake,
Sometimes called Lake Michigan-Huron,
combined doth make
Total area of 45,300 square miles (117,000 km2)
Have the same surface elevation of 577 feet (176 m),
Connected by 295-foot deep Straits of
Mackinac Islands splayed like a rake.

Approximately 35,000 islands
extant throughout oceanic like sea
Largest among them
Manitoulin Island in Lake Huron
brushing up against Goliath knee.

The second-largest island is Isle Royale in
Lake Superior to boot
Both these islands
contain multiple lakes themselves
alive with creatures that hoot.

Unadulterated details gleaned courtesy
Mister Google, which website
buried under virtual sediment:

The Saint Lawrence Seaway
and Great Lakes Waterway connect
the Great Lakes to ocean-going vessels.

The move to wider ocean-going container ships —
which do not fit through the locks on these routes —
has limited container shipping on the lakes.

Most Great Lakes trade constitutes bulk material
and bulk freighters of Seawaymax-size
or less can move throughout
the entire lakes and out to the Atlantic.

The Great Lakes also connected
to the Gulf of Mexico
by way of the Illinois River
(from the Chicago River)
and the Mississippi River.

An alternate track is via the Illinois River
(from Chicago), to the Mississippi,
up the Ohio, and then
through the Tennessee-Tombigbee Waterway
(combination of a series
of rivers and lakes and canals),
to Mobile Bay and the Gulf.

Commercial tug-and-barge traffic
on these waterways quite heavy.

Pleasure boats can also enter or exit
the Great Lakes by way of
the Erie Canal and Hudson River in New York.

The Erie Canal connects to the Great Lakes
at the east end of Lake Erie
(at Buffalo, New York)
and at the south side of Lake Ontario
(at Oswego, New York).

The Great Lakes contain 21%
of the world’s fresh surface water:
5,472 cubic miles (22,810 km3),
or 6.0×1015 U.S. gallons (2.3×1016 liters).

This equals enough water
to cover the 48 contiguous U.S. states
to a uniform depth of 9.5 feet (2.9 m).

Although the lakes contain
a large percentage of the world's fresh water,
the Great Lakes supply only a small portion
of U.S. drinking water
on a national basis (roughly 4.2%).

Winter 2009–10 ranked somewhat mild,
the precipitation was below normal
for the Great Lakes Basin.

Mean lake levels then thought
to be slightly below
or at their levels of 2009.

An ice jam in February 2010
dropped the level in Lake St. Clair.

Since the jam got removed the level
has come back to its average.

As of March 2010, the lakes
were at the level, or slightly below,
where they were in March 2009.

The combined surface area
of the lakes equals approximately
94,250 square miles (244,100 km2)—
nearly the same size as the United Kingdom,
and larger than the U.S. states of New York,
New Jersey, Connecticut, Rhode Island,
Massachusetts, Vermont,
and New Hampshire combined.

The Great Lakes coast measures
approximately 10,500 miles (16,900 km);
however, the length of a coastline  
impossible mission to measure exactly
cuz topographical feature not well-defined.

After dark every Halloween
since living social in Perkiomen Valley
for seven long years,
a shrill whistle train whistle
(often compared to the sound
of a bird's call, particularly
a large bird like a hawk or a crane,
due to its piercing, high-pitched
and long-lasting whistle-like quality)
soundcloud heard
from afar clear as a bell,
yet nary a train present
since locomotives stopped running
through Schwenksville, Pennsylvania valley in 1976,
when Pennsylvania Railroad
gave up its rail assets
to Consolidated Rail Corporation (Conrail).

However, some passenger "rambles" took place
from Reading to Schwenksville in the late 1960s.
Matter of fact beginning at the junction
of the Schuylkill River Trail in Oaks,
the trail uses much of the former rail bed
of the Perkiomen Line of the Reading Railroad.

The Perkiomen Trail
created in 2003, often called, the “Perky”,
the trail rolls down the valley
of Perkiomen Creek,
which may have been a reference
by local American Indians
to the surrounding cranberry bogs.

The northern end of the trail begins
at Morrow Pavilion in Green Lane Park,
where trail users can find parking and restrooms.

The 20-mile Perkiomen Trail
follows the route of the Perkiomen Creek
from Oaks to Green Lane Borough.

It connects to the Schuylkill River Trail
and the Audubon Loop.

For most of its length, the "Perky,"
known by many, uses the former rail bed
(as iterated earlier)
of the Perkiomen Line of the Reading Railroad.

Every other time of year
outer limits of the twilight zone
spread dark shadows,
which creep along the edge of night
startling a driver unexpectedly
yet instinctually to veer
away from harm's way
courtesy a nocturnal creature,
now ghost rail activity heard to scare
the living daylights
out of atheists like myself,
who quickly utter a prayer
immediately afraid then jubilant,
cuz prevarication (housed within
a ghastly fashion) my métier,
which brilliant notion
sparked immediately, née instantaneously
after discerning unquestionable choo-choo
within a kiloampere,
a unit of measurement equal
to one thousand amperes.

An ampere is defined
as the amount of current
that flows through a conductor
when one coulomb of charge
passes through it in one second.

Cooped within ancient bodies,
this inhabitant dwells amongst an elder net
of crabby, crotchety, curmudgeonly claque
of old folks, only a portion of population I met
which achey, flaky, kooky motley crue
disgruntlement fed as peevish pet
aye be earnest asper my assessment,
but some (quite frankly) getting ready and set
to lay down their limb mitt less lives,
even those who survived harrowing encounters as a vet.
-----------------------------------------------------------
­quotidian gossipers punctuate air waves while:
sitting, riding, quartering, puttering, operating, navigating,
motoring around on scooters (the sole means of locomotion

for many elderly residents),
whose sole occupation incorporates:
zapping, yelping, yakking, whining,
weeping, verbalizing, venting,
uttering, undulating, thundering,
squawking, squabbling, screeching,
rumbling, rattling, quibbling, quarreling,
prattling, pestering, okaying,
offending, needling, nagging, mumbling,
maligning, leering, lampooning,
kvetching, kibitzing, jesting, jabbering,
irritating, insinuating, heckling,
harping, glomming, gabbing, fulminating,
fretting, exclaiming, emoting,
denigrating, damning, carping, cackling,
bragging, begging, agitating, acting  
analogous to bad *** kids itching
for playground foo fight during recess,  

which comparison might be apropos
since majority of energy and time expended
complaining about nobody's business
concerning this, that, or another tenant...
thee management not exempt from
badmouth outbursts), where nondenominational
AARP qualified members congregate
within what constituted former auditorium
of repurposed elementary school,

hence quite some years ago (an honorable
NON GMO gluten free cheerful toast made,
instituting batter use then building standing vacant)
a bona fide unanimous dogmatic, heroic,
linguistic welcome sans titular viz zit head
where alumni of alluded alma mater, ivory fiery,
classy academic solvent atomic structure
became amalgamated, appropriated,
assigned a new life, whereat fob dost
electronically activate innermost recessed sliding doors,
principally, quintessentially, resoundingly availing maw
formerly entrancing students into
Schwenksville Elementary School,
though some years ago repurposed
with barely a trace constituting current subsidized
how zing facility re: Highland Manor,

the residence of thyself and missus
(approaching third month anniversary),
whereat I dune hot give a rats *** if aimless
airless baseless banter, ceaseless chatter,
dubious dabbling, et cetera if this solitary
ruminate thinker the subject de jure
of parlayed people portraying
penultimate purposelessness.

Furious gusts of air
mightily blow bestirring anchored poet
sitting comfortably numb
securely strapped in his hard to maneuver
easy bath chair
while all around him debris
strewn helter skelter everywhere
heavy objects unmoored
pirouetting topsy turvy

defying laws of physics
cue Adam Smith
courtesy his invisible hand
eulogizing, kickstarting, and regulating
unseen cogs and gear
in order to avoid being plucked up
analogous to whirling dervish
ye dear reader best don
top of the line name brand ironware

to fend off soundcloud
analogous to webbed
whirled wide rooky banshee
hounding kingly bishopric
inducing royal knightmare
whereat pawns called play
as damage control representatives
ultimately linkedin to medicare
for ****** harm suffered

and property destruction
doled out courtesy Nationwide Insurance,
nevertheless yours truly
experienced heightened anxiety
cuz I accidentally, casually, easily,
et cetera eavesdropped,
though a polite gentleman (boot no scholar)
loud talking policyholder
anyone could easily overhear

their strident vocalizations
and they owned chutzpah to queer
re: me for listening to conversation
threatening with abominable language to scare
living daylights, which nearly caused
writer of these words
to soil his underwear
such vociferous threats
wrought quick thinking defense posture,

whereby my ordinary shy demeanor
empowered after downing
powder milk biscuits
(cuz heaven's their tasty)
and declaring warfare
against being bullied
versus suffering as token scapegoat
most every year
from boyhood until emerging adulthood.

After crafting above lines
current generated via whoosh;
I sat mine hind quarters
(otherwise referred to the ****),
which signalled to Doctor Quackenbush,
(id est Groucho Marx)
not deficient with quick wit
whose hook, line and sinker
word of the day namaycush
helped one environmental ******
high (fish) tail to Hindu Kush
where removal from madding crowd
spiritually inoculated one
with a profound hush.

Survival of one wreath speck table insect,
(poll ease pod din me Elmer Fudd speak)
thus earning hardy laurels
nsync with inxs of standing kudos
ranking as bajillion year old species
scientific name: Periplaneta americana
(Linnaeus)  Insecta: Blattodea: Blattidae)
throve for more than 300 million years,
not surprisingly they constitute
one of the oldest groups of insects on the earth.

Longevity of twittering, skittering,
and buzzfeeding critters survival
witnessed their collective essence being gifted
with best in class adaptation techniques
particularly with debut appearance of naked ape
slowly evolving into modern (wo)man,
(after God - somewhat cagily
took a rib from Adam),
who when not resembling a rolling stone,
nor asking sympathy for the devil
furiously drove beasts of burden
into dire straits down to the waterline.

Much as yours truly feels squeamish
about the the humble cockroach,
(who most likely piggybacked as stowaway
courtesy unbeknownst to people
and hitched a ride across
all four corners
of the webbed wide world
essentially becoming globetrotters),
I chose said topic to broach
as an object lesson how one creature

namely aforementioned adaptable
creepy crawly creature
made themselves quite at home
raiding the pantries and refrigerators
across wide stratification
of income earners,
not exclusively the purview
solely nor singularly
circumscribed and described
by under-resourced people
most often found

living and reproducing
in cluttered city streets, parks,
subway tunnels, and sewer systems—
as well as inside houses
and ramshackle buildings
frequently woebegone tenements
not strictly linkedin
with Norwegian bachelor farmers
but also make cameo appearances
inside the coiffed hair of trumpeting dons
subsequently hobnobbing with glitterati.

German cockroaches are known for their prolific reproduction, with a female capable of producing up to 4 to 6 egg cases (oothecae) in her lifetime, each containing around 30 to 40 eggs. Under optimal conditions, they can go from egg to reproductive adult in as little as 100 days.

Cockroaches prefer dark places because they are nocturnal, so you will barely see them during the day. Hence, you will see them scuttle to hide when you turn on the basement or bathroom lights.

Thus yours truly attests
to become easily spooked
out of his skin,
and prone to utter bejesus
then subsequently and immediately
apt to swoon into a heap
of lovely bones
after espying a fast moving dark shape(s)
videre licet pronouncing exaggerated silhouette
cast courtesy moon shadow
outsize profile shimmying and shaking
across the outer limits of the twilight zone
delineated by structures of silence.

Imagine dragons exudation regarding fiery breath,
which scary scene would not faze me in the least,
cuz I would whip out my handy dandy blue's clues
and extinguish flaming forks courtesy water hose.

March twelfth Ded Moroz
struts his white stuff
first real substantial puncheon
found Jack Frost in his glory,
he haint no longer morose nor gruff,
cuz series of fortunate meteorological events
found crystalline precipitation hoary.

I revel watching
the bit torrent of snowflakes alight
upon the greensward;
a cold wind bloweth and doth bite
any exposed flesh of daredevil
(the re:noun Evel Knievel of verbiage)
weather beaten soul
trundling with delight
inured to brutal cold
all fours seasons excite
contemplative character
asked me to ghostwrite,
thus a reasonable rhyme yielded
courtesy wuthering height.

Yours truly breathes deep sigh of relief,
when surprise blizzard came our way,
no matter yours truly solitary fellow
holed up in me mancave yay,
he experiences unfettered glee
for picturesque blustery scene today
eight sleeps before Spring Equinox
glad second rate nor'easter
pummeled Southeastern
Montgomery County, Pennsylvania.

The near future forecast
bodes well nigh arrival of vernal equinox
when the sun crosses celestial equator
in northerly direction, marking
prime meridian of right ascension.

Fanfare for common man
(think das scribe spinning these lines)
grateful timely notion
kindled inside mine noggin
truth be told - before onset of storm,
I drew one blank after another
and felt at my wits end
regard apropos material to write about.

Methought to soon to post
poem about beware the ides of March,
(approximately sixty one
and a half hours hence,
similar explanation regarding
summoning creative literary endeavor
honoring Lá Fhéile Pádraig sona duit,
thus imposed upon figurative shoulders
(mine) to hash out some
marginally passable verse.

Now attention pauses to take look see
out bedroom window
watching medley of gusty air
in sync with blizzard conditions,
yet yours truly snug
as a bug in a rug
despite not turning on the heat,
and would ye believe
bard of Perkiomen Valley
only donned in ma birthday suit?

The majority of mine lxiii years
expended delving deep into imagination,
yours truly escaped, loosed, thwarted...
reality courtesy bookland
roaming cerebral cortex terra firmae
did not amp pulley satiate
seemingly depression found me
(an uncompetitive, oversensitive,
intuitive, contemplative bookworm)
with scrunched pate,
a day short and a dollar late

one dime a dozen lad
hood scrimp and scrape,
a familiar pattern typified fate
viz - hand to mouth bleak
how zing existence aye equate
extant throughout three score
plus three years date
journeys round el sol,
this varsity schlepper, procrastinator,
malingerer did create
current emotional state
mottled with sea henna tint
financial, emotional and

psychosocial characteristics stint
aye serum eyes while
in utero the blueprint
indelibly etched analogous
brand York Peppermint
also analogous to musician
recording tracks upon primed glint
ting digitized compact disc
clear polycarbonate plastic substrate,
a reflective metallic layer,
and a clear protective coating
of acrylic plastic
breakable as flint.
  
Though afflicted with severe
panic/anxiety attacks
suffering became manifest destiny
for decades housed née sequestered
in abominable barracks
(one common joe biden his time)
made debut during prepubescence,
ambivalent toward and quite lax
concerning mien kampf,
when adolescent/puberty at max

metamorphosis from boy
to man found me strongly in pax
averse to growing up
Anorexia Nervosa latched did tax
developmental height and weight,
whence this grown male did wax
nostalgic for his boyhood-
literally starved himself -
not quite to death,
or unconditional self-acceptance by peers.

Mine psyche felt ship
wrecked upon the jagged shoal
of abject apathy, self-injury,
and jury-rigged penury now a pall
duh, these psychological idiosyncrasies
perfect breeding ground to maul
and rent asunder psychic ground
for lack of pride slinking along hall
ways resonating with flapping wings,
his doppelganger exhibited gall
wherein yours truly remained
face down from a major fall
when both parents alive
(thine mum deceased
almost eighteen plus years,

when grim reaper didst call
now octogenarian widower pop,
who since this initial writing
passed away about
sixteen months ago)
espied sense to bawl
upon death ova
me mum, and sensibility
evinced inquisitive kindled
linked opportunistic quest
misunderstanding, avoiding
whirled wide web
as a young whippersnapper -
wait, that iz not awl.

Inform me if you wanna explore
additional tidbits glore
cuz long poem comprises more
lines offering metaphorical tour
within me body electric
akin to teenage wasteland
after internal near deadly war.

when another (anointed as lady lucky)
   resident renter bequeathed her bed
prior to that good samaritan deed thyself and spouse
   slept on the floor like dogs dead
tired from another day acclimatizing ourselves,

   especially when tummies got well fed
and grudging adjustment lying
   supine upon the carpet

   did upon arising found aches and pains from head
to toes, yet financial shortcomings disallowed this Jed
eye wannabe to defer attending domestic chores,
   cuz ma whole body felt like a Led
Zeppelin, and matter of fact oft times,

   thy body electric, though lacked
   no evidence of disease NED
for short, I near felt a need to relearn basic motor skills,
   gingerly, and eagerly reached for performance
   enhancing drug i.e. PED

which coded identification exemplified the a rich color of red
this (and other) prescription medication
   (about a half dozen total found me to sleep akin to a Ted
dee bear, many instances of snoring  
   thine wife claimed emanated –
   probably no more than when we wed

if memory serves me correctly
   twenty plus years a husband aye attest
and find peace of body, mind and spirit most exuberant and best
cherished, when hen pecking wife (yup, this husband

   got pecking, pock, puck size marks to vouchsafe
   his sworn statement)
   some visible on my slightly flabby and hairless chest
and if traced with a ball point pen, the shape
   loosely resembles mount Everest

with evidence of what appears to be erosion,
   but actually evidence of wifely cannibalism –
   viz zit on par as with an unwanted guest
which at first found this pop (sic) hull averse
   to share the same firm mattress lest
she arise like a flesh eating zombie during
   wee ***** weber hours of the morning and taking nest
ling to another level, whereby teeth and scratch marks
   sure testament asper a pest

stiff ferrous mate, this husband would sooner bid adieu,
   letting fate guide  terrestrial quest
that might incorporate undergoing the
   electric kool aid acid test

perhaps buffeting this corporeal essence north west
or maybe the unforeseen sojourn would spirit thyself
   to a distant alien nation
one where each day of soundness of mental, physical
   and spiritual growth will be reason enough
   to celebrate with élan and zest.

Now tis one upside to this stroke when with restfulness
   awake after nocturnally conjuring sheep and lil bo beep
yet, no ambition exists to get down and out
   from this posh plush place to sleep
even wild horses cant drag me away, lest hie weep.

A cold wintry January 53rd, 2021
at Highland Manor apartments
picturesque snow covered landscape
safely ensconced within Unit B44,
we (yours truly and wife)
occupy bedroom and
television room respectively
comfortably numb and toasty warm
at sixty degrees Fahrenheit
courtesy climate controlled environment.

I practice crafting poetry
(seeking posthumous fame)
while the spouse busies herself
channel surfing putting
down remote control
after espying satisfactory movie
(Fatal Attractions),
about which she knows
every single detail,
and can rattle offer personal tidbits
about cast of actors and actresses.

Aforementioned regular routine
predictable until
onset rites of spring,
where warm weather perfect balm
to allow, enable and provide
antidote to existential woes
coping with being quarantined,
though sensing optimism
regarding president Joe Biden
green lighting living social pursuits
possibly revisiting
following favorite pastime.

Recalling contra dancing
as palliative against bashfulness
life as high school wallflower served me
without any budding female friendships
until lo… agent tulle nudge, yes
my mother over mollycoddled
then uprooted me
mein kampf familiar
bedrock level road terrain,
which venue offered groundswell

to blossom forth into
golden sterling resplendent rod
of natural equipoise,
(an unbiased opinion) and balance
with freestyle improvisational swinging motions
unchained from moors of formality
lit figurative saint elmo’s
Sesame Street Big Bird
winging fiery dance
allowing, enabling and

providing shy awkward self
during his young adulthood
to cast away four ever
self embroidered handsome
straight as an arrow
naturally high as a kite young guy
buzzfeeding like yellow jacket
liberating spontaneity
that je ne sais quoi joie vivre
clamoring headlong toward pollination
healthy packing heat overflowing

testosterone bin laden well nigh
erupting pistol (stay man)
toward opposite gender,
whereby bravado donned as key
to *** field of whet dreams
fostering initial albeit late blooming
roll in the hay hormonally
rooted rutting squeal!

causing percussive rumpus
to vibrate like jelly

Me experienced quite disruptive sleep
(quite early in the morning
of November 10th 2022 -
no shut eye could I keep),
hence though exhausted, I share
childlike trait of mine spouse
insufferable playfulness finds me
ready to collapse in a heap.

Missus as inquisitor a worse
fate than death expounded courtesy
the following cheeky verse
about bearing derrière perverse
antic for wife to adopt role of nurse
Ratched she of (One flew over
the cuckoo's nest fame)
the missus every smack
upon me posterior I did curse,
thus poem not for the faint of heart
some or all of material you may find averse.

Meanwhile good n plenty vibrations resonated
felt and heard round the world wide web
(strongest quaking sensations
occurred upon double mattresses atop bed
within apartment unit b44
2 Highland Manor Drive),

but woody d'ya believe
beating, drumming, flagellating
paddling, and whipping gluteus maximus
spurred surging aftershock tremors
launched rocketed tubular *****
(property yours truly).

Imagine slap happy spouse
ain't misbehavin
just being her playful
(think cheeky) self
knick knack paddy whacking

undeservedly thrashing,
pummeling, beating
the living daylights
buttucks long past their prime
formerly cute palm pilot *****,

now subjected courtesy
cruel aging process
wrought ugly human cellulite,
nevertheless I made
feeble attempts to rear up in protest

against asinine wifely antics,
while she obviously disregarded
feebly wailing for nought
me lamely uttering
friggin ****** ****** in vain.

Zee spouse ain't no sadomasochist,
she just thrills
treating gluteus maximus (mine)
as a plaything

(think cat toying with mouse)
thwacking me fleshy behind
until derriere belonging to yours truly
feels comfortably numb.

Thee aforementioned shenanigans
predominantly arise, when
wedded counterpart owns advantage,
whereby I eagerly welcome shut eye

lo and behold only to experience
mine hinny quickly getting smacked
after I barely shuttered these tired eyelids
sneaking couple winks.

What recently began as
whimsical spur of
kickstarting moment
ushering tactile kibitizing
suddenly became nightly ritual,
whereby this humble husband
meekly surrenders bare bottom

(actually partner with skewed enjoyment
at my expense)
pulls off outer clothes
plus underpants (elasticity
long since stretched out)
wallopping me ***
until flesh heavily
spindled, mutilated, lacerated,
fondled and bruised.

for upcoming June 2023 inspection/violation.

Countdown triggers nails
bitten down to quick
geesh if only Mary Poppins
could pull off cheap trick
or think super tramping Glinda courtesy
film Wizard of Oz
Good Witch of the North
riding at light speed in nick
of time travelling on her

state of the art broomstick
unfortunately they
long since retired courtesy
formerly the Banks residence rather slick
at 17 Cherry Tree Lane, London England
ruler of the Quadling Country
South of the Emerald City,
and protector of Princess Ozma
holed up in their respective bailiwick.

Rural housing authority
requires every occupant
renting an apartment
to have their living space inspected yearly
deemed safe and secure place to live
scheduled to place here
at 2 Highland Manor
on Tuesday June 13th
Wednesday June 14th
and Thursday June 22nd.

Hence unpleasant inspection
scheduled at least once per year.

A trio of persons
comprising Property Manager
Regional Property Manager
and Maintenance Man
(Pamela Floreen, Lia Varley Wacker,
and Richard Jette respectively).

A loud rap on the door
signals their unwelcome arrival
(cue suspenseful music)
before their collective
(soulful) gaze turns toward:
the kitchenette, stealing
a peek (rifle) into refrigerator, at stove,
cupboards, assessing utility room
housing hot water heater
testing smoke detector in bedroom

scanning bathroom
all the while reserving right
to take pictures
inside our master quarters
where we feel enslaved,
whereby absolute zero
personal property we utilize
not considered off limits
to inquisitive troupe constituting
above identified higher ups
if necessary to hire 1-800-GOT-JUNK.

Now no time for shriving sergeants
to craft inane verse,
cuz tis down to brass tacks
yours truly cannot relax
until he and the wife
align figurative ducks
courtesy ventriloquism acts
issues convincing quacks,
plus suddenly magically enlivened
neatly arrayed knickknacks
(give your dog a bone)

threatened with receiving
bonafide paddy whacks
if said tchotchkes misbehave
and exhibit buffoonish antics
subsequently summoned,
instructed, and commanded
to complete x squared jumping jacks
otherwise sent to fabled boot camp
superfluous unwanted playthings
recruited by Salvation Army
filling out ranks
of toy story abominable barracks.

As origin of **** Sapien species surged ahead,
harboring nascent predominance
asper said primate reproductively bred,
(albeit via incremental fits and starts)
evolutionary forebears didst dread
Tom Tom Club former members
an American new wave band founded in 1981
by husband-and-wife team Chris Frantz
and Tina Weymouth
as a side project from Talking Heads,
rocketing them to super stardom
similar to heights of fame and fortune,
where band zeppelin led
exemplifying, fortifying, and glorifying QED
quod erat demonstrandum
meaning "that which was to be demonstrated,"

whence, (since time immemorial) nasty, short
brutish, loutish, and vampish anthropological,
genealogical, and millennial
report card found forebears
precariously perched, pitched, and positioned quart
toured pièce de résistance  purport
head supremacy devastatingly,
heavily, and literally bruited nearly did abort

tentative tenacious status
being supreme species oft times
challenged minuscule leading edge
proto humans rendered
stronghold atop ACME perch
(on evolutionary leading cusp) fund hedge
ching hypothetical bets said simians
nearly toppled off figurative ledge
against being easily uprooted
akin to one weeding out unwanted sedge
imposing fledgling breakfast of champions
clinging to niched wedge

while serial incessant challenges nearly wrote
snuffed out clinched placed viz *** him tote
often at fateful loggerheads,
where survival of the fittest smote
cream of the crop sacrificed for Ares
poised to strike dawn of dusky mankind
viz apish creatures almost got rote
off while chance dominance, eminence grise
pitted, spitted, and got vetted sans un quote
able primal screaming expletives
pitted Neanderthal progenitors note
worthy kickstarter scrum held dim promise,
whether weathered brood
which smattering population comprised
a scattered handful of rudimentary
destined to become a GOAT

contemporary competitive lass or dude,
whence latent talent to net fame and fortune
voluntarily sharing wealth as altruistic,
deterministic, humanistic, and idealistic
amidst looming global warming
legacy of industrial revolutions,
which pointedly wreaked havoc
radioactive Superfund sites still exude
toxins, where dangerous fallout glommed,

rained, and frankly zapped the tocsin
muted, muffled, muddied waters
where pollution never
confronted Wilma or Fred Flintstone
generic Geico caveman/woman respectively,
and aside from external
threatening ecological depredations
violent crime comprises tribal (family) feud
where might versus right,

the deterministic factor aye include
at undoubtedly animalistic behavior
defied being categorized as lewd
since each monkey's uncle
similarly frolicked, gallivanted, and hocked
like a CRO-MAGNON
European early modern humans,
when he flirted in done ****
videre licet dangling modifier
attested courtesy punctuated equilibrium

(the hypothesis evolutionary development
marked by isolated episodes
of rapid speciation
between long periods
of little or no change)
courtesy Stephen Jay Gould
fate didst not occlude
also absence of consciousness rued

until...fast forward to the present day,
when carnal, feral,
and integral leanings attempted
to rope hormonal, gonadal,
and banal found
more recent ancestors (discovered
visa vis like Ancestry.com and/or 23andme)
rolled in the hay
under the natural predilection to lay naked,
especially frisky comb early
May procreative force
engendered the writer of this poem,
when his parents coaxed foreplay
unbeknownst, that their singular heir,
would be afflicted with countless
obsessive compulsive mailer to slay
ritualistic controlling psychic threnody
dominated favored holistic paradigm oy vey
dystopia prevails every which way
Gaia will be declared winner yay!

Yours truly quite astute,
especially regarding cute
little field mice, also known
as meadow voles,
which imprecation one doth emote,
when aforementioned animal burrows inside
leaving pellet size **** in their wake
suddenly presenting a pain in the glute.

Analogous to swiss cheese
fecklessness riddled **** sapien
writer, whom he himself
cannot Provolone equality
for Mus musculus to live,
exception viz one named Stuart Little
as equal among indomitable realm
dominated by bipedal hominids
said species arrogated
since time immemorial
self superior holier than thou tenet
and dictum governing hegemony
across webbed wide world,

which supposed word of creator
conveniently got interpreted to mean;
"Be fertile and multiply;
fill the earth and subdue
every square inch courtesy
trappings of western civilizations,
henceforth since the dawn
of consciousness, when primates
such as Sahelanthropus tchadensis,
**** habilis, **** erectus,
and **** heidelbergensis evolved
to slowly but surely

wield dominion over
the fish of the sea,
the birds of the air,
and all living things
that move on the earth,”
their subsequent descendents relegated
every creature deemed inferior
and thus (no pun intended)
fair game across proverbial
eminent domain, thus justified,
ordained, usurped, et cetera
courtesy manifest destiny,
particularly mostly aborigines.

Against bullet proof credo, ethos,
and genuine holistic integrity
to respond to such an event
as Minnie's or Mickey's, no matter
an ohm my cat reluctance arises
to don and trumpet role as "killer"
tis with only the means and ways
to avoid health crisis that I
hesitantly didst exterminate existence
of other critters decried as pestilential

so please no unsolicited
mouse a lean knee black barbs
against this august gent
tis a marvel to evince the behaviour
of rapaciousness, when nary a hint
extant within me - except,
at a crossroads arises
when vermin take residence
as per mentioned earlier
as an unpaid inhabitant,

this one mortal married male loathes
to distribute deathly lethal instrument
innocuous morsels of D-CON
doth not make me feel jubilant
this chap doth newt believe
dangerous buggars ought
be be consigned with tender loving care
but certainly less cruel fate
versus getting lethally euthanized,
eradicated and essentially

charged with heinous crime
such as ****** committed by a litigant
slapped unfairly suffer being poisoned
imposing forfeiture reprisal
tomb the tinker-bell tolls
visa vis a role in the realm
within flora and fauna not meant
for humans decreeing vermin
lack purposelessness,
and must be exterminated

to own rights qua life, liberty
and the pursuit of happiness
quietly when staking out an alcove,
cupboard, or mauve wainscoting
reproduction of discriminated,
hashtagged, and targeted mammals
would nonchalantly find safe haven
exiting man made confines if left
to their biological devices,
this millennial saga of mice and men

perhaps Noah occident,
and no matter what means
one approaches pursuant
to rid the house of mice,
these creatures reboot toxic tolerance
to incorporate schemes
quite innovative within floorboards,
deep chambers viz hitting
expansive domestic quadrant
this Brie zee, cream cheesy,

though temporarily dislodged per demise,
the recurrent adaptation reverberant
and stupefy supreme survival skill re:
by a modus operandi
with adaptive qualities salient
ta dum me little nimble,
opal and quizzical rodents
lacking redolence tubby mammals,
though their existence
and devil's blue diet tribe curd dish rant

might be diametrically opposed
to American ethics committee, who slant
the bald (also balled), bold,
and brazen cordon bleu appearance
analogous to a vagrant, unrepentant truant
sans more than one little
furry Muenster of scurrying critters
spur this heir force deputy
issues a poisoned search warrant.

in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
recorded July sixth nineteen sixty
upon birth of she who doggedly
pursued me to the ends of the earth
and what not take no as an answer.

Unbeknownst to yours truly
a baby girl got born
sixty three years from aforementioned date;
she automatically triggered
excited buzzfeeding murmurs
heard amidst the madding crowd
patiently awaiting to secure their eats
at none other than Horn & Hardart
offering their house special,
albeit free of charge;

the grandfather of present day
food service industry company Grubhub
acknowledged storied birth
with roster of special guests such as:
Connie Francis, Eddie Cochran
(the latter came all the way over
from the United Kingdom),
and even then president
Dwight David Eisenhower
made guest appearance.

Meanwhile, about sixty plus miles away
a little boy, (who lived
in Levittown, Pennsylvania)
experienced a fleeting warm gentle caress
identical to soft summer breeze
linkedin to sugar and spice
and everything nice;
he smiled and unknowingly blushed
unaware his destined lifemate
secured courtesy good housekeeping

seal of approval,
which may seem
like an otter outrageous claim,
but mark my words approximately
thirty orbitz around the sun later
would witness his heartthrob
(currently snoozing away on the bed)
pledging to accept first one contra dance
after another until... death due him part.

I ofttimes sat alone
on the concrete steps
at Summit Presbyterian Church
6757 Greene Street, Philadelphia, PA 19119
perusing contents of reading material
unable to focus on the words,
cuz excitement prevailed
to exalt in an evening of pure ecstasy.

The third Thursday each month
at eight o'clock post meridiem
held special significance
at above named facility,
which constituted kibitizing,
fraternizing, but especially flirting
while contra dancing
usually with no ulterior motive.

Our fate got sealed upon occasion,
when I willingly shared Neptune Salad
(a discontinued product sold at Wawa)
with lass who stood
all of four feet and eleven inches
and sported trademark long thick hair,
whose locks (I dreadfully report
long since got lopped off),
then rivalled those of Rapunzel.

As an introverted generic
long haired pencil necked geeky lad
always awkward in the company of people
(even making small talk),
an eventual comfort to converse arose
with longitudinally challenged referenced gal,
whose buzzfeeding dialogue
indeed jump/kick started
us to exchange tidbits about ourselves,
such as address, age, birthday...
and other general information,
hence bringing to my awareness
regarding special occasion
she made debut appearance
within webbed, wide world.

Said lass subsequently
became dance partner for life
after she found herself with child
we became husband and wife.

Twenty first century technology
allows, enables, and provides
instantaneous virtual unconsummated love.

Within the course of a texting or sexting session
one lovelorn lad (or grown man)
can fabricate a faux impression
with the young or old fellow claiming lineage
as a reincarnated Hessian
essentially a German trooper hired
by the British to help fight
during the American Revolution
principally drawn
from the German state of Hesse-Cassel.

Heavily reliant on the ability to embellish
I, a married communitarian, flexitarian,
latitudinarian, sexagenarian, and Unitarian
seek an applicable, flirtatious, illicit liaison
with a sugar mommy to relish.

Though basically discriminatory
father/husband impractical joker
caught the incurable texting/sexting fever
rationalizes triggering, voyaging,
and xeriscaping his prickly little garden borer
would not smack of adultery, infidelity, but
witness jocularity, levity, and negotiability
within the parameters of cyberspace.

Simulation of being electronically coupled
won't necessitate justice of the peace nor
wedding officiant or marriage officiant,
sometimes referred to as a celebrant.

Both people able, eager, ready and willing
to sample a pseudo/quasi
noteworthy scaled union
as all "good boys do fine"
for the treble clef lines
or "All Cows Eat Grass"
for the treble clef spaces
and "Fat Cows Eat Grass"
for the bass clef lines
can simply pledge their troth
for the duration of time spent online.

If game to feign *******, discipline
(or *******), sadism, and masochism
(as a type of ****** practice)
then Ubangi me,
and subsequently I do likewise to thee
all in good and healthy fun - ha!

Cavorting with sophisticated banter
would more closely
delineate mine harried style
swiftly tailored word play
not only in one direction
but also contesting each other
with palindromes and maybe
even talking in cryptograms.

Impossible mission to discover
visa vis other people
(predominantly of the female persuasion -
ideally a galavanting
gender conforming heterosexual lass
striving to hone her proficiency
with English language in general
and as a creative grammarian,
cognitive humanitarian,
and circumspective nothingarian
to whip out her wit and wisdom
for no particular rhyme nor reason,
but just merely to quip
for the sheer joy
of employing lingua franca.

If unsuccessful with deploying a figurative spark
courtesy atypical modus operandi videlicet
and fail to strike up a potential quasi match
with a receptive counterpart,
I will continue to entertain myself
summoning forth innovative verses
if for nobody else but yours truly (me),
who experienced joie de vivre
when satisfied with a written endeavor
trying to avoid bombastic, egocentric,
idiosyncratic, et cetera eye sores.

One must do whatever in their power
to cope with cares and concerns
of an uncertain webbed, wide world.

For me, that means reading and writing.

Matriarch mastermind manipulated minions
rang their hells bells signifying
****** to traverse highway to hell
***** deeds done dirt cheap
(names changed fo' malady to remain anonymous,
cuz they got thunderstruck
with psychological trauma).

Preface:
Upon bitterly cold dawning hours of January 2000,
the Harns family (not actual name of real persons
constituting yours truly
mine wife and at that time
deux darling very young daughters)
desperately sought place to live.

Neon Swat Team (an independent realtor) politely
informed us (meaning myself and the missus), our
family lease would not be renewable.

The reason without a rhyme?

Ever since events initially laid forth as poem,
I delightfully witnessed birth of daughter
number two February 4th, 1999, (whose existence this
papa helped beget approximately nine months prior),
now twenty two plus years passed rendering contractual
non-binding obligation null and void - whew.

Even though then barely tipping scales at less than ten
pounds of flesh, (this bundle of sugar, spice and everything
nice, especially when adorned in pink bows inclusive),
she warranted unlawful occupancy capacity subsequently
exceeding one plus bedroom apartment in Schwenksville,
Pennsylvania.

Body quasi poetic/prosaic
minimally couched, sunk, tabled...
within wordy  mosaic:

We reckoned to live temporarily at premises vacated by
mother in law from hell (since recent death of her husband,
whose after life settled him in Willoughby) domicile situated
at 1148 Tree Green Lane (a cozy and lazy keystone chic
urban outfitted hamlet tucked into totally tubular foothills of
Venn Palley, Pennsylvania), a nook of quaintness plum
perfect where rivers Ratford Upon Savon converged.

as one fairly long run on sentence
unwittingly made locally famous
courtesy residents here at
Highland Manor Apartments
as first one foot and then the other
painstakingly, and agonizingly dragged
across the cement walkway
making absolutely sure
the entire foot touches the ground,
(analogous to geriatric

version of the hokey pokey)
made like toe tilly particularly
more trip lee dangerous for valley girls,
and posing an obvious challenge,
when unspecified oblivious tenant
yakking away to themselves
unknowingly shakily shambles,
(which elderly folk blindly
risking life and limb),
while tethered to an oxygen tank

gingerly, precariously, and zanily
maneuvers a walker or wheelchair
while chatting vis a vis bluetooth;
(a short-range
wireless technology standard
used for exchanging data
between fixed and mobile devices
over short distances and building
personal area networks:
In the most widely used mode,

transmission power
limited to 2.5 milliwatts,
giving it a very short range
of up to 10 metres)
communication maintained thru
miniature electronic paraphernalia
videlicet, now returning
to aforementioned abandoned,
harried, and suspended lodger
left poised to strike hard surface,

when going about their routine task
additionally rendered cumbersome
as occupant carefully finagles
old gnarled bent fingers
to manipulate requisite fob,
(a handy dandy little device
that works on Radio Frequency Identification
(RFID) triggered courtesy
waving or tapping motion
of little plastic doodad)

near a corresponding reader,
and voilá – the door unlocks, -
which technology interestingly enough
linkedin to bit of curious history,
when remote keyless entry patented
in 1981 by Paul Lipschultz,
who worked for Neimans,
(a supplier of security components
to the car industry) and developed
a number of

automotive security devices:
His electrically actuated lock system
could be controlled
by using a handheld fob
to stream infrared data
automatically, electronically,
inevitably, and officially
granting permission for our inhabitant,
or unsuspecting intruder
(since very little – read none

security installed here)
to enter the front door,
presenting an unwelcoming
opportunistic, idealistic,
and antagonistic accident
about to happen if the track opening
and closing entryway portal
(bumped up against thin carpeting)
slightly bunched up
presents a raised lipped surface edge

(barely perceptible to those
who present a sight for sore eyes),
which uneven impediment
the literal downfall
for many a resident
at Highland Manor Apartment,
who tripped and fell ofttimes
sustaining significant injuries
to their fragile lovely bones.

upon waking from a splendid plunge
   into the depths of deep dreamy restful sleep
anchors away set adrift this body electric,
   which succombed instantaneously
   (without counting sheep)
nor joining the make belive rank and file world
   with the likes of little bo peep

an immediate notion arose
   to latch onto and ignore
   this most delightful, flight of fancy deed
(not ***** nor done dirt cheap),
    but a natural function
   one cannot overdose nor excede

the USDA quotidian requirement,
   where cares and concerns
   of an uncertain world freed
yet an asolute bare necessity for stayin' alive
   plus richly textured unrivaled vista devoid of greed
additionally cost and gluten free, NON GMO,
   zero caloric effortless need

   (words of caution to take seriously to heart),
   and note that if one doth not yield, but sure to read
   the small print affixed like a label each mind
   forcing to squeeze out every metaphorical
   drop of open eyed juice  
   perhaps resorting to **** or speed

   that silent slurred speech, physical lashing,
   head dropping fatique
   will invite Halloween aparitions, delusions,
   grand hallucinations, et cetera
   as if one smoked wacky ****

the forces of anatomical and physiological
   heft will take charge ahoy
and blast at top notch nautical surge,
will wrest control against blistering,
   festering against withering heights
   delivering balms away at feeble attempts
   to retain losing battle to remain alert oh boy
no matter how much effort summoned,
   (even feigning wakefulness as a decoy)

the trappings of oblivion
   i.e. sinking into profound dreamland,
   whether an individual ascribes to be Jew or goy
which Maxwell House maxim
   “the key to better relationships may be more sleep”
no mortal ought to take lightly,
   but pay heed lest the grim reaper doth creep
stealthily and scythe lent lee steal
   a haggard skiff of flesh and bone
   whereat  corporeal essence no more
   will there be for the soul to keep.

Malignant gangrenous political cancer
corrupts, festers, and poisons United States,
thus opposition cannot wait,
especially since Gospel in accordance

with feeble minded Donald Trump
implemented wrought ugly trait,
particularly obliteration, sans progressive
human rights legislation

more or less pronounced positive
in every L ionized Nittany or cotton bowl state
and ratiocination inherent within
mine Democrat oriented mind doth rate

this forty fifth president (defect)
with sawdust packing
his noodle oven egotistical pate
trophy wife (spouse number three),

a Slovenian mate
donning "I don't care anymore"
t-shirt rousing media firestorm of late
essentially silently corroborating,

fostering, and illuminating hate
mutely bolstering the Trump anthem,
viz make America great
again, which pathless,

pithless, and pointless aim
roars like an earsplitting runaway freight
train oblivious of wailing soul asylum,
that no era meets said criteria

backtracking time machine before
rightful indigenous occupants of this land
got decimated as one after another
exploiter did inundate

(comprising a multitude
of indigenous variety of village people
indignantly subjected to Genocide,
when first "discoverer"

of new land didst promulgate
activation wrought deliberate sealed fate
vis a vis capitulation, demolition,
and extirpation, cuz

a scathing rebuke aye attest,
those murderers didst equate
worthlessness of
so called "Indians" on 1492 date,

and still remnants of storied tribes,
now attempt to create
historical documentation operate
ting with limited resources to adjudicate.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Food methinks doth buzzfeed drumbeat agog
at pyrotechnics July 4th, 2018 shared as blog
posts, a falsehood prevails which dog
gone “FAKE” brewed watered down grog
posits that the majority of Colonists stayed hog

tied to strict task masters, and mainly the scant
upper class experienced autonomy,
no matter the under class didst futilely rant
and rave with the occasional
uprisings over time did grant
minimal appeasement to stifle violent kant.

Alas and alack
though reasonable rhyme crafted some time back
spider lines across Democratic firmament
issue more'n one crack.

How alarming that tempus fugit
decrees trumpets about banishing true grit
life, liberty and pursuit of happiness
deprived genius and/or nitwit
will witness divine creator placing obit
freedoms long since perished,
how pleasant to be hashtagged a twit!